How should we handle my step daughters bad behavior?

My stepdaughter is 9, who lives half time with her grandma and half time with her father and me really wants to play basketball… we already have her in extracurricular activities such as dance, and take care of clarinet lessons. We have been fighting for custody for a while now, and she goes back and tells her grandmother severe lies about us and says that she hates us and hates coming to our house. She is very disrespectful to her other siblings and us. Her father and I are at a loss, we try to make things enjoyable for her, but we don’t think we should bend over backward to give her what she wants after acting disrespectful and telling lies. Is it wrong to not allow basketball because of this behavior? Her grandmother refuses to pay or take her to these activities, which kind of makes us feel guilty. I’m not really about taking away activities like that for behavior, but we are at a severe loss of how to handle her actions.

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Dont let her play. Stand your ground.

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I don’t know. Basketball might teach her some discipline

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I’d be saying to her . No extra stuff sorry . Unless you drop something you already do and treat the people paying with more respect then no. Don’t worry about saying no x

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Dont let her play. Good behavior brings rewards, like playing a sport she wants to play. Bad behavior shouldnt be rewarded. If you can behave badly but still be rewarded as if you were behaving well, what’s the point of behaving well?

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Shes playing you off against each other , stand your ground and tell her if her behaviour dosent change then she can count basketball out, I’d even take the dance lessons out

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get some counseling and see what her issue really is

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Nope don’t give in to bad behavior she needs to learn respect n consideration for you n her dad doing more than enough for her basic living needs?

I would say you’re allowing this to continue as you pay for two kinds of activities as it is, and still allow her disrespectful behavior. If she wants to do something else, she needs to show some serious change happening, amd let her know that if the bad behavior keeps up, she’d be quitting ALL activities until she straightens her little butt up. 🤷 And I have a ‘difficult’ child of my own, who has completely turned around after a few good years of solid consistency. STOP giving in to her when she acts like a brat, and I bet you’ll see big changes.

You can’t. Your husband has to put her in check, but that doesn’t not mean you have to put up with it either.

She’s playing both sides and trying to get her way at both houses using negativity. Don’t reward the behavior or it will show her that she gets what she wants no matter the level of disrespect. Same rules would apply to the other siblings as far as extracurricular activities being the goal or motivation for good behavior.

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You as a family need counseling. She needs individual sessions as well as strict discipline guidelines!! It is hard to establish your place in a family structure when you are only there parttime! Sounds like she has been allowed to play both sides against each other before!

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Where is her birth mother? Why is she not involved? That would explain how she’s developed this way.

A three way conversation with you, her, and grandma. She is old enough to be put on the spot and consequences

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If she don’t appreciate what you do for her now , doing more isn’t going yo make her better! She needs discipline ! She’s manipulating you!!!

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Let her play basketball. She already hates you. Keeping her at home won’t make her a better person but it will keep her hating you for sure.

As harsh as it may sound. It’s a bonus to play. She needs to understand she is not allowed to lie and be disrespectful. She can’t do that on a team.
If she gains control of her behaviour then maybe the next round. But this one nope.
Make a goal chart for her. Start no lies and she gets something she likes. Praise her being respectful and have a standard punishment for lies and disrespect.
Tell her you are aware of the lies she is saying and won’t reward her for them.
You can tell her her grandma tells you.

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Stop all things extra curricular that you pay for. Don’t do basketball. She’s gonna learn respect one way or another… I’d sit down with her and explain why ur stopping it all and what she can do to earn stuff.

if you give in right now it will only get worse. She is only a child and should never allow her to take control of your marriage and your family. I also have this motto, I dont and will never reward bad behavior. I will never tolerate and enable it.

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You, dad, grandma, and her need to have a sit down and discuss her behavior in front of her!! She’s playing all of you!! Doing it this way shows her that you all know what she’s doing and that it needs to stop!! During this sit down let her know in front of grandma that she will not be doing basketball due to her nasty attitude!!

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