How should we handle this situation with my husbands daughters?

So my husband has two daughters from a previous relationship. We have been together for seven years, married for 6, so it’s not like I’m new to his girls. Anyway, for the last seven years, bio mom has made it perfectly clear that I am not their mom, and they will never call me mom, which is fine because I am not their mom. Biomom got in a relationship about two years ago, and after about a month, she had the girls calling her boyfriend daddy. My husband has asked her not to just like she did us; keep in mind the girls just turned 8 and 9 in November. While every time he asks her about it, she tells him not to contact her or she will file harassment charges. I am at my wit’s end with her and all the drama all the time. What would your moms do? Yes, we have talked to the girls about it, but its almost like they are forced to.


Guess now the girls can call you mom :grin::heart:


You can’t stop them from calling they boyfriend dad. I would just tell them that they are free to call you what they feel comfortable with, no pressure on your end.


Don’t get in the middle. Allow the girls to call you what they want to. They know who their mom and dad are and they know their relationship with you. Don’t make kids have to choose sides or be part of adult issues.


Well when my bio dad had visitations of me and my brother he tried to force us to call him dad but we called him by his name instead because he had never been apart of our up until this point. My brother looked at him and told him that our real dad is at home with our mom.

Drop. It.

Annoying yes, but be the good parents when you have them thats ALL THAT MATTERS.

Not the games.
Not the drama.
Just their childhood matters.


Leave it alone. Nothing you can do.


They get to decide who they call what. If mom keeps it up, in 3-5 years they won’t be calling her at all. Dad has addressed it. That’s all he can do. Dad should encourage them to stand up for themselves and make their boundaries clear, not just with their mother, but with EVERYONE! It’s an insanely important lesson for them, especially being girls. Then tell them they are always free to call you whatever they feel comfortable calling you, and you wouldn’t judge them for calling you anything as long as it isn’t straight disrespectful. Then leave it at that.


Some battles are worth fighting for, this is NOT one of them.


Do not engage in that behavior. Time will paint the picture. You don’t have to. Just let it go. Those girls know who their dad is and they know their mom. Their mom doing things like that will push them away, but you retaliating will only hurt the kids. They will see what’s going on and will feel safe with you and their dad. Don’t stoop to that level or play that game.


Just let the girls know that their mum cant force them to call him daddy if they dont like it,


Let them be. Allow them to call you what they want. I have two sons and their bio mom WOULD NEVER allow them to call me mom, and makes sure they know that. It’s frustrating, but not worth the fight. I have also been with their dad since one was 1, and the other was born.

As the others above are saying, time will show. They will see who’s pushing them to do things. Our two boys have already started verbalizing they do not want to go home to mom. Encourage them to express their feelings about it. Being a step-parent is hard, especially with a difficult parent, but you’ll get through it. Head up, mama. You’re doing good job. :slight_smile:

I know it’s irritating but those girls obviously need someone safe in their life. Be there for them to vent to. I know it sucks but just be there. dont even contact her about this stuff. Just sit the girls down and talk to them and tell them y’all are always there to talk whenever they need it. Be their safe place and start making notes of everything they say in a notebook to help you deal with it in a journal form so you can be strong for them. Give them your ears. Just be there.


I was made to call my step dad , dad! That being said when I got older I stopped cause I made up my own mind. Imo, when my son was a little, he was told it was his choice and at first he didn’t… around 10 he just started calling him dad. Imo , the girls will make up their own mind in time. I wouldn’t be part of the problem, I would just be their peace. I would guess they hear enough from mom. If people keep pulling at them… they’ll just end up resenting both parties.


The girls will learn who was real and who was fake. Just keep calm and wait.


Pick your battles. Its not right but its not the end of the world either.

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Be their peace. It sounds like they need some. They will figure out eventually if they haven’t already, and they will set their own boundaries when they feel like they can. Good luck!

When I was with the ex I told his daughter she could call me whatever she wanted. I met her in October. My b day is December and she made me a fb post saying “love u mom” right after midnight I was thankful for peaceful coparenting with her mom. And tho I’m no longer with her dad I still have regular contact with her. Life goes on. Shes got a beautiful princess now and I have 2 kids and #3 on the way with my wonderful bf.

Let the girls pick what they call everyone. Combined families are hard enough, be patient with each other. Identify your hard boundaries and let the rest go. It causes more contention for the kids and none of this is their fault.

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Let it go - for your own sanity. Bio mom sounds like a piece of work. The girls are pawns in her mind. Keep loving them and their daddy. I’m sure it hurts him very much.