My husband and I are taking a break and separating to really evaluate if this marriage can change. It needs to be better for our two young kids. There has been a lot of hurts. My husband can treat me an amazing one minute and then completely terrible the next. I miss him and our life, but I do know this is a thing we both need. How do I go from a family to being a single mom? What kind of resources are out there for support? When will it stop hurting? Is it the right thing to do? My thoughts are really everywhere! Any advice, ladies? Please be kind.
There is marriage counseling for the two of you, to try and save your marriage
I’ve never been a single mom so I can’t give u much advice, but if u want to save your marriage that’s what I would do
I was having the same situation, he got diagnosed first with depression and anxiety, then all the sudden i saw him go from full energy to be completely depressed, I started searching and found out it might be bipolar ii, he left us and after like 4 days i saw his mom and she saw the same so she told him to talk to his doctor and in fact he is bipolar. His mood swings make them treat us nice and then all the sudden they fight with us, they are having a battle in their head. As guys they dont like to have a weakness so thats part of the problem when they don’t accept they need help. Maybe try to look in that way. I might end up signing the divorce papers, I have a 20 month old and 13 weeks pregnant. The pain won’t go away, just take one day at the time. It’s difficult its horrible but we have our kids and they just have us. You can do it. Fight for you marriage if thats what you want but not fight to each other. Don’t lose yourself in the way, we have our kids!
No one deserves to be mentally or physically and emotionally abused
I’m not one to sugar coat anything. It will be hard! You will need to accept help from family and friends, which was very hard for me due to thinking I could do everything. Just remember it takes a village. There was days I was so exhausted, angry, happy, sad, basically every emotion possible and many every day as well as hourly. I felt and at times still feel like a failure when it came to our marriage. Try your hardest not to bring your kids into yours and your husbands relationship as I found when I did it once it hurt them very much. As hard as it maybe you will have to suck it up and ensure your children that both parents love them and not bash the other. Some days were super hard for me and I literally had no energy for anything, it’s ok to just have a pj and movie day. Have your kids help you with little things. Take a break for yourself once in a while.
There’s Councelling for both individual as well as marriage Councelling that both party’s need to want to do, it can’t be one sided. You will both need to do some deep soul searching to know what you want and it maybe together or separate. Know your worth more and you deserve more then getting treated terrible.
For my family my ex and I got a divorce and I am very happily with the most amazing man which I never thought was possible. My ex and I have a pretty good relationship when it comes to parenting together. Don’t get me wrong it was many years and arguments between the two of us to finally get to having a good relationship for our children. Our children are now 17, 14 & 13. We split up 7 years ago when they were 10, 7 & 6. Honestly, it was the best thing I ever did for me.
Self care and lots of it! Find yourself again. Get a hobby, go out with your friends for coffee… don’t isolate!
Work on yourself. Go to work or find a hobby. Everything will fall into place.
Aww I’m sorry First off remember why you are doing this! And Remember your kids faces, they want to see mommy happy. Take time to be with your kids and let that bring you joy. Your a great mother and if you guys can talk it out or take a break to see if that’s actually right… do it! Enough of him. Spoil your self and remember that that’s how it should be. I’ve been single almost 4 years and I can’t believe I was so naive. Ruined a lot of happiness for my son and I, I should of left long ago. They Either fix the attitude or gotta go… if you ain’t got nothing good to show my kid. Buh bye
I’m in the same boat. Just separated from my husband of 12 and half years. I feel your hurt momma.
Not a single mom though. It might hurt seperating but that doesn’t mean your on your own. Those kids have 2 parents… if you guys keep your feelings out of it, the kids will still have the support from both of you they deserve.
When me and my oldest daughters dad split… it was rough. It was a severely toxic relationship, a horrible break up… It was just not good in so many ways. But the one thing we did agree on was that our daughter should still have the family vibe, we still did things with her together, spent time with her together… He and I just couldn’t be together… And it was fantastic. We became the best of friends. We enjoyed our time together with our daughter… We just couldn’t be in a relationship. We never got back together, but we cheered each other on in life. We still had mad love for each other but what was created after the break up was too beautiful to risk trying again and it ending badly. Was it rough to not get back together… Yeah… But we created a great dynamic for us and our daughter and that was what mattered to us. So my advice is… You don’t have to be best friends… But try to keep some normalcy for the kids because maybe you guys can take each other in doses, just not all the time. I’m sorry you’re going through this… But know that it’s ok if you guys don’t work out. I know it hurts, and it sucks, but that pain is only temporary… It’s what you guys do from here that’s gonna make all the difference. Just because you’re becoming a “single mom” doesn’t mean you have to be left alone. Let him be around for the kids… But set some boundaries.
I’m not a single mom but my mom was. And although my parents weren’t together they still were parents. Yes most days will be more on you, but he should not stop being a dad
Just remember you got this!!
Every situation is different. My ex husband was very toxic when it came to our two kids but at the same time he stopped being a part of their lives at all. My third daughter of a diff relationships father and I get along just fine. He sees her every chance he gets, buys her diapers and wipes anytime I ask, anything the girls needs he is there no questions asked. I don’t ask child support from him bc he is active in her life. It just depends on your relationship with the father and his with the kids
My only advice is to get therapy for yourself to vent and talk it out. Other than that us women are ment to bend and not break. You got this
It’s best 2 separate if ur constantly fighting in front of kids words or otherwise it just isn’t good 4 them. It sounds like hes bipolar and needs meds or therapy atleast. Separation usually doesnt end well but u got this. U are strong u are superhero
this was me 2 years ago. we tried seperation etc. 2 years later I’m so much happier. tbh I felt so much happier once I knew it was really over. it was like a huge weight had been lifted. I couldn’t deal with not knowing which version of him I was going to get.
Being a single mum is hard. But I have also found it so so much easier in many ways. I dont know about support but my friends and family were amazing and always being there for me
I wasn’t young when my parents split but for the remainder of our childhood it seemed like even if it were awkward my parents (especially my mom) would come together to give my brother and I the support that we needed. They put us first above their own feelings and that’s the way it should be. They still both need you and if you can take your feelings out of it you can still come together as a family.
I know its hard, Give your good energies to your children with positiveness. They see their Mother positive and encoraging it will work. God bless you.
I honestly prayed a lot for my own sanity, surrounded myself with family and friends as much as I could and looked forward towards goals I had left behind. It’s hard but give yourself enough time to try and make you feel better, do what you set out to do by taking this break, before running back into the relationship. Be realistic and don’t expect change from the other person, but you can change yourself and what you will become for you and your children. Best of luck