I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant and 25 years old with my second baby. My boyfriend (23) is the father to my second baby but I had a child previously to our relationship and we’ve been together for two years and live together. I’m wondering if I’m over reacting or not. Lately I’ve become more anxious about how actually invested and immature he is in our relationship. Through out the whole relationship I’ve had to baby step him on how a man should be with his family and how he needs to grow up (mentally). After every conversation he gets defensive when I just want him to grow and become better. Like for example instead of taking the time to look up baby things to become knowledgeable (which I’ve already talked to him about) he just wants to get on his ps4. He did not grow up with a positive father figure so I know it’s hard. But I can’t see myself growing with him and truly believing he can grow to be a great husband and provider if need be because he is so immature and young minded. I just don’t feel like we are on the same page in terms of mentality. Should I plan on becoming a single mother again or should I keep pushing through??
Once the baby in here he might completely change and mature!
My ex was like that and after 4 and a half long years I finally said it was time to end things and 2 years later he’s still the same way very immature and still not settled down living at his parents house off of their income a year and half I have been with my guy now and he’s really shown me what it’s like to be in a proper relationship we are expecting in July and he’s amazing with my 5 year old son we parent my son together and he’s been great watching videos about different baby products and helped me put a list together of the need items that have to be bought
Change how you are addressing it, your tone, wording etc. Just from the post, you see to have a “I’m more grown than you” tone going…which for ANY man will make them get on the defensive. My guy is 39 and still does that crap. For some guys they don’t get the dad feeling until the baby is actually here. From the way you ended the post, you do not seem very vested in working on the issues, esp asking well should I just plan on being a single mom again. Not trying to be rude…I’m just pretty blunt. But ultimately your life, your choice alone.
Give it til the baby is born. For a lot of men that is the turning point in whether they are going to step up or not. If he decides to still act the same then I would sit down and explain the issue and if he doesn’t change leave. I would recommend maybe giving him til baby is 1. That way he can still be apart of the firsts and show him how fast things will go now to help push him along a little more.
You are both young. Women mature much faster than men do and then you were already a mom on top of it so you had to grow up super fast!
It’s scary to think about and even myself at 32 and pregnant I didn’t do nearly as much reading Nd research about baby stuff as my partner. He is probably immature and not taking it seriously yet but you need to let him know it’s 50% his baby and 50% his responsibility too. That means feeding, changing, bathing, getting up at night etc.
I’d say give him some time and keep pounding it into his head. If he doesn’t do well being a dad and partner to you then think about leaving.
I did this same thing with my hubby in 2006. I broke it off out of fear of commitment. This rant sounds just like the ones I’d feed myself to make myself feel better about breaking it off. I can’t tell you what to do, but stop your commitment fearing driven hatred for him, if you don’t want to be with him, then just simply break it off.
Can’t raise a man. Don’t lose yourself trying♥️
Let me ask a question… Did the what to expect when your expecting book seriously teach you how to be a mature mother? Did google COMPLETELY prepare you for motherhood? No answer needed. NO. The answer is no. You needed to hold your baby and do things physically. You had to learn as you went. You seriously want to rip ur family apart that you chose to make with this man before he even gets the chance to be a good dad?? Stop it! He deserves a chance to at least have the baby here in his arms. If that doesn’t “grow him up” then leave. But I seriously doubt anyone looks up the user manual for a ps4 before they buy one. Lord no they learn with it in their hands!!! Let’s talk about the kid you already have. Does the child love him. It’s not about you and how you feel. You need to realize that preparing to rip a family apart before he has the chance to try to be the dad. That’s selfish. Probably not the answer you wanted but it’s how I see it.
If you keep pushing you might just push him away. So either way you’ll end up a single mother. Time to take care of your self and your children and stop worrying about what guys are doing.
You can not force or even encourage someone to grow up and change. They have to do it on their own. Some men will change once the baby arrives others will not. I hope for your sake he does step up.
A man sitting at home on a ps4 is a whole lot better than what he could be off doing and wandering if he is ever going to come home. My husband plays ps4 when he gets home from work but i dont mind it cause if i need help and ask him he will put the controller down and help . atleast he works and provides for him family.
Definitely on the way you’re coming at him… I mean would you like it if the roles were reversed and your significant other constantly comments on your lack of maturity or way of thinking? First things first, when I was 25 I thought I was mature and knew it all too. Trust me y’all both got some growing to do. We all grow and learn from our life experiences everyday until the day you die. Also, not all men wanna read up on babies, pregnancy, birth, etc… that does not make him immature.
In order to understand how exactly do you babystep him on how to be a man for his family? No my husband doesn’t review baby products online. I do then tell him why I like certain items and he will tell me how he feels about it. He didn’t have a father, he had an abusive step dad but he’s a damn good dad. He didn’t do the belly rubbings all the time or really act like I was pregnant for the most part. But he didn’t need to, instead he takes care of us and shows us love every day.
Honeymoon phase is over. Stick together and make the choice to love eachother through faults. Especially for your children.
Sounds like you’re trying to be his mom… wow… just the way this is worded makes me sad for him… If you don’t like the way he does things let him move on and find someone that will love him for who he is. This sounds so controlling and petty I don’t even know what else to say…
You seriously think he needs to look up and research baby things? Come on now. 95% of parenting is common sense…
You have to at least give him the chance when the babies born. Researching baby stuff… Well, people get by with our that all the time. There’s no guarantee but you don’t know how he’ll be till the time arrived.
Honey my husband was 31 when our first kid was born and he still wasn’t “ready” to be a dad. I had just turned 21 when our first was born but my motherly instinct kicked right in. Men don’t seem to be equipped with that. Our 3rd kid is due this year and he’s definitely come a long way since the first was born. Give him a chance. As far as looking up baby things I didn’t do that myself. Parenting is mostly learning as you go and using common sense.
First of all, you cant make a man do or learn anything he doesnt want to. Secondly, if both of yall want this relationship to work, then i highly suggest reading the 5 love languages. Because it seems like theres just some sort of lapse in communication. If he wasnt committed, i dont think hed be with you especially with you having a previous child and being pregnant. And sometimes guys need you to back off and give them a chance to come thru for you. It might not he in the exact way you would like, but at least they are learning and trying. Making someone look stuff up online would probably come off as extremely annoying and or obsessive