How should I handle this situation with my ex?

Excuse the long post, but idk where else to ask for advice bc I feel like my family is too involved and that is who I wish I could vent to. I’m 28 years old with 2 small kids from an 8 year long on/off relationship- we both suffer from alcoholism and I’ve rock bottomed last year in September. I thought my ex was trying to help when he offered to care for our kids (he said he was sober) when I lost my job and couldn’t stop drinking. I felt it was best for my kids, so I agreed. Well, since December I’ve gotten my shxt together and have held a steady job since January and have gotten a new place, a new car, and am stable. My ex got fired from his job, is still drinking, has been between 2 girls this entire past year while frowning upon my year long relationship, but is now refusing to give my kids back to me and likes to dictate when and where I can see them. I’m frustrated bc hes been nothing but horrible since hes had them with him and hes very controlling and possessive- forever making sure that its known my kids are “in his care” although there’s no legal agreements or anything. I want to take them and not give them back when I go get them next week. I dont see any other way to get them back bc he will never come to the conclusion that it’s the best thing for them. They belong with me, their mom. I am guaranteed a job anywhere bc I’m in healthcare, I care about their well-being (he hasn’t taken them to doc appts or any of the important things that come with caring for them) and he is so petty he wont let me add them to my excellent health insurance. He even claimed them on his taxes when I had them all year and I made sure the IRS knew that. Idk what to do anymore. I’m lost and sad, especially bc I dont see this ending well no matter how much i want it to. Has anyone been in this position? Did you take your kids and keep them until court proceedings and written agreements were made? I wanted to be able to work things out like adults outside of a court room and without other people being involved, but my ex is being stubborn and I’m beginning to think it’s just a power trip for him.

17 Likes

I would simply keep them on ur wkend and not give them bsck with no court agreement u have more rights to those kids then he does.

7 Likes

I would take them and keep them. File for emergency custody with court and prove he has issues. Then try to work out visitation with him

7 Likes

I would take them and keep them. Since you and your ex never had an agreement on paper then possession is nine tenths of the law. Make him fight you for the kids and document everything. Add them to your insurance ASAP. It looks better.

7 Likes

One word…LAWYER & get one now. Prove you are clean, let him prove he is clean or not, let the judge decide. But until that moment, you did give them to him, which was the right thing at the time, but now get yourself a lawyer & fight to get those kids back

8 Likes

The next time you get them, don’t give them back and file for emergency custody…and most importantly GET A LAWYER!

7 Likes

Go file for temporary custody when you get them. Tell them everything you know is happening, drinking no job doesn’t take them to doctors ect… try and show as much proof as possible. Save text messages, show he doesn’t let you have them when you should be able to. If there is no court order then you have every right to take your kids and keep them. Also try and find a lawyer.

3 Likes

Since there is no order in place take the kids for your weekend and keep them. You don’t have to give them back. Then go file paperwork for custody.

1 Like

Find a lawyer take the kids and file for emergency custody

2 Likes

I would keep them on your weekend. Monday morning go to the court house and file for temporary physical custody of your children. You should be given paper work for you to have physical custody until the court date for actual custody. You should not need an attorney to do that. These temporary physical custody papers mean they legally live with you until the custody court date so he can not take them to live with him and not give them back. If he does you can call police as long as you have those temporary custody papers to show them. They will give the kids back to you. While you what for your court date decide if you want to fight for full physical custody of the kids meaning they live with you all the time and visit him. Or if you want 50/50 meaning split time living in your home then his and back again. Then gather things that prove you are better and can provide for the kids if there is any proof the daddy has mistreated the kids add it to your stuff to show the judge why you should have custody. Most judges these days are opting for 50/50 shared physical custody. The kids live so many days with mom and so many with dad. Best luck to you and the kids

3 Likes

You want to look your 100% best in court and show you are trying to communicate with your kids father to work our a schedule you both agree with. As their father he is entitled to half custody and visitation depending on his living situation. The kids being passed around back and fourth is confusing for them, so to completely push out the father because of your fear of him taking them will come back to bite you in court. Prepare to explain your past issues and how you have made positive changes to create a stable environment for your children . Good luck

1 Like

Start court filing and then keep them next visit until the hearing

1 Like

Get a lawyer!..like yesterday. He should be able to walk you through what you need to do

1 Like

Listen to these people and KEEP YOUR KIDS next time you get them!! Lawyer up and file for temporary custody and do it now! Obviously don’t warn him he might not let you see them at all if he knows you plan on doing this

2 Likes

Get a lawyer and custody agreement.

2 Likes

I would keep them when you get them next but in all honesty, remember their feelings. They may be tiny people but tiny people have big emotions and being uprooted from the place they have been for the past year is going to affect them. We’ll done on getting your shit together too just make sure you stay on track & that the kiddies never have to be passed back and forth again. Good luck x

You do not need a lawyer. When you pick up the children go to court house and file temporary custody. If children are with you. They will give temporary custody to you. Then you may need an attorney when you go to court. Document everything.

1 Like

Do not threaten him or say a word about going for temp custody. Just do it! He will find out if he doesn’t return the children to you. As long as you have temp custody by the courts the police can intervene on your behalf. Without paperwork no leg to stand on

1 Like

Keep them till your court date once it is on court papers share them with their father.

Document everything, get you a lawyer have him ready to temporary custody…play the game with the ex, get you kids, head to the courthouse, document everything,