How should I have handled my childs outbursts?

If you asked your child to clean their room, they did so by literally throwing their toys on the shelf like overhand baseball throw, growling and pissy, then you said that isn’t how we clean, and they whacked you with a Superman cape, then you said no tv for the night, then they said I don’t like you, and I think you are stinky, so you sent them to their room, and they said they didn’t care the house is boring anyway, then you said you could stay in here until you apologize, then they came out 10 minutes later with a half-assed sorry, how would you proceed? Age 4 for reference.


I would have an age appropriate conversation so they understand why you asked for an apology. They need to understand why their behavior isn’t acceptable. I would definitely keep to the no TV for the night, so they know you’ll follow through-that’s really important. And my kiddo would be cleaning his room, no matter how many meltdowns and no matter how long it takes. Stick to your guns. Also, if your kiddo tells you they don’t like you, chances are you’re doing something right. Just ignore it. My son is 13, and the number of times I’ve been told I’m ruining his life and he hates me is crazy. But I’m his parent, not his friend, and it’s my job to teach him acceptable behavior. He gets over it awfully fast.


My 8 yo would be grounded for the rest of the day. 4 thooo im not sure mine is 3 and if i yell at him he says i dont love him lol when hes in trouble time out wise i do let him come out when he calms hos butt down. And he knows now and comes out saying im done and im sorry without me prompting him.

1 Like

Sounds like an early bedtime. As you are tucking them in, let them know that their behavior was unacceptable and explain to them what and why it was wrong. Don’t be harsh and remain calm and soothing. Tell them that you still love them and tell them that even though you had a bad day today, tomorrow is another new day and you can begin again tomorrow fresh and new. That’s what in used to do with my 3 when we had a trying day.


I was raised different, my mama popped me. I cried and straightened up… but in today’s world. That’s child abuse.


10 minutes is to long of time out for a 4 year old.
I would except his apology . Then ask him what made him act like that . Except his answer . Let him know how you would handle it next time . Give him a hug . :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


Clean with them. Maybe they’re overwhelmed by the task.


Age 4 is a little young to clean the room by themselves, if you expect no attitude and a job well done. If you make a game out of it such as challenging them to beat a timer, or have them hand you the item you put it on the shelf, if you make it fun they won’t throw a fit. The hateful words are just them expressing anger, for having to do something they don’t want, let them know that kind of talk is not acceptable, that you know they are mad at you and they should just tell you that they are mad instead of using hurtful words.

1 Like

Literally just had a convo in a different Group about this kids at that age have no idea how to express them self’s or handle their emotions get books on how to use your words talk with him let him know what he did isnt ok help him identify his emotions start your sentence with i feel…because…when you… show him Daniel tiger he has a episode on this help him sort his feelings so it happenes less

1 Like

Ask him to clean his room. He’s 4 so help him. Once additude starts walk out grab trash bags, go back & start cleaning his room. Throw the trash bags somewhere he can’t see them. Do this every time the room is messy. Once he can keep it clean or has no toys to clean up he can earn bags back 1 by 1. The key is not to interact with him while cleaning. Don’t show emotions or react to what he says or does. Just quietly pick up his toys as if he’s not there. He’ll be confused. Later explain to him that since he refused to clean his room you did & how he will earn them back. Be consistent.


I’d whoop that ass especially for him hitting you with something, and definitely for the attitude

I think so far you handled it well. However, following the apology with attitude id say go back tobyour room come back when its actually clean and youbhave a real apology… after that when tempers have simmered you meed to have a long honest heartfelt talk about respect and what an apology truly means.

1 Like

When my 4 almost 5yo throws a fit about cleaning I say “what do we do when we’re done playing?” Clean up! She says it she knows it. It kind of resets her attitude. I also like to say “it’s ok to be upset but we still have to follow the rules” asking if they need a hug helps too. If she’s really having a go about it she sits in her room for 4 minutes and goes and tries again. Even still? Then it’s an early bedtime and grounded the next day from shows or video games

Next time, if they start tantrum. Take a deep breath, sit on the bed. Ask them to come here. Look at them straight in the eyes, and say I will help you this time, but if you start throwing things, I will bag them up and give the toys away to other children that will want to take care of and play with. So let’s do this together so we can… Fill in the blank on a small reward…most little ones want attention, so play a game ir watch a program. Whatever their thing is. Guarantee first time will be tested and you will use that bag. After first item or 2 goes in they will stop, if not continue bagging. Each time ask are you ready to help? When done reward if helped, but bag items take away, don’t have to really give away hide bag. You can use it for rewarding later. If he didn’t help, stays in his room. For time out, let him know why, he gets 4 mins. By himself, you will go in when time is up. When you release, let him out, hug, kiss love you. Mother of 6, youngest right now is 3. It may take more than once. But they learn quick when they throw the wrong toy and it’s now gone. Even my 3 year old knows where everything goes.

I would tell my son that I understand he’s frustrated but he still needs to do as told and to try again, he will keep cleaning until he understands that the sooner he gets it done the right way the faster he can get back to what he wants. He can express his big feelings all he wants or needs but eventually he will realize its easier to do it right the first time

Everything is so overwhelming at that age. I had to back up from “clean your toys up” to “just pick up 2 things”. They have two hands and their little world understands that. When they come back, congratulate them, ask them to pick up 2 more… And so on.

By punishing him with every outburst, you’re only making him want to retaliate and his behavior worse. Don’t give into his attitude or being mean, by any means, but by saying that he loses anything or must be punished for his actions will only make his already angry attitude worse.

Next time he wants to start an attitude try to calmly get through it. You can either try to talk him through, “Hey, why are you being angry/mean?” - You can help him piece by piece to tackle the job at hand, walk away while he does the task if he starts getting angry towards you (sometimes giving them a moment can help de–escalate a situation), or start small; When in a good mood remind that if he can’t complete the task he may not get time with something he likes (or the flip side- can earn something).

When he is in an outburst that can’t be worked through (had tons of those myself) then place him in an area with no stimulation where he can safely express himself and cool off. Bedroom for example. Give him a few minutes or however long necessary, then go in and assess the situation. Try giving affection and then talk in through gently and slowly if needed. Hugs always calmed my girl down after expressing herself. Good luck.

I would seat our child down and tell our child that we dont act like that about the cleaning and take the tv away for 2 weeks sense its so boring and make them stay in the room with nothing till they apologized. We’d laugh about the stinky part an not liking us part and We’d tell them there not suppose to like us. however my husband said if they wasnt growling and showing out and thew stuff where it belonged than he would count that as a kid cleaning as long as they wasnt showing out an said atleast it would be cleaned,but if they was showing out than We’d seat them in there room an tell them they can’t act like that and tell them sense its so boring they can stay in there room till they apologize and ground them away from the tv for two weeks,and if that didn’t work than we’d put them in time out till they apologized,and after that if that didn’t work than they’d get a small pop on the butt or swatted on the hand for acting that way but We’d do every alternative as spanking is a absolute last resort for us,but if they wasnt showing out an cleaned that way than it would be fine an We’d laugh about the stinky part an not liking us as they’re only supposed to love us and not like us and my husband also agrees with this.


Ass whoopin🙁…& I didn’t say abuse bc there IS a difference