I need some words of wisdom and possibly advice, so my mother and I have always had a rocky relationship, and now that I have a son, it has only gotten more complicated. My mother was previously watching my son some nights while my husband and I worked, but after multiple stories and being told by my son that my mother and her husband argued and fought in front of him, we decided he did not need to be in that environment, so she no longer watches him overnight. My mother has a past history of bi polar and anxiety issues, so I know what my son has told me is most likely the truth. Now she is constantly blaming me for her being unable to see him or watch him unsupervised. I am so torn I know I should not force my child to be with someone he doesn’t feel comfortable with being alone with but her mood swings have just become to much. The holidays are coming up and she has a history of ruining them. How do you deal with toxic family members? How do I stop feeling so guilty?
No one in your family is more important than your children
Your son comes first. Can you just visit your mum with your son and not leave him alone with her?
If your child is uncomfortable being alone with her/them, then don’t leave him with them alone! Honestly I would just say you want the holidays to be alone time for your family. She can huff and puff but in the end if she is making everything dramatic and ruining holidays, and you’ve already tried to discuss these issues with her, it’s best if you just tell her that if she doesn’t change and work on her own behavior then she isn’t allowed to see your child anymore because he feels uncomfortable. If you’re at the point of thinking to cut her out of your life, then she’s probably too toxic for your child to be around and you need to do what’s best for your child.
You can miss her. That’s ok. But it’s not your job to make sure she acts right. It’s hers. Allow yourself to realize that her toxic behavior is her fault, and if she’s not willing to change, then you don’t have to feel guilty about not letting her in your life.
Im raising my kids half the country away from my family.
I’ve been no contact for almost 13 years. It was the best thing for all of us. She has actually never met my youngest child.
You don’t have to tolerate it. You don’t have to subject your son to it. Even if your not ready. Boundaries are very important. Some people are very good at manipulating the issues. Don’t fall for it. Keep your boundaries clear no matter what.
I cut my dad and i dont feel bad about it nor do i have any regrets. He lives not far from where i live supposedly but I don’t know where nor do i care. Also don’t have anything to do with my parents but i made that decision before they could. I just surround myself with people i know that truly love and care for my kids. Kids comes first.
My counselor asked me if I would let my friends treat me the way my family does… I said well no. He said just because you share DNA doesn’t make it ok. In fact, it will be harder because you are family.
Haven’t spoke to my sister in 10 years. I haven’t spoke to my mother in 7. Haven’t talked to my father in 4. Then my brother was the last to go 2 years ago. MY KIDS AND I ARE SOOOO MUCH BETTER NOW!!
Try reading the book “but it’s your family” it helped me a lot in dealing with my brother.
I walked away from a toxic family member 3 years ago. I had to for my physical and mental health. It is hard at first (okay some days I really miss her) but you really have to focus on you and your lil family because your mom is probably never going to change. Sorry sweetie
Try and have a talk with your mom. Most people that suffer from mental health fail to take there medication on a daily basis or it’s not the right one. Just remember it’s not her fault she has a mental illness.
Dont feel bad about protecting your child. You need to make sure he is in a safe environment.
Your child comes first
Cut them off love them from a distance but they just got to stay over there,wayyyyyyyy over there!well as for me
A relationship is both people. I had to cut it off when my daughter was little. She hated both of us and I couldn’t put my daughter through that. I wouldn’t feel guilty for protecting your son.
Well you knew what she was like before she had your son you know she as mental health problems so if your son said he does not want to be at his nanas then don’t just tell your mum that
Our kids and mental health should come before anything and anyone else. I’ve walked away from a lot of blood because it was just that time. It needed to be done after so many chances. You don’t have to feel guilty, or explain yourself. Don’t let anyone dim your shine Mamma! It gets easier, I promise!
At the end of the day it’s about about your mental state and your childs. My children do not see their paternal grandmother because of overstepping boundries, trying to blackmail us, threaten us and go as far as call cps even though there was nothing wrong. When we did give her a second chance she turned around and threw them a birthday party without our permission. At some point you just have to say enough for your child, especially if their uncomfortable or being put in the middle of adult conflict.
Your family is your hubby and kids now. Harsh as it sounds, cut off the toxic b4 it ruins YOUR family!
If you think you feel crappy now imagine if you didn’t cut the toxic out and something was to happen to the child. you would feel much worse it’s always better safe then sorry especially when it comes to toxic family members!
You don’t because you’re normal.
You just learn to live without it.
Know that the choice you’re making is for yourself, make peace with that and move forward.