Can you post anonymously? Unfortunately, I don’t have many friends, and I don’t want to go to family for advice… But I found out my husband cheated on me. I had suspicions a few months ago. We were going through a really rough time. I’ve had two pregnancy losses, and my depression does get the best of me… I will admit that. But the girl he cheated with ended up telling me. (Even though I don’t like her, I appreciate the honesty) but the worst part is… I know I love him. I can’t imagine my life without him. We have a son, my stepson. I’ve been apart of his whole life with us having custody, and he is MY son. My world. And I don’t know if I want to forgive him because I love him or because it’s the easy way out. Moving out and moving on is hard… Has anyone forgiven this? I’m super Christian. And forgiveness is a big part of me. But this is something I just can’t handle.
Oh man this is so tough. If you want to stay and make the relationship work you kinda need to just get over it and keep it in the past. Good luck to you mama! If you choose to stay, I hope everything works out
If he “gets away” with it once, it will definitely happen again. Living a miserable life bc of your religion is nonsense in this day & age. Leave that cheating POS. Talk to the child’s mother and see if she is willing to let you continue your relationship with him. There is ALWAYS a better way than lowering yourself to a mediocre unhappy life just bc it’s easier!
If you don’t have trust, what do you have? It makes for a very hard relationship after the trust is lost. You would have to completely forgive him and he owes you a big apology. I have 5 kiddos 2 of which are my hubbies. But like you said they are MINE. I’ve been with them over half of their life. That would be a decision you’d have to make and I couldn’t imagine having to choose between a cheating husband whom didn’t even tell you or your step child who you feel is your baby. That would be tuff. It would be very hard to be 100% again in your relationship. And he went out of your relationship once. He could very easily do it again.
So taking into consideration your beliefs and your son, I recommend first seeking marriage counseling. You say you love him and you can’t see yourself without him, then You really need to decide if you can forgive him and move on and therapy will help you with that. But if you know you won’t be able to forgive him and move forward, then you need to leave. But just know that your depression DOES NOT make it ok or give him an excuse to be unfaithful. Do not lower yourself to that. You’re doing the best that you can, and when you needed him most, he chose to cheat.
I’ve been in the same boat with the same feelings and he ended up doing it again. Finally he ended up leaving me for someone else. Yes, it’s hard to move on but you need to respect yourself because he does not respect you and your relationship. True love isn’t cheating and having eyes for another woman. You deserve happiness even if it means being alone.
If you can’t handle it then don’t try and force yourself to. If when things get bad he cheats what happens the next time things aren’t great.
Pregnancy loss can affect men just as much as us moms but they stay bottled up. Has he been remorseful? I think you should both seek counseling and marriage counseling as well.
The bible days say you can leave if there is cheating going on . The trust is gone you wont trust him or feel good about it.
You can absolutely save your marriage and forgive him! But you need to really forgive him and let it go! If he is willing to do anything to keep you! If you truly don’t believe he is sorry and will do it again, then leave immediately!
Once a cheater always a cheater I know that phrase is overused but it has alot of truth behind it…it is a rush for them and they will do it anytime you are having a “rough patch” are you willing to go thru the pain of finding out over and over again?
Ugh I think people are completely over looking the fact that he also lost 2 babies. Men also grieve. Not excusing it whatsoever, but I think sometimes people do some really hurtful things when grieving. Especially men.
Child loss affects men too and maybe him having an affair was a way for him to cope (still not excusing it).
Pursue marriage counseling if you don’t want to end the marriage. Get to the root of why he cheated in the first place. Maybe it was grief. Men grieve too when miscarriages happen and yeah, it’s worse on women, but I think us women are also guilty of also not being supportive to our partners during child loss.
Is he even remorseful for doing it, is he willing to go thru a min of 6 months personal therapy to figure out some of his own shit that caused this before you even consider marriage counseling, does he even want this relationship? As a Christian you can forgive him, that’s for you though. That doesn’t mean you have to stay married. Get yourself some therapy to help you thru all this trauma that’s happened in your life, it will help!no decision has to be made right now, take the time to really assess yourself and this relationship.
I had the cheating husband and I forgave for our childs sake…after much work and heartache he cheated again!!! And yet again came back begging mercy. Sadly when your marriage ends so will the relationship with the step. Perhaps the bio mom will allow some visits but eventually it to will taper off. Count your blessings and get out. Once a cheater always a cheater
If he can’t be there for you when ur at ur lowest point then why the hell does he deserve you now…
just because you are depressed, don’t mean its ok for him to cheat…
He needs to do some serious “making it up to you” if you do decide to work at it.
you will never forget tho.
My ex husband cheated on me 2 years into our marriage. Her husband actually called me and told me. Of course he denied it at first. Then I guess her husband kicked her out of their house and my husband actually thought he was going to move her and her kids in with us. Nope! We did end up staying together for 21 years of marriage. I asked for a divorce because of the way he started treating me with my health issues. Best thing I did!
You can’t make yourself forgive the unforgivable. Even the Bible allows for divorce when unfaithfulness occurs. You’re allowed to mourn your loss of pregnancy without being worried your husband will cheat.
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal. Sorry, I would move on
You don’t have to decide today or tomorrow. Take that pressure off of yourself. You have to do what’s best for you and yours. In time you will make the right decision. Give yourself a little time to process the situation. What you can’t do is allow the children to become involved in your arguments or decisions. Otherwise you will cause them more harm than good, either way.
Read Torn Assunder then read Before A Bad Good-bye then read Get The Junk Out Of Your Trunk. Marriages can survive and be stronger on the other side. Fireproof and Marriage On The Rock as well as I Don’t Want A Divorce are also great books.