How can I tell my SO I am pregnant when he isn't ready?

I am a mom to two babies, 8 and 1 yo. My partner and I have had a rough year, but we are doing okay. He is facing legal trouble; he is an addict but now sober and went to rehab, so he is just trying to get back to work. He doesn’t want anymore children, and I do. We spoke about doing it “right” in the future and planning our last one so we can be excited and enjoy every minute. welp, surprise. I am pregnant. I’m not sad at all. I know I have a few things to figure out, and my youngest is only one; that’s the only thing that makes me nervous. When I told him I wanted to talk to him, the first thing he said is “oh God. you better not be pregnant. we cannot have a baby right now.” so I didn’t even say anything to him. Now I’m kind of upset because I feel like I don’t have a supportive partner at all, and I really wanted to be happy. So now I feel super alone. How would y’all go about telling him? just rip off the band-aid? I feel like if he tries to tell me to terminate the baby, our relationship will be over because that will not be happening.

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Yeah just tell him. You’re in the situation now. Not telling him yet isn’t going to change anything.

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Does he not know how babies are made? It sounds like something may be missing here.

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Just be straight with him. He made the baby too so its just as much on him as it is you.

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He’s the non supportive one? Oh ok. :roll_eyes:🤷🤦

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This is why so many couples split up and most women become single parents. Why force having a child when your partner does not want one yet? You are saying you have things to sort out and if he’s only just gone to rehab now, is it guaranteed he will be always sober? Maybe spend your time better and focus on your children’s future rather than pop babies just because YOU want one. It seems like he understands your circumstances better

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Tell him. If he wants you to abort , leave him.

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Honestly you sound selfish, i understand not everyone is okay with abortion but you know he’s going through a lot he specifically said he didn’t want kids and who knows if y’all even took the proper precautions, i hope y’all did considering that y’all talked it out already and agreed i want to say y’all did and this is just a freak accident, i think you should respect his wishes on not wanting another kid. don’t force him to have another one especially with everything he/y’all are you going through.

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If y’all weren’t planning on any more kids now then did y’all not use any birth control or condoms or any other methods because you do know that having unprotected sex leads to babies right so if there wasn’t no safe sex then y’all both knew the chances and should just accept this baby as the blessing it is :heart:

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(LETS MAKE THIS CLEAR I DONT BELIEVE IN ABORTIONS ! THATS NOT WHY I THINK IT SOUNDS SELFISH!) Sounds selfish to me… I mean everything hes going through with legal stuff and addiction even if he went to rehab its still a daily battle and him specifically saying he’s not ready for another kid right now and all you seem to care about is what you want. Your pregnant now so all you can do is tell him and hope for the best. :woman_shrugging: I think all babies are miracles but you both should have done better to prevent it if he wasn’t ready for another one just yet. But honestly I think your the one that’s not very supportive…

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I think you are the one that needs help :rage:

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He might be reacting out of stress. I would suggest if you cant handle a negative reaction from him write him a letter or make him a card explaining about the baby and how excited you are and positive you guys can do this. Then leave it for him to find in private. That way he can process and be on board when you guys come together to talk about it. Congrats and good luck.

Tell him to suck it up and get ready cuz one way or another that baby is coming. If he didn’t want any more kids he should have more insistent on birth control.

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If ur spouse isn’t ready to have another child then u shouldn’t force him to have another baby even if I want another one. It’s not fair to him, not fair to y’all’s kids, and not fair to the unborn child that u would carrying. Especially if u r saying he is in rehab. He has his own things that he is struggling w and need to recover from before he is ready to have another child. He isn’t going to be able to be a supportive partner, a good father to the baby, etc cuz he is in rehab so he can’t give the baby time, attention, etc that the baby needs. It’s a pretty selfish thing to do and it does sound like she got pregnant on purpose cuz she could’ve took advantage of it when he was under the influence or even skipped taking her birth control pills. There r ways u can get pregnant without ur partner knowing.

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I wouldn’t say you’re selfish, because it takes two to create a baby. It wasn’t just you and you somehow sucker him in. You both knew that unprotected sex would lead to this. However, I think that he is going through a lot at the moment and that makes it hard for him to focus on a baby. Not to mention, he said he doesn’t want anymore. Which with that being said, he should of got a vasectomy or something. Anyways, you can look into abortion, but you already said you don’t want to, so that doesn’t leave you many options. You need to tell him asap so you two can figure out what you want to do. If that means he kicks rocks and you raise the baby alone, then it’s time to step up and do what you have to do. There’s no good outcome for this situation. Unless he accepts that this is because both of you were not super responsible when it came to contraceptives.

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Oh my… first these comments ain’t it. Second it takes two to tango and if he didn’t want children he knows how to take extra precautions I doubt she planned this but probably didn’t take proper precautions either even if he doesnt want kids you take the risk having unprotected sex so I dont see how it’s all about him and stuff aside their a couple its her job to help him through and he’s already got 2 kids so my personal opinion he should have been off drugs a long godamn time ago neither are innocent here. Regardless tell him because you’ve already made up your mind your not aborting so rip the bandage off and do what you gotta do bc if you leave you only got 9 months to set yourself up to care for 3 kids and run a household. Much luck to you

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If he wasn’t wanting a baby he should have prevented it. Plain and simple. He needs to start preparing for this baby.

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These comments are a shitshow. Yes, he’s had a rough year, but don’t take it out on the poor kid. You should tell him sooner than later. He’ll have a few months to get his head around it or come around. Just be sure to be supportive of his needs as it does sound like he is trying to do better.

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You are not selfish. Sorry but if he really didnt want anymore he would have had the surgery or wrapped it. I would just come right out and tell him that you are and your not getting rid of it. But you will have to understand with him going thru legal stuff, you may be the one supporting this baby. And you know what you can do it. It may be hard at first but you can do it. Let him get his shit together. Just be supportive of his situation. Shit happens. Why do people have to be so shitty all the time.

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He needs to get his shit together, it’s plain and simple. You have two children together and now a third on the way? He should of stepped up once the first one was born.

Don’t want a baby? Have a vasectomy or don’t have sex.

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