How do you deal with the cope of a miscarriage when you had no idea you were pregnant?.. I’m struggling, my heart hurts, but at the same time, I don’t really know how to grieve with two other children on my hips and work. I had no idea I was pregnant; the doctor said it was early, and I must have been max five weeks pregnant. I wanted that baby even though I didn’t know I was pregnant. I’m almost in what feels like a shock period where emotionally, I don’t even know how to comprehend what happened. All I know is my heart hurts, my family and partner keep telling me that I’ll have another and that I will be okay. That it was God’s will and my body telling me something wasn’t right with the baby… but the loss still hurts… and to me, I still lost a baby.
Bless your heart. Your aloud to grieve however that looks to you. There may be more babies down the road, but that didn’t change this any. Regardless of how far along you were. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I had this happen to me when I was a young mother. I was only 21, already had a 3 and 1 yr old. Lost an unknown pregnancy at 3 months. I was not allowed to grieve. I was told, you cant miss what you never had. Let me assure that YES, you can. You grieve however you need to and dont let anyone tell you different. Make time for you, take care of yourself and let your heart heal. Thoughts, prayers and love sent to you. God bless.
Remember, things happen for a reason, doesnt mean you cant be upset and greive - but dont let that get you too down. You have healthy babys, a job, loving family. Some arent so lucky. Maybe have a little ceremony for your lost one, or get yourself a little token (necklace, bracelt, earrings, etc) as a memorial for yourself. Hope you get through this quickly and dont feel upset for too long.
Consider getting some mental health services. Grief and loss are tough to go through
I experienced a loss with my first baby. My husband and I both had a hard time coping, but he hid it better. We still talk about that baby even though it’s been 6 years. We named the baby despite knowing the gender. I also planted a garden. Taking care of the garden every spring and summer made me feel as if I was taking care of that baby. I put all my favorite flowers in there and looking at it every year makes me happy. Give yourself time to grieve and give yourself grace. There’s no award for who can overcome loss first. Take the time you need Lots of prayers for you and your family
I lost a baby at 12 wks in March of 2017 and i didn’t realize just how much it was going to effect me! It bothered me so bad seeing others pregnant or new babies out with there families! I almost despised these ppl i didn’t even know! I got some books on child loss and grieving and definitely leaned on my SO and my mom to help me cope! He hid his feelings better than me! Over time it got easier and i was able to feel as though it happened for a reason and not feel so terribly hurt over it. Lean on those who love you and take it slow! Grieve for as long as you need to and how you need to! Never let anyone tell you how you should feel! We were blessed with a healthy boy March of 2018!! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel! Best wishes💜
I HATED when people said that to me, I know they were being kind and with good intentions. But it wasn’t what I wanted to hear; I don’t know if I wanted to even hear anything but just to be heard.
It doesn’t get better or easier, you’ll learn to just live with it because it’s something you can’t undo. I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy with emergency surgery and a miscarriage a few months later. I had a friend message me because I canceled plans so much telling me how much I basically suck as a friend and if I even want to be their friend.
I found the most support in a support group surrounding by a ton of women who knew exactly how I felt and that helped.
Be easy on yourself and always remember self care is first. I hope your journey ends with a rainbow baby when you’re ready to try again.
Honey think about it in a way that let’s you understand that baby and you body knew it either wasnt the right time physically or that baby would have severe complications, I know that may be hard to wrap your head around but early miscarriages are usually due to chemical indicators that something isnt right or something hasnt connected the way it should have…also let yourself grieve, bawl your eyes out if you need too, punch your pillow or scream into it, let yourself feel what you know you are feeling…dont hold yourself back from appreciating that that baby chose you as mama even if it was for the shortest time…sending loves and hugs to you mama
Doesnt matter whether you knew or not beforehand, your maternal instincts kicked in, it was a little person, your son or daughter. Had you known you were pregnant you would have grieved your loss, this is no different. Your loss and grief are very real. Many parents, esp moms have to get some Councilling to deal with it, just so you know. Take a bit of me time for yourself, perhaps a week sick leave. Give your baby a name…something that will fit with either boy or girl, like for example, Joey, Joie, Jackie etc, could be either. Then sew a little tree or shrub that will berry or flower in the month you miscarried. Let it be a happy tree. Put a bird feeder in it, or a previous idea above…a little garden, flower bed…
What ever you have room for… It will be a place for you to go to get comfort. Picture what your baby may have looked like…an amalgamation of your two children with a laughing face. Mark the date on the calander. When your children are older they too can mark that day with you. Just ideas. These are what I did. It will get easier I promise, but at the same time 35 years later, I still shed a tear, but the ache is now a picture of playing angels. (3) When I need help, I ask them, and they do. Ask your baby to make your grief easier to bear. It will still take time. Involve your husband in whatever you do in yer babie’s memory, that way you are not carrying it all yourself. Condolences & best of luck
You can grieve however you need to. I have had 2 miscarriages and it’s never easy. I was already in counseling when I lost my first and they gave me a great suggestion was to make a memorial for the baby I lost and that helped me a little bit but do take the time to grieve your loss. I’m praying for you
My daughter lost her first pregnancy at 5 weeks also… For her she went to therapy to learn how to grieve, she also bought something tangible to remember the lost of that life… as for me i couldnt do anything or say anything to help other than just hold her and let her cry it out… she did get pregnant right away and now i have an 8 week old granddaughter who is absolutely amazing!! Time heals … the best it can…
The hurt never heals. You learn to cope one day at a time. My son would have turned 22 this past Feb and I’ve lost 4 more since him. The pain is very real, but I have to keep telling myself I have 2 beautiful, healthy gifts from God. Love and hugs to you.
You did lose a baby. Your feeling are relevant. You deserve to grieve. You deserve time to figure out your emotions. Your family is right though, YOU WILL BE OKAY eventually. But there is no time limit as to when you should feel like it. Honestly I dont believe God works like that. I think it is sin that makes us imperfect and sin comes out in all different ways. My daughter was born imperfect. That is how sin manifested itself in her. She is not being punished I am not being punished. You are not being punished and neither is your unborn child. Sin is just imperfection and it is not anyones fault. We live in an imperfect world, where you had a miscarriage and now you are hurting. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you can get the time you need to feel and grieve.
I didn’t feel sad over it, so I didn’t need to cope.
A good friend of mine who has had many miscarriages told me something that her doctor told her- something must have been wrong with the embryo and it was a blessing that you miscarried when you did. If you carried that baby to term and something was wrong with the baby, how would it impact your children who are here on earth if you had to be a nurse the rest of your life. It gave me a lot of peace to believe that there was something wrong with my embryo and that’s why I had a miscarriage. I’m pregnant now with my rainbow baby and it’s hard but you will heal. I went to therapy and it helped a lot. Sending you lots of love mama, so sorry you had to go through this
Its been over 44 yrs since my first miscarriage and two more after that. I had a baby 40 yes ago and I still remember the babies I lost. The pain fades with time but it never leaves me. I will always remember them and wonder what could have been. Life does move on. Just pray and pray. If is meant to be you will have another baby. Leave it in God’s hands. Prays for you and yours
I’m sorry you lost your baby. I have an almost 12 year old and lost my mother at the end of January this year. Found out I was pregnant in February, had a miscarriage at the end of March, and in June found out I am pregnant again. I was told I could not have kids ever, and my daughter was a miracle. Then I was really upset that I lost the baby. But, this baby is due on my maternal grandmother’s birthday and feel like it’s my mom. It is painful, my best advice is allow yourself to grieve because I didn’t and everyone around me pointed out the difference they noticed in me. Being a single mother living 1800 miles away from my family, I worked full time, did homeschool and pretended everything was okay when I was hurting and denied myself the opportunity to grieve
I’ve been there, recently. I did know I was pregnant though. I felt the same way. Like I was in a state of shock, it felt like a dream. Then it came in waves of allll the emotions😭 I’m still healing. So sorry for your loss.
Hang in there momma, pray, and take care of yourself! Reach out to the people that nourish your soul! You got this
Take some time for yourself to grieve in to mourn your loss. When I lost a baby I didn’t warn I didn’t grieve I just continued on and pushed through. It caught up with me years later. Take some time to go through the stages of grief you need to do this for yourself.