How do you deal with loss on your own?

I’ve been talking with this guy for seven months. I’ve known him for about ten years, though. We agreed to be friends with benefits because of how we know each other. Well, a couple of months go by, and I end up missing a period, and I end up having a miscarriage, and I didn’t say anything. Well, a couple more months go by, and I end up having another miscarriage. We ended up not talking for a while, dude to a person. Well, after a couple of weeks after having the second one, we end up hanging out, and I tell him about them. He was upset that I didn’t confide in him when it happened. But we weren’t speaking at the time. But we talked about it and whatnot. So no one in either of our families knows, and I’ve had to keep it to myself since I have no friends. My question is, how do you deal with the loss and not being able to confide in anyone about it? I’ve also been having dreams of the babies, and it just makes me sadder. How can I deal with this alone?

42 Likes

Find a good therapist. I love mine and she’s helped me through very difficult things that happened in my life, and continues to keep me on the right track. You aren’t alone. I’m so sorry for your losses.

2 Likes

There’s support groups here on Facebook you could join. I would reach out on there and talk to people who are experiencing the same loss. I have personally never had a miscarriage so I don’t know what you’re going through but I know it must be tough & I’m thinking about you. Sending comfort to you :heart:

6 Likes

Find a support group. I’m sorry for your loss.I myself have had 3 my oldest would have been 10 this month.

Do reading about self care and healing

You don’t sweetie.
You reach out like you just did. Be proud… it’s the first big step in traumatic healing :heart:

3 Likes

Sweetheart I I write this with love in my heart, friends with benefits is a no-win situation. We are humans with feelings. You can’t deny that. There are consequences to intimacy one getting connected in the attached and the other is exactly what you’re writing about. The possibility of procreating and the consequences of life. Go support group ride it out talk about it to anybody and everybody but this is a loss. And learn from this. My hope is that when you give yourself to somebody it’s somebody who would be there for you in a situation like this.

6 Likes

Miscarriage support groups on Facebook really helped me :two_hearts:
I am deeply sorry for your loss

1 Like

Use protection please

37 Likes

Yes, grief support groups (miscarriage specific is best) either in person or online if there’s no one in your orbit who you can lean on. I’m so sorry for your losses.

Usually it just happens, but may want to check with an OB/GYN to see if there’s anything going on that makes it harder for you to carry to term. It might be something that’s easily fixed.

Develop friends near and far so you don’t have to feel alone in the future. It’s tougher when you’re an introvert, but not impossible. Make friends through safe groups online, then when you’re comfortable meet in person. If you can have one really outgoing friend, they can sweep you up in a whole group of friendly people who can be your support system. Maybe people on this forum live near you and could befriend you.

Please use birth control unless you are trying for a baby. Being a single mom is really tough. Being a mom in general can be really tough without a lot of resources and family support.

Get some therapy for self esteem. “Friends with benefits” often turns out to being used for sex when there’s no serious attraction on the guy’s part & often ends in heartbreak. You are worth and deserve more than that. Why aren’t you looking for someone who loves you back (in that way) instead of convenience sex?

3 Likes

Get on birth control and find a support group!

5 Likes

TCF loss of a child is a really great group. Most have lost their children after birth but there are a few that have lost due to miscarriage. It’s a very supportive group. I lost my son when he was 21 just 2 years ago. My friends don’t understand because they all have their children so I had nobody to talk to. TCF helps tremendously.

1 Like

Support groups therapy

You should confide in him. Key word here is Friends with benefits. There are also hot lines

5 Likes

I wish I could hug youuuuuuuuuu

2 Likes

Prevent situations like that by using protection- it also keeps you safe from STIs and maybe you try to talk to a therapist. Seeking a one sided non beneficial relationship is not really healthy and it’s not going to let you heal the desire to have a baby means you are probably deeply wounded and you need to help yourself .

7 Likes
1 Like

Feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk :heart: it’s hard, And a taboo subject unfortunately no one likes talking about it.

Protection could help

Don’t have a baby with a FWB. Get on birth control and join a therapy group. This is not how you want to have children…

2 Likes