How should we handle my step-sons behavior?

My stepson is 12 years old. He’s a great kid, but struggles with ADHD, add, and oppositional defiance disorder. He is in counseling. He is currently homeschooled because he would get in trouble at school a lot. He refuses to do his schoolwork and is weeks behind on his work. We’ve taken his video games and tv which aggravates him, but he still won’t do his work. He says the school is “stupid af” and pointless, and we can not get him to do it. On top of the school struggles, anytime we go to the store, he wants us to spend money on random things he doesn’t need, and we always tell him that we will not reward him for not doing his work. So he will yell and occasionally throw things in the store when he is told no. Anytime I ask him to do school work or household chores, he says no, and I can’t get him to do them without my husband forcing him. It’s just incredibly aggravating because he can be such a wonderful fun kid to be around, but when it comes to any responsibility that he HAS to do, he becomes so unhinged. He screams, kicks walls, slams doors, throws things on the ground, and will just become extremely stubborn and say, “no, I’m gonna watch tv” and then runs into my room to watch tv. I’m at my wit’s end, and hoping someone has advice on children with ODD.

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I don’t have much advice but my son was the same way with odd and ADHD and he is 20 now and can still be quite a handful. I’ve tried everything under the sun. Nothing works. It’s very overwhelming! Hang in there.

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Have you explored having Autism ruled out. Some of his behavior including his current diagnoses may fit the criteria for the diagnosis.
Also, ensure he is engaged with the therapist. Maybe discuss a family session and meet all together

Some boot camp. Sounds harsh. You’re on the right track of not rewarding bad behavior. But he’s a teen and unfortunately his actions can become worse. Sounds like a good kid but you can hear he knows he can take advantage of you. If his problem is all behavioral issues sounds like a spoiled brat, and not an “at risk” teen from a bad or abusive home. I wouldn’t put up with it in my house. Tough love is better than giving up!

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Just something to look into? My son is only 7 and has been showing many of these and this was given to us by our ENT. His tonsils come out in two weeks. Then we are re-evaluating in a couple months.

Dont take him to the store anymore and take away all electronics, not just sometime but until he’s caught up. And dont allow him in your room. No exceptions.

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My 8yr old…great kid most time but fuck im getting so over whelmed. He only had 2 diagnose need 3 to b on autism spectrum…i have no advice…just i feel ya hopefully it gets better

Sounds like someone needs there ass beat. Dont take to the store anymore and keep him out of your room. I understand he has a 'disability ’ but u need to do some more harsh punishment

Boot camp I wish I would have listened when someone told me that. My son is now 17 and in prison. He was the exact same way. Could be very sweet and thoughtful most times.

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If he is going to your room to watch tv turn off the internet and take out any cable boxes for right now

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  1. his ass wouldn’t be going to any store or anywhere he can’t behave. Can’t behave? Stay home. 2) ha, electronics? Consider yourself amish, you ain’t got no electricity son. 3) ya hungry? You’ll do them dishes, or you ain’t gonna eat off them. You ain’t eating period. You want to eat provide me with a clean plate a fork, and a spoon, and a knife. If you can’t…. you are not having dinner in my house. 4) hard to watch tv when the cord has been cut off with my best scissors

is he on medication? I would maybe suggest that might help as it might calm him down and relax him enough to be able to do concentrate on his work etc

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If he’s not medicated, i think its time to look into medication. For my own son unmanaged ADHD contributes heavily to ODD symptoms because he lacks the impulse control to think things through.

Aside from that set up an economy reward system, make him earn his privileges.

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I have a child with ODD, but has multiple other issues including very low iq. So, there is no comparison. However, through much reading and research. There are many options for behavior modification through specialized programs or treatment centers.

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When i was kid they thought i had ODD, was even tested for it and all. I was diagnosed but my doctor told my mom is was just ASS disorder… Trying to push my parents buttons, not listen, test boundaries and just be a little ASS!! i do have adhd too but my dr suggested they just get tougher with punishments & dont let me walk all over them & after they put their foot down my attitude changed completely and no more ODD🤷 Just a thought!!

Depending on your location your local county should have services that include home visits from a worker and respite help for parents. He potentially could gain a great relationship with that person as an ally/support. I used to work as one for children ages 6-21 and it was a great service. My county had a “single point of contact” which was the person to call to get these types of services. Try looking into this as an option for more support and guidance added. The more the better

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I think maybe u should join him and also get into counseling… itll give u an outlet and better understanding on how HE feels and what HE is going through …its not peaches and cream for him either

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My son was originally diagnosed with this. He also has adhd and a sensory processing disorder, and social communication disorder. Aba therapy was thee best thing ever. That and after trying every natural thing possible we gave meds a try. Day and night. Sounds like he is doing exactly what he was diagnosed with. He needs professional help. Counseling isn’t enough. Keep trying momma and please don’t feel defeated :heart: I was in your shoes. Typically a child with ODD, taking away things won’t even budge their behavior. Remember they literally can not control it on their own. Different therapy’s. Show him lots and lots of patience and love. If he wasn’t diagnosed with odd my advice would be completely different. Try to get him aba therapy. Even a child his age could benefit… process of elimination. Good luck!

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You need to speak to the counselor and/or an ODD specialist in order to figure out what is best for him. Not Facebook. ODD is not usually lightly diagnosed.

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Sounds like its time to explore medication if you havent already.

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