How should I handle this situation with my childs father?

Hey, so I wonder if I can do an anonymous post? I would like other’s opinions on what they would do in this situation. My kids’ father and I are no longer together. I’ve finally put my foot down and won’t allow him to disrespect me or use me in any kind of way. But now that I have chosen to be the bigger person and step away from the relationship, he’s no longer putting in the effort to talk or see his boys. I have been the one who has to call him for them to hear from him. He won’t see them at all unless I bring them to him. If I don’t drop them off to him, he’ll tell me it’s my fault, and I’m a bad mom for doing the things he wants me to do for him. He’s refusing to pay child support. He’s refusing to do anything for them. I’m a big-hearted person, and I really want him to be part of their lives cause they need their dad. They cry to see him, and he refuses or makes up an excuse as to why he can’t see them. It breaks my heart more than anyone knows to see my boys get rejected because of me not wanting to be with him. I don’t know what else to do. I’m tired of begging him to be a father. I just want to cut him loose so bad, but I can’t do that to my boys. I really need some advice on this… I’m really lost with this and don’t know what else to do…

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You’re not a bad mom at all, because he needs to put in effort to see y’all son if he’s not than that’s his own fault and he needs to deal with that

You cant force him to be a dad. Theyre probably better off.

Quit trying. It’s not your job to make him parent. Your boys dont need someone who doesnt even want them. They will cry for him for awhile but eventually they will see him for who he truly is and that’s not your fault. You tried and now it’s his turn. Let it go and I promise you will be a happier person and your kids will be too.

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Honestly there is nothing you can do to make him step up. It does hurt to your kids but at the end of the day as a father he has to do his part. Other than seeing the kids there really is no other reason to communicate with him.

You can’t force someone to want to hang / be with their children .stop calling ,asking begging .if you need or want the child support than go to court …it her than that let him be …when the kids get older they will see for themselves what kind of a man he is ,and please if he says he is coming to see the kids don’t tell them this way you don’t have to make up a reason why he never showed .if they ask why they never see him tell the truth" you don’t know"

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Just be there for ur kids hun u can’t force him to man up stay strong mama xx

I have been in the same exact situation, except I only have one little girl. I eventually got tired of it, I don’t ask him for anything anymore and I don’t push her to talk to him either. It is very sad specially because my daughter loves him so much but he don’t even look for her. I was lucky enough to find someone who loves her and is a father figure.
My advice would be to find as many resources and surround yourself with helpful positive people. Make your life easier without him. Is hard but is harder to rely on someone who fails you and the kids everytime and is doing nothing to help his kids.
Is easier to hurt one time by pretending he don’t exist than to keep hurting because he keeps failing as a parent.

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The boys being rejected I’m sure hurts more then them not seeing him at all. Sometimes not having someone in our life is way better then constantly being emtionally abused by them.

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Document everything, trust me document dates and times you contact him, or he contacts you document when he sees the boys. Make sure there is a parenting plan in place and request that child support goes through the state, that way it comes out of his pay before he sees it. As far as the boys missing their father if you have brothers, uncles, cousins or even your father spend time with them for guy time it helps. My ex refused contact for 3 years blamed it on me, I wish I had documented everything.

Make him pay through tje courts…

There r way to many real men who would love to b daddy for ur son remember that u don’t need him

You’re just hurting your kids in the long run. They are not a revolving door for him to come and go or be there when he wants.

Stop being the one to do everything, if he doesn’t want to put in the effort then that is his problem. I also recommend recording everything, have a notebook with times and dates with notes about contact of any sort, this will eventually help you with court.

I learned just to remind your kids your there for them and you can’t make their father be a dad I went through this situation, it killed me to the point I cried until I couldn’t breathe but I had to stay strong. Nothing no one said made the pain of losing there father any easier that’s including me hurting because he didn’t want to see the kids and hurting because he couldn’t put effort and for disrespecting me. Just breathe momma you got this !

Anita Carson sounds familiar :woozy_face::joy:

I spent 13 years trying to get my ex to be a father to our son. He never made him a priority and now that my son is 15 he sees it for himself. It’s not worth the heartache. Cut ties and move on, my husband is the best father my son could possibly have.

They’re better off without him than they are with him in and out of their lives. If he wants to be there let him do the work and put in the effort, otherwise stop trying. Im sure it’s heartbreaking to hear them cry for him, but it sounds like you care for them very much and that means so much more than having a dead beat father. Good luck hun.

Its worse to have a “father” in and out of childrens lives rather then stay gone. Start documentation of everything and file for sole custody of children and child support.

You cannot force him to be part of their lives that’s his loss but you can file for child support which they are entitled too !!!