My in-laws show no interest in my kiddos; mother in-law is kind of cold-hearted to my daughter, problems with them since being closer. I am just unsure how to handle it or just let go altogether. Here is a little back story: So my husband and I moved closer to be near family, at first everything seemed to be going great, everyone was getting along, and all of a sudden, BOOM! There were instant problems, arguing, and a lot of finger-pointing. It seemed like if my husband and I would have a disagreement, they were so quick to tell me to leave him, or maybe we should separate from each other. It literally would not be that big of a disagreement/argument. They were so quick to jump into our business when we would step away from everyone to talk things through, I didn’t understand why, but the moment I would do that to them, I was told to mind my own business. I wasn’t allowed to let them know about what their kids were doing wrong, but consistently kept coming to me about my child, what my child is doing wrong, and I told them, I don’t care to hear it anymore; it seem like you only come to me to see my child get into trouble, but no one is allowed to say a thing about your kids. Guys, I am just tired of it. From telling me to leave my husband, which makes no sense to me, they tried painting this horrible picture of my husband to me, which they haven’t seen in years, and I mean years; I told them he never treated me the way you speak of him. Yes, we argue, like ANYONE else in the world, but he is protective of me and our kiddos, and we bounce back quickly from any disagreement we may have. Why would they tell me to leave him? They treat him like the black sheep. But want to have their hands out for things. With my daughter, the mother-in-law is so mean, my daughter would say hi, and her grandmother would just walk right past her and go to another grandchild that she knows their whole life, and baby that grandchild right in front of my daughter, she wouldn’t say hardly two words to my daughter, day in and day out. She is a little girl; she asked me why her grandmother don’t like her. at first, I thought it was just me, and over thinking, so I started paying attention more, my daughter would try to talk with her, but she would just ignore her. The in-law told me that my daughter is bad and need to be better disciplined. she no different from any other child. I didn’t know there are perfect children, and I can assure you, it typically kid behavior. My daughter is one the softest hearted little girl you’ll meet; she has bad days just like us adults. But, withholding love from her because of a bad day is not okay. She withholds love from my daughter, and it breaks my heart.
Umm sounds like you, your kids and your husband need to stay away from these ppl. Happiness should be a priority to your home and family life. Anything that disrupts that MUST GO!
Stop seeing them.
Eliminate toxic people from your life and your daughters life. You’ll be protecting her and if they complain flat out tell them they did it to themselves and if they are willing to set down, talk and move past the issues then they can see your daughter again, if not well too bad their loss.
My kids have and will have no idea who their dads eldest sister is and majority of her kids. They cause so much drama. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen her and probably closer to 2 years since my son has seen her and hes about to turn 3 next week. I wish I had the same power for my bonus daughter but unfortunately I don’t. Ive been lucky enough to have my fiance back me up on this decision as he felt it was best for him too. Currently pregnant with our second and he’ll never meet her. If were invited to events I ask whos going to be there. Obviously if shes not going to be there we go and if she shows up we leave. Your life will be so much better without them. Family isnt always family.
Stay away from them. Stop giving them things cut the communication off. Tell you’re husband what has been happening and tell him you are done he can see his family if he wants but you and your kids are done. They don’t need that of toxic relationship in their lives from their so called grand mother. My family and I had to step aside from my husband grandparents because our daughter didn’t fit in their to what they see as a perfect family. My daughter is autistic and no one in the family has any thing but her so his grandparents would say crap about her to other family members not really caring if it gets back to us or not. So we stop going to family functions. We tried to confront them about it and all they would do is shirt it off like nothing and continue to still do it
Protect your children at all costs…they don’t deserve to have their hearts broken by people who are supposed to support them and love them.
Move or cut them out of your lives,before your kiddo is messed up
Same situation. My parents are thousands miles away, and they cry at the phone everyday seeing our lo. My mil is 15 mins away and she hasn’t seen her in the last maybe 2-3 months. Everything she does its like she’s trying to interfere since we got engaged. Now it’s even harder with the virus and a 9mo… My husband has been actually out the country so I had to deal with a baby, 2 dogs, shopping, cleaning and the rest by myself, which wasn’t a problem but not even once offered to not even take her, but at least come over and hold her for 15 minutes so I can deal with everything. We decided we will move on my parents land as soon as we can as there’s where we feel loved, appreciated and helped by all means, all of us. It is hard, and trust me, I know. I gave birth at 30 weeks and borders were closed and here, all I have is my husband. My family could not travel due to the virus. Mom has seen our lo when she was 4mo and dad when she was 5. Mom had to travel by buss for about 72 hours each way. Had our lo in nicu for a month, and it was just me and my husband. But we’re fine and happy. Build your happiness with what you already have and love, the ones that love and appreciate you back
I have learnt that just because you are blood means absolutely nothing. No one should have to go through toxic relationships. The idea that blood really matters has given too many people emotional damage. People are now willing to say you’re my family but you are not good for me and breaking away for their survival. I believe that family is who you choose to enrich your life. That can be a mix of blood and people who you choose to be your family. We are on the planet too long to have people around us who show we are meaningless to them, try to surround yourself with people who acknowledge that you are meaningful in their lives.
I would stop seeing them!! Make some friends and focus on your little family. If your daughter is noticing that, it’s damaging her. From my personal experience having gone through this myself, it’s very damaging and toxic and it hurts us really bad.
Fan, after reading this I have tears in my eyes for that beautiful little angel. Personally, I would step back from the in-laws. If they are so toxic they want your marriage to end over a little tiff, you don’t need them. Keep your child and husband happy and forget his family.
I’m a grandparent of three, two boys and 1 girl. I try my best to have a great relationship with them. I know how important it is for kids to have grandparents in their life. I can’t understand why grandparents choose one over the other. It is wrong and the children don’t deserve it. The advice I would give is to sit down as a last ditch effort and talk. It probably won’t change anything, but put it all on the line and see what happens. Then you can tell your daughter when she ask later in life is that we tried. If the MIL doesn’t see where she is wrong go your separate ways. Grandparents are very important but this person is in no way a grandparent in my eyes. She is just someone who hasn’t grown up yet.
I agree protect youre children at all costs some in laws r bitter n vile ,my in laws pass my children in our local village n don’t even speak to them im glad my little ones dont understand who they are tbh… its there loss!
Tell them to F off. Your child doesn’t need anyone in her life like that and nor do you and your husband. It’s OK to cut off toxic family members.
Move away again. If you can’t, don’t acknowledge them. My mil couldn’t handle how horrible her son was to me and his children and he needed help. Once he got the help we’ve been cool, but she refuses to talk to either of us, and has forgotten birthdays and apparently where we live. But it’s okay cause my husbands dads side makes up for all that with love and attention.
Cut them off, get away from them ASAP! It’s that simple. I had to get away from both of my latest husband’s family for different reason’s.
sounds like your husband’s family doesn’t like you. I would just stay away. Why submit your child to that kind of negativity. She is your number one priority. Too bad you moved closer.
I think it is time to move away. Don’t need that kind of life and your daughter does not need that kind of “family”
You need to cut these toxic people from you and your families life, they are not the kind of people you want your children growing up around because they will undermine anything and everything they do or achieve and make your poor children start to doubt themselves and their value to their family, it will cause major insecurity in them and cause you and your husband endless stress and frustration
never understood why people are like that ? sounds like his mama is have a hard time letting go of her son. i would stay away from her as much as you can, tell your daughter that she is an old and sick person !!