How do I go about finding out who my sons father is?

So back, when I got pregnant with my son, I was single and having sex regularly with one guy and hooked up with another one just once … The condom slipped off with him, and I never used condoms with my FWB so needless to say I got pregnant … my son was born (which was the greatest blessing btw) I was honest with both guys and accepted that I was gonna be a single mom … No big deal not worried about child support I make enough money to take care of my little guy and he basically saved my life from the downward spiral I was going through… my FWB was a drug addict (which was great cus at the time so was I) the other guy was literally just a one night stand… it’s been three years my son’s never met with one. The one-night stand guy was ready to do a DNA test till he got a girlfriend, and then he just went ghost … the FWB guy totally belittled me said I was money-hungry (even though I never once mentioned money) and moved 2 hours away … I have nothing but first and last names of these guys … I don’t know what to do … Or if I should even do a DNA test on either one… I’m in a really good relationship with an amazing guy who has accepted my son as his own, but I’m worried that later down the road, my son will start to ask questions, and I don’t want to lie to him. My sister’s both were raised by nonbiological fathers, and it affected my youngest sister finding out that the man who raised her wasn’t her bio father. . I just don’t know if the courts can find these guys. And if I go through court, I don’t want them to have to pay child support cuz. Frankly, I don’t need either one, but I feel like I need to give my child a name should he ask … I did everything in my power to encourage a relationship between my child and their sperm donor, but I’m just at a loss … my boyfriend wants just to tell him he’s his father and legally adopt him once we get married, I just don’t feel comfortable lying to my child…

33 Likes

Take the guy you know better for a DNA test. If it ain’t him, take the other dude.

2 Likes

Worry about it when he gets older if he starts asking questions then be honest but I wouldn’t worry about it if neither guy wants to be involved and your boyfriend now stepped up and took on that role so why risk the good you have now?

8 Likes

I think the father has a right to know. Unless your in danger I don’t think it’s right to take that from either of them.

1 Like

Honestly I’d lie. But there’s always the chance your son could do one of these DNA test kits later on and then he’d find out. But if you do a DNA test through the court the dad could gain rights and I’m sure you don’t want that…::

8 Likes

Should have thought about this before getting pregnant or while they were still around it’s been 3 years . U don’t wanna lie when he asks questions tell him the truth when he is older , he has a father in his life that wants to be there be thankful for that .

11 Likes

Do DNA test and let possible baby daddy know that your getting it done because new hubby wants to adopt your son. Then don’t tell son till he’s much older like 16/18 let him grow up knowing only 1 dad and tell him when he is old eno6to understand. He’ll want to know which his bio dad is once he finds out.

1 Like

Do not lie to him… write down the names you have and be honest with him, when he gets old enough to ask give him the names and let him decide for himself if he wants to go down that road… but dont lie to him, that will only lead to problems for all of you down the road

7 Likes

They may be more willing to do the test if you tell them you will pay for it, otherwise I think the only way the courts will actually look for them is if you file for child support. Or you may have to hire a Private investigator or attorney to find them.

1 Like

You need to find out whos the father your boyfriend cant adopt until the actual father signs off on it

3 Likes

Do a DNA test because that baby deserves to know his father.

You can’t make either one take a DNA test. But be honest with your child when they are old enough to understand. And if they want to seek their possible father out, then that is their rightm

1 Like

Take one for DNA if its not him then its the other guy…if u dont want child support i would suggest testing the guy u DONT think is the father…bc if they do a DNA and u get ANY kind of assistance they will go after him for support…

1 Like

Do not lie to your child!

1 Like

I would write the names down and pursue this later when your son asks. Both those guys walked away when they were aware. Your son doesn’t need either one of them. A DNA test or a piece of paper won’t change his current life or the father figure he has.

18 Likes

Then don’t lie… tell them the truth… just like u did here. You haven’t done anything wrong. If your child is interested when they’re older, tell them everything you can. All u can do us be honest … good luck xx

3 Likes

Also he can’t legally adopt him unless the real father signs over rights.

1 Like

San test and ancestry kit!

1 Like

I’m glad I never lived a lifestyle where I have to worry about these things.
Good luck

9 Likes

Why would he ask? Kids don’t just grow up and ask if you’re really their parent. If you don’t let him know your boyfriend isn’t his dad he won’t ask questions.

1 Like