My husband and I have lost our spark; how do we get it back? We have been together for four years and have three months old. We both are so focused on our baby that we sometimes forget about each other. We don’t kiss like we use to, and sex is rare these days, he even rather sleep out in the living room than in bed with me. We have tried date night once a week, but he has canceled on me last minute for the past month. I also have PPD, and I feel like my marriage is failing is making it all that harder to deal with. I bring it up to him about how I see things, and he just tells me that I’m overreacting, but honestly, I feel like he doesn’t want me anymore and is just afraid to tell me. Am I overreacting? How can I make things better?
Baby’s first year is always the hardest I found. Stay with it
I started an antidepressant…again…
I always stop when I feel better, stupidly lol.
I’m a different momma now and wife.
Go to counseling??? See a doctor for decreased sex drive?? How’s the Facebook supposed to resolve your marital problems?
This is more common than you think. Babys take a lot of work. Try date night only once a month. Focus on you first and the rest will work itself out. He is probably just as tired and freaked out as you are.
Your baby is only three months old. Give it time. You are both learning your new roles. Also, sex is rare? I wasn’t even cleared for 12 weeks!!!
Go to a sex store and buy games and start playing games it will get you back into your sex drive… but go together you both pick out the games you want each other to play and you will see you will get the sex drive back
Take a deep breath. Baby’s first year is trying.
Me and my bf went through the same but WORK THROUGH IT. Try to do things together when baby is napping or in bed at night. Start with movies together, have dinner together every night, simple things like grocery shopping together helps! When bringing it up to him try not to say things like well it feels like you dont want me try just asking him to do those simple things, even sneaking a quick shower together!! Me and mine did sooo much flirting and it helped bring things back together. Loving texts, random cuddles on the couch. I know its hard especially with a young baby but its totally doable! Just dont make him feel bad about having a hard time also
That’s pretty typical. Things will level out after a year or so. Baby’s change a lot, including being a temporary distraction from marriage for a bit.
Adjusting to a new baby takes time. Soon everything will fall into place💓
Ok. #1 it’s only been 3 months. You’re all still adjusting. You don’t need to feel passionate and sexy right now. It’s ok to focus on baby over your marriage for a minute. Give yourself time. #2 PPD can make you feel like your life is falling apart, like your baby hates you, like your marriage is over, like your husband doesn’t want you, and NONE OF IT could be true. Depression lies to you. It tells you you’re tired when you’ve slept, and you’re full when you haven’t eaten, like you’re ugly when you look your best, you’re hated even when people are saying “I love you”, and you’re alone when others are reaching out to you. Don’t listen. Get help. Get meds. Get therapy. And if after a month or 2 you still feel your marriage is in a bad way, ask your therapist to give you some tips and start couples counseling. That might be helpful anyway, just because you’re a whole different person now and that’s a huge adjustment for him as well as you. Breathe. There’s help out there. There’s an answer. There’s a solution. Your marriage doesn’t need to end over this. Listen to your husband when he tells you he loves you. Tell him you need him to cuddle you a little at night, even if he doesn’t feel he can stay all night and skip sleep with the baby being up. Tell him you need him. Tell him you’re insecure, and it doesnt matter if he thinks it’s stupid, it’s how you’re feeling and you’d like him to help you through it. And then go see your doctor asap.
You have a 3 month old.
It is always the hardest when they are that little.
I would recommend talking to family so you and your man can have a sate night.
A movie, a nice dinner, and a little something something.
Now, I’m not saying run down to the dirty store and buy all the whipes and chains.
Test the waters with a little lube and a few small games. Some lube tingles or warms and there is flavored stuff as well. Plus, who doesn’t like sexy games.
As your baby gets bigger your relationship with your husband will go back to normal. A new baby is stressful on everyone and with lack of sleep involved it’s hard to get a little dirty. Even on occasion
It’s understandable how you’re feeling. I don’t think(with the information provided) that you should be worried about him not wanting to be together. My fiance and I went through this. Our baby’s 8 months and we’re still working on it. Maybe he could be feeling stressed and overwhelmed too? Male postpartum depression is also worth looking into.
PPD is hard. A new baby is hard. A new baby in a relationship is hard. Communicating does help a lot, but you both are exhausted, and you both are dealing with separate issues. I didn’t get help with my PPD after my first, and now with my five month old, I made sure to get help right away. I’m on meds and I go to counseling and I talk about things more openly. It’s hard with all the stress, he works long shifts, and we are both very different in our ways. He likes to be cuddled and attention, and when I’m tired or down I don’t want to be touched. It’s all a matter of remembering each other, not just the baby, and taking care of you. Some days, forget the housework and paint your nails or read a book. Date nights are nearly impossible until everything gets on a schedule. You are not failing, your marriage isn’t dying, love. It’s just change, and that can be hard too. Communicate your feelings, and let him communicate his. You both may realize you feel the same, just in different areas. Be strong mama, you can do this! And you are loved
If you are religious i have found a couples prayer book. It is awesome. If you can get him to do it with you, it will bring yall closer together and in return, even bring that spark back. Best of luck!
My husband and I went through the same, as most do.
We realised that we need to be more important to eachother than what our child is. So for me my husband always comes first then our son second. Sounds crazy and I didn’t agree with it at all. But so long as my husband feels loved and nurtured our son gets the flow on effect from that. And we’re also setting an example of love and how to create a strong relationship
From my experience… I think you should work on yourself first. Take care of yourself and be happy with yourself. A three month old baby that’s still a new little baby and things aren’t going to go right back to how they were. Your hormones are little out of whack still and we still feel emotional and maybe your husband feels it too and is maybe letting you have your time but then also pulling away a bit because he too has this new baby. It’s a whole new experience and it will get better and I think y’all will start getting that spark back. I could be wrong but this was just my opinion. Good luck momma and I hope the PPD gets better for you
This page sucks someone reported my comment. Bunch of know it all mom’s who judge other moms. Sensitive as hell.
The Love Dare book challenge