How can my husband and I get the spark back?

Ladies, I have a question that I really need advice on. I feel absolutely lost. I am married and have a two-year-old son. My husband is the absolute best father I could have ever asked for. Absolutely no complaints there. We have been married for three years and together for 10. During my pregnancy, he was the most loving I had ever seen him. After our son was born, we were on cloud nine. I was crazy about him. I just felt so in love, and he looked to be just as in love, if not more. We were in a very good place. However, that spark slowly started to fizzle out. He works two jobs, and I work 1. On his days off, he likes to fix cars, and he will spend hours outside fixing up his cars. He’s not making much time for me at all. Call me crazy, but I feel it is important to put in time and effort into our marriage. He has pretty much stopped putting in time and effort into our marriage but is still expecting our marriage to magically be ok. He has ZERO romantic gestures with me. ZERO!! So when we go to bed, he wants to climb all over me, and I am absolutely turned off. TURNED OFF!! I have turned it down every night, and he, of course, gets upset. I have had a conversation with him many times about how I feel. How we don’t have much of a love connection anymore, and I have tried numerous things to spark it back up, but nothing is working. He is not putting in any work on his end. I am working at it completely alone. Am I doing something wrong? What else can I do?

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Y’all need date night.

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He needs to Understand how much this is needed, both ways!! Prayer’sss to You & Him, in lighting that Spark back!! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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He wants to have sex and you always turn him down, yet you wonder why the spark is gone🤦‍♀️

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Spark usually kinda fades when there is a baby thrown into the mix. I dont have advice but I’ve been there . Hang in there hopefully things spark back up for you :heart:

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If he’s working two jobs, doing a manly hobby like working on cars and is a great father then has some desire to get it on with you at night…you should really consider yourself lucky.

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Relationships are work. A night once a week or biweekly or even once a month could help. You both need to compromise and make it happen. The honeymoon stage is over and now its time to figure it out. But he still needs his mechanic time. If you truly love each other you will work it out. Good luck.

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I think it’s important to see sex as something that is for both of you and not just the man. So I wouldn’t cancel our sex simply because he isn’t romantic. Also I think you both should talk and pack atleast one day a week for just the two of you alone time.

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Explain that you want a partner. Not a quickie every night but a partner in life. Let him know you want him to provide for you what no other man can. Any man can give you a dick and a paycheck :woman_shrugging:t2:

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So… he doesnt spend time with her but when its time for bed, he just wants a quickie and shes supposed to be happy with that?? You guys are ridiculous. Dont tell me you guys are the type to say at least he comes home to me :joy: dont shame her for the way shes feeling.

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Prepare a date night. Don’t always expect a man who has a heavy load on his shoulders to initiate a romantic gesture. Plan something romantic to put you both in the mood.
You need personal time together.

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Marriage counseling might help.

Was he romantic before? Men are simple they don’t have all these feelings and thoughts like we do. I think you should take a breather. Have sex with him and then find a hobby to occupy your mind. You need to do something for you away from him and the kid. Don’t rely on anyone for your happiness… I promise you it will get better. You have been together for a long time these things happen in a relationship and it will probably happen again. Don’t stress the small stuff give him a break and he will come to you. there are worse things not saying this isn’t hurtful to you but try to cut him some slack.

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Go out to the garage and hang out with him?

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Imma be the true person here. Me and my ex husband divorced over this same issue. (Minus ideas working 2 him a few) but either way we ended up back together 3 years later and I’m in the best relationship ever. He realized what I did I realized what he did and damn

I agree with her. Hes thinking hes doing it right trying nightly. I give him points but…sex and feeling sexy starts when you wake up meaning sweet words thru out the day, sexy texts, cute pics, helping out, a date, just anything on an emotional level will set the tone for a hot mommy and dad night!! He needs to learn her love language!!! And she needs to learn his. Which seems to be providing on his part. Great book read it 5 love languages.

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It is difficult when your partner works so much. My husband works 60+ hours a week and we barely see each other and on weekends he wants to do stuff with his friends and I just feel left out. We compromise so that he makes equal time for me when he can but it is still difficult. I miss him a lot and wish he could be around more and be active in my and our sons lives. As for romance, my husband has never been romantic. Not even an ounce. He did cutesy things in the beginning of our relationship but that didn’t last long. That just isn’t who he is and I can’t change it. Now as for the in bed thing, you are pushing him away because you want things you aren’t getting so you are refusing to give him things he wants. Don’t throw sex out of your marriage because it is so important to have that connection with him. Spice things up a bit. Shutting off sex all together will hurt you both. Hope things get better and you both can work on communication and have a happy marriage

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Maybe don’t turn him down. After get the kids to bed,y’all have a drink while watching a movie or tv show together before bed…or bathe or shower together…and then hit the bedroom…Also…if ur drive is the problem…FemStim Max on Amazon is a great herbal supplement for getting women in the mood and also have a cream can put on beforehand…stimulator…that gets you going. Maybe even watch an erotic movie together.Try to find some small time around each others schedules to do even small things together and do things for each other…if it is even just cooking him his favorite meal…mine loves when I cook steaks…or buying him some much needed clothes. Try to make time at least once a month to go out to eat together…with or without kids…go shopping together as a family…and generally doing things when in each other’s company. Also,try to find something you both enjoy doing and do that together. Fishing,playing video games,etc…Got to add…most men aren’t romantic. Mine is about as romantic as a rock. Gives me money to get my own stuff on Vday and Mothers Day. Oh well. Good dad and husband anyway

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It gets that way though. Long term relationships aren’t going to be that crazy in love feeling all day everyday but the true way to know is if you’re willing to put the work and time in to get there again, and in our experience it always always comes back! Now communicating and not being comprehended or heard, that’s a real relationship issue.

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Maybe you could initiate something slower and more romantic for you before he climbs all over you. Make bedtime playtime to nurture that spark.