How can I tell my SO I am pregnant when he isn't ready?

To the individuals who are telling this women to leave him… geez :roll_eyes: can we maybe try not to break up a home before this even gets time to allow both parents to process this news. :woman_facepalming:
Because he’s an addict I think he understands right now his life is a bit messy and probably lots of financial uncertainty so I’m sure he probably will have concerns about the future and providing for another life. That’s a genuine and reasonable response and an honest one in the moment to not wanting that responsibility at this juncture of his life. However, babies can also be a force for good change and reasons to get affairs in order.
There’s lots of imperfect parents in this thread and we all navigate parenthood with one foot in front of the other and hope we are doing it our best with or without someone. My advice is don’t make any snap decisions in the state of your relationship based on an emotional action in the moment.

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It takes two. So he really can’t be THAT upset about it.

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Well you both are irresponsible.

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What is concerning is “He doesn’t want more, but I do, and now I’m pregnant”. He said he did not want more, is not stable to raise one, and after 2 children, you know how they are created. If this topic was clearly discussed, birth control must have also been discussed. If he very clearly didn’t want more and didn’t wear a condom, it definitely sounds like he thought you were handling birth control as his partner, trusting that. If he is struggling to get himself healthy, and there are already 2 children with instability with an addict trying to get sober, does he have a supportive partner? Your not unhappy about it because what you wanted and worried how he will be for you & how you feel, but is there any concern for his well-being, for the 2 kids already in this position and for this new baby stuck coming in life with a struggling addict and unstable family?

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The situation seems very stressful. Unfortunately given the situation you’ll have to go with alot of self support while he focuses on staying sober and getting a job. Expectations can’t be too high with him right now or it will be alot of disappointment. I hope he comes around when he is more stable.

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Wow first of all fuck all these bitches. I am so disgusted about the pregnant blame bullshit. It takes two. And frankly if he can’t suck it up he isnt a man to begin with especially when you already ha e kids it will be awesome1 for your one year old even though it will be stressful af for you. And in the end if he decides he isnt happy GUESS WHAT you can’t change thst shit if he wants to be unhappy remind him he is an adult that is choosing to be unhappy. Period.

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I see alot of rude ass comments to the girl she didn’t get pregnant by her self and she is struggling just as much as he being an addict affects everyone not just the addict she is not responsible for his happiness or sobriety he has to want to be clean and he has to learn how to deal with life with out turning to drugs and that’s not something she can do for him. this girl is asking for advice and if you can’t be encourageing and supportive then keep it moving stop judging her she didn’t ask for that and NO ONE IS PERFECT so until you are no nasty rude comments are needed…to the girl asking advice you should tell him its not fair to keep it a secret from him it will make things worse so I encourage you to tell him like someone else said maybe have his sponser over and tell him while he’s there so he can vent I would just sit down and try talking to him see what happens don’t feel bad about expecting its ok to be happy about it he is going to feel a way about it but don’t let it take away from your happiness and don’t drain yourself worrying about how he’ll react because he has to lean to cope without the drugs and there’s only so much you can do to help his recovery he has to put in the work to if he really wants it good luck love I know it’s not the best advice but I hope it helped congratulations! Side note : never mind the ass hats on here blaming you or telling you you need to be better it takes two to make baby and you shouldn’t feel responsible or bad at yourself because he could have wore a condom or something hope it all works out for you darlin

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He told you that he didn’t want more children in the first place. No it wasn’t your fault that you got pregnant. But you shouldn’t expect him to be happy just tell him. You sound selfish as hell.

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Ripoff the band aid and go from there. Better now than later. And it’s not like you got pregnant all on your own. I’m sure it’s not going to be easy but it’s the best way imo. :heart::heart:

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This almost sounds like an accidently on purpose situation.

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:raising_hand_woman:t3: went through this with my second. I was over the moon, hubby was not. Throughout the whole pregnancy I did everything myself, doctor’s, taking care of our oldest, worked overtime, didn’t share anything with him cuz any time I would bring something up he would be happy and then move on like nothing happened. Completely different than with our first. A lot of crying alone in bed :woman_shrugging:t3: the night I started my contractions he was out getting drunk with his buddy. I went through it alone and I have a much stronger bond with my second. He will come around eventually, but don’t hold your breath on it sweetie

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Put the news in a card for Christmas for someone who you know will be happy and. Supportive of you. Tell him the card would have been for him but you needed to share your good news with someone who would be happy and supportive.

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Please don’t I would go ahead and tell him.He will accept it or he want.If he don’t want it then he may have to leave.Dont get rid of the baby.

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I despise this entire post. But just tell him. You all both were bold enough to have unprotected sex now you both need to be bold enough to deal with the consequences.

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At first my sleep-deprived brain wondered why you would be telling your sheriff’s office about your baby. That said, whatever you do, I pray the happy news will be well-received. “Children are an heritage of the Lord.” By the way, congratulations

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What i will say is you gave the opportunity to drop the news delicately and keep the grace and love on your side. You can explain it was not on purpose which frankly he probably already knows. He has a right to be upset initially I personally hate being pregnant and don’t find myself happy if I am so I honestly get that. But you guys have been together for a while it sounds like and so you should be able to discuss. The other thing I will say is as a recovering addict myself dont try and stop whatever spiral will happen. Do not enable. Do not believe x y or z just because you really really want to. Be upfront. Be pushy about your own boundaries and be on watch for behavior. No problem letting him know that either. Drugs and alcohol are pretty much out of the question and it has to be handled in a "tough but understanding " manner

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Some of these comments are just awful!
We have 3 kids, and when our 3rd was born my husband said he didn’t want anymore. Only because we weren’t at a financially stable point at that time. We simply couldn’t afford one more person.
I was on birth control, we were being safe and using protection on top of my birth control. And I still got pregnant. I felt the exact same way you do, because I knew how he would react, because we weren’t stable. And he reacted the same when I told him I think I’m pregnant, he said “omg what are we going to do?”
And I ended up having a miscarriage. I have a lot of issues with my body, I’ve been battling cervical and uterine cancer for almost 15 years. I’ve had a lot of miscarriages. But that doesn’t make any of them easier than the last.
While he was stressed out about “what are we going to do”… he was also accepting, because he knew it took both of us, he knew we both took precautions, and shit happens. He was ready to do whatever we had to do to make it work, even though he was 100% maxed out on stress.
To all these birches talking shit… it takes two. You didn’t get yourself pregnant. And the fact that you’re scared of his reaction, knowing he doesn’t want more kids, shows that you didn’t plan this pregnancy!! Shit happens!
And it will get better mama! I eventually had a tubal, because of all the complications (and I wish I could just have a full hysterectomy to get rid of all the issues!) And now he keeps talking about how he might have liked having another…
You have to tell him, you shouldn’t keep secrets. If he doesn’t like it, if he flat out disagrees, then leave, because it isn’t meant to be. He should know it takes two, and it’s his fault too.

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Well, I mean if either of you weren’t ready then you both should of used precautions not to get pregnant…so now you are so he is just as responsible :woman_shrugging:

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I had a year old and got pregnant.It all work out

It’s not like you slipped and fell on him and impregnated yourself.

If he didn’t want another baby he should have taken the appropriate measures to make sure another baby doesn’t happen.

Tell him straight up!
I would also say while telling him that abortion isn’t an option so don’t even mention it.

He has two options.
1 - step up on the issue he helps create and be a grown up because of the grown up choices he decided to make. Go to counselling and work on it together like a team.
2 - end the relationship

Also congratulations on your future tiny human :two_hearts::rainbow:

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