How often should grandparents visit?

I gave birth to my partner’s first child (I already have one from a previous relationship) 5 1/2 months ago. Since giving birth, my Mother in Law has been NON- STOP at my house at least 3-4 times a week, and it’s really affecting the amount of time I, my partner, and kids spend as a family. Truthfully, I’m starting to resent her slightly as she’s constantly just here, and she’ll stay until at least 9-10 pm every night even though she does work in the daytime 9-4 pm. I’ve tried to approach my partner about his mum, and he is saying it will hurt her feelings, etc., but he said he’ll make hints to her so she’ll not come down to the house so much. I’m currently on Maternity Leave, and I’ll be back at work full time in May, so I really want to spend time with my family, and I don’t want to imagine coming back from work every day wanting to spend time with my family, and she’s here. She’s started a new thing of not calling before coming round meaning there’s been a few times where if I have friends over or other family members here, she sits with us all evening and doesn’t get the hint to perhaps leave me with my friends and family or leave early and disrupts a lot of movie/ game nights which I do with my son before she turns up midway through. Most of the time, when she visits, my partner is out of the house or out of the way, so it’s me who is left to entertain her, and most days, I’m tired and just wanting to spend time with my kids. Also, my baby is her only grandchild as her son is her only child, and this is his first child. Should I approach this subject with her or leave my partner to make subtle hints hoping she gets the message. Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you

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You are an adult, tell her she is getting on your nerves and she just can’t come over all the time. Don’t be passive aggressive just be honest with her. And lock your door and just don’t answer it.

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I would address the issue with her. Dropping hints almost never works. It may hurt her feelings, but I’m sure she will understand.

Just take her aside and tell her your feelings. You’re not baring her from the house, just maybe once or twice a week. :woman_shrugging: If it hurts her feelings, then it hurts her feelings. This is your family, this is your time, you need to do something. She’ll get over it eventually. She’s an adult. If she or hubby complain, just repeat how much you want family time to just be you and your kids and hubby for a little longer, at least until your leave is up (or whenever).

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Boundaries, maybe suggest she should leave by 7 pm, so you can have down time, put baby to bed. Etc. Be honest, but not mean. She is the grandma and you dont want to hurt that relationship with her and the child later. Be kind but boundaries are needed. Maybe 3 days a week only till child is older…

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I would talk to her about it. I honestly wish I had a grandparent who would come to my house all the time. I love when my boyfriends mom visits. My mom died 7 years ago so maybe that’s why I feel differently.

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I’d just softly let her know that you need space. Not only for your own mental health but to spend 1 on 1 time with your new baby. Tell her that spending time isn’t bad but it needs to be scheduled and under YOUR guidelines. You’re the mommy and have all the right to need time alone.

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Why can’t you tell her to go home yourself? Does she just walk into your house unannounced? If so, lock the door and simply don’t answer. If she has a copy of key, change the locks. Can’t rely on SO to stand up to their own parents since he clearly scared of hurting her feelings.

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It really is your son who should speak with his mother. But if he won’t then you should. Be as nice as possible and ask for her input to come to a compromise. I have always tried to not cause dissenting with the partners my children choose and believe me I had reason.

Sounds like YOU don’t care for her much as a person if she is irritating you that much.

That’s fine. People have boundaries and limits.

Tell her she needs to call before she shows up and speak to your husband about how often you’re comfortable with her being there. If she wants time with her grand baby you can also offer to drop him off with her.

You are an adult. She’s an adult. Don’t over complicate it.

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She sounds like a really lonely person to spend so much time there. I wonder if there are underlying reasons she’s doing this? That said, as a grandmother of 2 grandsons by my oldest son, and my only grandchildren, that’s too much time. Also noted, after my daughter-in-law went back to work, I keep both boys, but it’s in my home, not on their private space, unless by invitation or if the boys are sick and want to stay home.

You partner needs to sit down and actually talk to he’s mum not just ‘give hints’. After he’s talked to her and nothing has changed then, you sit down and talk to her. If she still hasn’t changed then you need to put your foot down and let her know that after a certain time you will not let her into the house, if she shows up uninvited then she would not be allowed in, ect.

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Why dont you go out at a time she usually shows up and when she calls gently tell her she should ask you before coming over. Also, is she trying to help you with the baby? Could be her trying to help

I say that is wayyyyy tooo much! Be kind but explain to her nicely that you are overwhelmed with having to entertain company (her) that often and she can come see her grandson once a week

You just had a baby! Grow a pair and tell her to give y’all some space. If her feelings get hurt oh well. That’s on her.

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You need to step up and voice your opinion and feelings. If your husband wont speak to his own mother about boundaries than you need to. Just sit down with her and tell her how much you appreciate how much she loves her grandkid and how much time shes been spending with yall, but youd really like to get a routine going and youd very much appreciate if she would call ahead and see if she can visit or set up a time that its okay so that you can still have your own family fun nights and things of that nature. Theres no need to get rude or even be mean. You can do it nicely and make sure she knows shes appreciated. Her feelings may get hurt at first but eventually she will understand that grandma needs “me” time too and allow you guys your space as well.

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Sometimes I think we all tend to over complicate things. Explain to her that as much as you feel your son is so blessed to be so loved, that you need family time with just your SO and kids. Tell her that it is absolutely nothing against her but that you’ve realized that you need more down time with just you and the kids while you can still have it while on leave. There is nothing wrong with explaining what you need. It’s up to her how she chooses to take it. Maybe if you tell her that actually some time out of the house for you and her son sounds really good and ask her if she would babysit a few hours a night once a week. Then you get a much needed break and it solidifies that you aren’t trying to keep her from the baby.

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Lock the door and refuse to answer when she shows up and close the curtains so she cant see in

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Set your boundaries before it gets out of control. You can approach the subject delicately just like you would at work. I’m sure she doesn’t even realize the inconvenience. Maybe offer certain days for her to come over to visit the grandbabies, good luck!

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You are very lucky to have a grandparent so involved!!! I do as well and it makes me so happy!! If you want to set some time boundaries I understand that, but her coming 3-4 times a week is amazing!! Maybe she knows when her son isn’t there and wants to make sure you and her grand baby are ok and being there to help. What an awesome grandma​:heart::heart:

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