How should I handle this situation with my family member?

I have an issue with a family member’s parent being upset with me because my kid and their kid try to make plans to stay the night together without asking me first. So when I do finally get asked last-minute, normally something else has come up, and she can’t go because I’ve made other plans OR my kid changes her mind and decides she wants to go somewhere else. This parent seems to think that I am not allowing my kid to go spend the night, and that’s not the case, but she hasn’t come to me directly about this, but what would you do? Do you force your kid to go somewhere that they don’t want to be because they already told them they would even though they didn’t have an answer on whether they could go or not?

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I would never force my kid to sleep anywhere they didn’t want to sleep especially in the world that we live in now.

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I would have everyone sit down and discuss the situation this way the adults know exactly what is happening and how to fix it. Maybe make sleep over plans twice a month or something. It will help keep you all on the same page without drama and hostility.

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Tell the family member that plans will only be made between the adults.

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I’ve been on the opposite end of this by my sister in law except she actually didn’t want anything to do with me and just played it off with politeness. So I can sympathize with your family members feeling. If you truly don’t know, go to them and talk about it. Explain and say “hey I really didn’t know about these plans and maybe we can get our girls together a different day” or if your child changes her mind, no you shouldn’t send her somewhere she doesn’t want to go but you can be the one to host the sleepover.

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Nope no forcing.
Kids are allowed to change their minds.
My girls are not allowed to do sleep overs unless its here with me anyway.

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You talk to the other parent.

If you agreed and all parties id tell my son its impolite to flake out and can hurt the other kids feelings. And if he did it again he would go next time or keep his butt home. Its wrong to flake out and sets tone for school sports work etc

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I would tell the family member that all plans must run by you first and as rule you need 48 hrs notice (give a time frame)…l would also be encouraging your daughter that if she promises something to another that she sometimes has to honour her word and not change her mind because a better option comes up. If she doesnt want to sleepover with her period thats fine, but dont allow mind games or manipulation to happen, the other child might have other issues you might not be aware.of.

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Sounds like their following up because their kiddo wants to hang out?! Just me.

No you shouldn’t force her but you should also talk to her about how its not nice to make plans with no intention on following through or not wanting to go if something better comes up as it kinda sounds like is happening as you stated she has canceled with them before to go somewhere else that isnt nice. Also you should directed her to response with i need to ask my mom first if shes agreeing to plans without your knowledge anyways.

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Next time tell them upfront I need advance notice anything last minute will be no

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I wouldn’t make my kid go. But I’d be making it very clear that they dont get to make plans without my ok amd they do not cancel plans because something else(better in their eyes) comes up either. They either go to the preplanned sleep over (that you’ve agreed to prior) or they stay home.

I’d probably be offended if someone kept making and breaking plans as well. Your kid might be off foing fun stuff but hers is at home alone amd probably feeling really upset

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My kids are 17 and 14 and have never done a sleepover except to their dad’s. People are crazy and during these times, it is hard to figure out if they’re truly a friend or foe. Look at how many kids have been invited to a sleepover only to be tortured and beaten and killed because of a spat with a different friend. NOPE, I refuse to bury my kid because of BS. So, people automatically know NOT to even ask me :woman_shrugging: Good luck with that

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Tell your kid to stop offering to stay or accepting invites without asking permission first. This is a perfect example of a learning lesson for your child.

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Sorry!! I wouldn’t care anybody’s opinion… that’s your baby. You can do whatever you want. You know what’s best and her schedule lol.

Never force your child to go to a sleepover.

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Your plans aren’t their business. Maybe one day it will work out. I wouldn’t worry about what you’re hearing second hand. And things like this should be spoken about between the adults in the end anyway, not a he said she said conversation.

If she hasn’t come to you directly, just leave it be. At least I would.

I would never make my child go somewhere she doesn’t want to. Always trust a child’s intuition. Too much bad in the world…

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