How do you co parent with a parent who doesn't correct behavior?

I’m divorced and co-parenting four kids with my ex. Our smallest child is having issues at daycare, and I had to sit in a meeting with them about his actions. I’m the only one who pays for everything for our kids. I get no support, nor do I ask for anything for them because I know I won’t get it from him. Anyways I talk to him about these issues, and he blames the daycare, saying I need to remove him that our child isn’t the problem even though we are having the same issues at both of our houses. He gives our youngest whatever he wants and gives him extra when he throws tantrums. He also treats him like a baby. I ask him to help with potty training when he is there and he doesn’t. He makes his mom take care of our kids when he is supposed to have them( they live in the same house, and he won’t do anything for them but still wants them over), but when I say, why does your mom take care of them he acts like he does everything for the kids… So my question is, how do you co-parent with a parent who sees nothing wrong with his child acting out (basically hitting teachers and throwing tantrums? He is 3) this is unacceptable behavior for me. Our other kids have never done this. I’m just totally done with this man. I want my kids to be with their father. They love him, but I just want some sort of compromise, but everything I ask for him to do the “magically already does it” when I know for a fact he doesn’t, I’m not even asking for much; I just want our child to have a better future.

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You little is expressing his emotions because of the situation, for him it should be hard to have 2 homes and maybe grandma let him do whatever as well
I have no advice, im just trying to understand the situation, what i can tell you its to talk to your ex, he needs to be on board if not it will be impossible and who will get hurt its your little one. He doesn’t understand

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I think we have the same motha fucking baby daddy. Stg.:flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed:

Your always going to have this issue with the ex especially when u share children. What you do won’t be right and what he does won’t be right in the others eyes. I’ve learned that if the children are not in any immediate danger for instance around drugs, alcohol, no heat or water or access to a phone just incase something does happen, then you just have to allow it to take place. Yea I know sounds stupid but even if you take each other back to court, if that’s your agreement, the judge is going to laugh at both of you guys and your still be forced to let them go over there. In due time your children will see who does things for them and with them vs the other. They will make up their minds when that level of maturity hits. I have a 9 year old I share custody of and while I had a problem with alot my ex did around my son I couldn’t do much about it bc he was never harmed or could get harmed. Us mothers think other wise in every situation when our eyes aren’t on our kids but that’s how my court system saw it. Now that he’s older he tells me all the time he’d rather not go there. His dad spends no time with him. Their house is filthy. He just plays video games all day and they always order take out. Your children will grow tired of it and perhaps then they will tell them how they feel with no help fm you and that’ll open ur exes eyes… good luck

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First of all, the kid is 3, which means impulse control is only beginning to develop. He has no stop mechanism when it comes to outbursts, so your expectations on him are too high and there shouldn’t be any discipline in the first place. This is the age where you model the behaviour you want to see (meaning if you spank/hit your child as discipline, they aren’t going to learn to not hit that way). Instead offer alternatives to the hitting… “when we’re mad we don’t hit because that hurts people, we stop and take a deep breath.” Tantrums are normal. They are just frustration from not being able to communicate their emotions properly. Connection over punishment should be the focus, so they don’t build up resentment and fail to develop proper coping mechanisms due to not being receptive to learning. As for getting the other parent to do what you think is the proper way, there’s nothing you can do about that. Just like you are entitled to parent how you wish, so are they.

Keep in mind that separation is very hard on a child. This is their whole world being turned upside down, bouncing from one home to the next. They are confused and don’t know how to process that confusion. Your child isn’t giving you a hard time, he is having a hard time.

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Unacceptable is my 6 year old hitting etc or my 13 year old. A 3 year old this is and can be very normal and typical for a child his age . Especially if there not talking properly . I have been there with a child before . At least he blamed daycare and not you. But this is normal stuff. Some daycares wont tell you there getting hitting from another class mate as well. Also Maybe you need to keep baby in your care longer to make sure you potty train him or At least to be more consistent with it. You need to put your foot down to get on the same page . I had to many times .

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Play therapy might be good. Little guy is having a really rough time coping and it comes out in frustration and anger. He needs coping & self-soothing strategies and lots of love and reassurance that all the adults in his life love him and will be there forever him always, even when households change. Be sure he understands nothing he is or did caused the divorce. Kids think they are the center of the universe & they’re the cause of everything.

Make sure he has lots of physical exercise: playground time, running around the yard or sidewalk, maybe a mini trampoline.

Play music and dance with him and see what he likes: soothing ambient, head-banging metal, improvisational jazz, soaring opera, show tunes. Music and movement are great ways to show and experience emotions when we can’t express them in words.

Also look into yoga, meditation, tai chi or other types of meditation for kids. And check on your other kids: they may be having a really hard time coping too but are quieter about it.

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Really simple talk to the person who is helping raise them, his MOTHER.

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Sounds like he needs change of attitude that he has to be better parent . I would both of you need to sit down and talk about how he is reacting towards yall son acting out in daycare and maybe tell him how he is making you feel with the lack of parenting he is doing . Most three years do throw tantrums. It really can be difficult if y’all both don’t see eye to eye about the problems with y’all son . Also I would get his mother involved in the conversation

Co parenting is hard, even with a parent who wants to help. But when you have to deal with a person being a child themselves, it’s even harder. I would set some rules, and put them in the custody order if you have to. I can understand not wanting or needing his support, but I would put that in place as well, because even if you don’t want it, your kids deserve to have that. Just put it in an account for when they’re older, if you don’t need it. I would also try to find a different way to approach the situation, maybe try to avoid blaming him, because he seems like he’s trying to blame anyone but himself, because he can’t accept that he needs to be a better parent. It’s hard to deal with, I’ve done it. I hope you figure it out soon, because I understand how frustrating this is, and you need to get your child’s behavior in check at daycare. If need be, talk to his mom who helps with the kids. Maybe she can help find ways to break your son of his behavior.

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If he pays nothing take him to court to take away visitation till he puts his big boy pants and starts acting like I ke a man.and also corrects his son

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I’m not condoning behavior like that, but maybe he’s depressed and can’t handle the kids? Which is another issue in of itself … sounds like he needs therapy and to get his shit together

You know unfortunately you don’t have any control over how he parents if its becoming an issue with school they could shorten the time of his visitation (like my friend kept taking his daughter to school late so now he only sees her on the weekends) …or go to court and suggest a co parenting class but other then that you can’t force someone to do things your way even if they are better for the child sorry

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Daddy’s mom need to leave when he has the children, and dad needs to man up and pay and take care of them ! Other wise no visits to daddy till daddy can act and be a dad !

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maybe talk to grandma (dads mom) since she is there?

I don’t see him changing anytime soon.

This^^ I need answers too mine does this too

Scold both of them, clear n to the point. Don’t start nagging bout other BS

My ex never did. He said that’s my issue & my problem. Not his. He wanted to be a Funtime Dad. Since he only got our child every other wknd. So he told me the last thing I wanna do is punish her for something she does at your house. & why was I telling him in the 1st place. Needless to say. The guys a tool. He got his in the end. The trash took itself out :woman_shrugging::wastebasket:

Stop allowing them to spend the nights there allow only supervised visits with you present that way you can make sure your kids are not being neglected and they still get to see their father. If he doesn’t agree to it then I guess he doesn’t wana see his kids bad enough :woman_shrugging: in the end you gotta do whats in the best interest for your children
And girl stop playing and put his ass on child support you know where he lives fill out the paperwork they’ll serve him at his house then he has no choice he will be forced to pay or put in jail. Eff all that crazy talk your talking
Yall woman really need to start sticking up for your children not because you deserve it but because THEY DO.
And before anyone says anything I have 2 under 2 my self and im dealing with the same bs and I promise you IT WILL NEVER CHANGE. STICK UP FOR YOUR MF KIDS

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