How should I handle this situation with my child's father and step mother?

In 2017 my daughter asked to move in with her Dad and stepmom, so we reworked our custody agreement so that she could attend school where they lived at the time. Fast forward three years- my ex-husband never contacts me himself, it’s always his wife; she’s very vocal in telling me what I can and cannot do with my own child. Recently they gave my daughter a cellphone; she’s allowed to text them, her sister, and her friends but not me. If we want to talk, it has to be done through her stepmothers phone while she’s listening to the conversation bc my daughter is on speakerphone. My daughter has to bring her phone with her on her visits with me, and if she does not answer their calls or texts, she gets in trouble. Am I wrong for making the decision to get my daughter’s phone from her the next time she visits and hand it back to them and tell them that if they want to interrupt my time with her, they can contact her via my phone? There’s a lot going on with our parenting situation, but this issue takes the cake right now.

97 Likes

Tell his wife to butt out.

9 Likes

Wow o hell no first of all she the step mom isn’t to tell you Jack shit period .second your daughter is to be able to call you 24 × 7 period 3 if there’s a problem with 1 or 2 then the daughter moves back home with mom no its and or butts about it

Nope you’re not wrong!!

1 Like

Um u need to tell his wife that u and YOUR daughter need to have private conversations without her. And honestly I’d ask ur daughter if shes truly happy living there. Id also get her a cellphone for ur home to have for u and her

23 Likes

She didn’t grow and birth your daughter, yes she’s involved in her life but she has no right to tell you what’s going to happen with your daughter. Absolutely not okay

15 Likes

I would definitely have a private conversation with her and ask her if she still likes that living arrangement.

7 Likes

You are not wrong! That’s real effed up they don’t allow you and her to text, you’re her mom. It’s not like you lost custody of her, you allowed the living situation for school. So yeah your house your rules, hand that phone back and close the door in their faces.

12 Likes

You need to have a talk with dad one on one.

4 Likes

Your not wrong. And i would hand them back the cell phone.

3 Likes

If you have a custody agreement you can go to the courts and tell them what she is doing. It should be a violation that she has to be on speakerphone in order to speak with you. I wouldn’t allow this to continue. They can add phone time to your custody agreement. Private phone time

46 Likes

She is stepmother and she does live with her majority of the time? I would tell her if your daughter is old enough to have a cell phone then she should be aloud to speak to her mother on it! The stepmother does need to learn her place she is not the mother you are and she needs to respect you. Or it will turn into your daughter speaking to you the same way she does. I would talk to your daughter and see of she is happy there if not I would move into custody battle bc the stepmom sounds like she will put up a fight.

7 Likes

Sounds like you should do what you said, and also talk to your daughter about coming back to your house. Like have a deep conversation to her and tell her that she isn’t in trouble and you need to know if any abuse or controlling is happening because it sounds like there is. If she was old enough to make the decision to live with her father a couple years ago, she’s definitely old enough now to change her mind. Also, I would make it clear that you won’t sit there and listen to the conversations she has on your phone if you hand it back to them. Explain that you don’t want her getting in trouble when she’s busy having fun at your house just because she doesn’t respond to them. It’s your time. She can talk to them if she wants, but at the same time she shouldn’t be getting in trouble for not responding.

11 Likes

Agreed with JosephnJackie Esquivel. Take it to the courts. They won’t like that and she would most likely be held in contempt of the agreement

9 Likes

It sounds to me like her stepmom is afraid of your daughter saying anything stepmom might not like. I would have a serious conversation with your daughter the next time you have her and ask her if there’s anything going on or anything you need to know about that she wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in front of her stepmom. She is YOUR daughter after all, and should be allowed to speak to you without her stepmom hovering over her shoulder

14 Likes

You’re not wrong. This woman is overstepping her boundaries and you need to let her know as such.

11 Likes

Not wrong at all. Thats your daughter.

5 Likes

Your not wrong but it does sound alarming and she’s a very controlling woman, I wouldn’t stand for it I’d be wanting things changed and her father shouldn’t be allowing this it’s weird and wrong.

8 Likes

I would have a long talk with the father . W.

2 Likes

Am I the only one who thinks this is parental alienation? I would talk to her dad and if it can’t be resolved get court’s involved. That’s a toxic environment!

23 Likes