Unsure what my husband should do. We are married and have a blended family. He has two daughters with his ex, ages 11 and 10. I have two kids with my ex ages 11 and 9, and together, my husband and I have one daughter who is 4. I have 50/50 shared custody with my ex through court, my husband started 50/50 shared custody with his ex when we first moved in together which was about five years ago and it been 50/50 all these years, but it’s not by the court, it’s just a mutual agreement between both of them. So with the Covid 19 happening, the mother of the girls has kept them quarantined for three weeks now. I completely understand and agree with what she’s doing and why. She is also pregnant about to go into labor any day now, so we are worried about where the girls will be once their mother goes into labor. My husband spoke to the girls last night, and they said their mother would drop them off at their grandmother’s house. So this is where the issues come in. He hasn’t seen his daughters in 3 weeks; every time he says he wants to pick up the girls, she tells him no bc she doesn’t know to what or who we’ve been exposed to, which we’ve been home just how they’ve been home. She literally blocked him from any type of communication, so he cannot call her or text her to discuss what is happening with their daughters when she goes into labor and even when he’s tried she says that is her problem of when she does go into labor, and it doesn’t concern him. When he speaks to the girls on the phone, they put him on speaker, and they brush him off, you can hear the mom and her boyfriend in the background telling them to say things to him and yelling at them for not saying what they are told to say. He asks them if they want to come home, and they always respond with “I don’t know” like if they are afraid to speak up. At this point, we don’t know what the right thing to do anymore is. I totally get she is keeping them to protect them, but what difference would it make if they come here than going to their grandmother’s house? And the lack and immaturity when it comes to communication. I told my husband he needs to just let it be and act out with having it all through court so he can actually have a say bc the only one who makes decisions when it comes in regards to the girls is their mother and their bf, my husband has no say when it comes to the girls. I feel that they must be getting manipulated and brainwashed bc they are never so distanced from their father. We have a three-bedroom house, they have their own space here, their own privacy, and we encourage them to be independent and raise them with freedom. When they a,re at their mother’s house, she has a one-bedroom apt, and the girls sleep in a full-size bed in the living room. We’ve gone through hard times, and there was a point in our lives that we had to all live in a one-bedroom apt too, but we gave the kids the room, and we slept in the living room. I wasn’t working then, so we had to survive out of one income that was not stable enough. Their mother makes money; she makes about $65k a year alone, not including what the bf makes. I know this about her income bc she tried putting my husband on child support and bc they had a 50/50 agreement it backfired on her, and she would have needed to pay him child support, but he was nice enough to drop it and not proceed with it bc he is always trying to do the right thing and always be good no matter what she does. But it hurts me bc he is my husband and those are my stepdaughters, we miss them and just find it unfair how she is acting. It’s been so many years, and she has always been this hateful and revengeful person towards him.
Plain and simple, he needs to go to court and fight to get it in writing so she can’t continue to do this. Th
I would tell her she needs to let the kids come over or he’ll be taking her to court. If it’s 50/50 then he should still be seeing them. If she’s ok having them go to their grandmother’s, who is probably closer to the age more at risk from this virus… then they should be able to go to their dad’s.
She’s pregnant, full of emotions and quite frankly this virus is scary bringing a newborn in this situation. She might feel better with her mom because she trust her mom on a different level and knows for a fact she’s been home, I’m assuming?
This to shall pass.
Don’t think too deep into it. It’s just an all around stressful time to be pregnant let alone bringing a newborn in this situation. She’s not thinking clearly probably.
I have a newborn and I know I’m not. I’m really scared.
She HAS to follow the court order then. Those are still holding in place.
He needs to go to court. Thats all he can do. And itll protect everyone but especially his kids!
He needs to go to court is right. But what sucks is that no courts are gonna be open for a while , maybe try to speak to an officer and see if he can get emergency custody since he technically doesnt know whats going to happen when she goes into labor… after everything is said and done, there should be a court order for 50/50 custody
Nothing to do except take them to court.
not sure how to help you…we were dealing with this same thing even before the virus
Go to court. It’s bullshit that she will send them to their grandparents but not to their father’s.
Especially with 50/50 the other parent is almost always preferred over anyone else. The courts will definitely not side with her on this. If he cant get into court before the delivery go after and its very possible he will get major make up time at the very least. Also, after delivery may be better to go to court, because then shes actually DONE what shes said she would rather than he said she said before hand.
He needs to go to court. But the whole asking the girls questions knowing they are gonna get yelled at and feel uncomfortable, that has to stop. Don’t put them into a problem you are having with their mother.
Sounds like it’s time to seek out a legal custody agreement.
I think if there’s an agreement the police will step in and he can force her. If you don’t have a legal agreement then you have to go to court. Just make sure you document everything.
If there is currently any court ordered visitation and she has withheld then through the designated time then he can violate her. Otherwise there’s nothing to do but go to court.
I can see her choosing to leaving her kids with her mom instead of their father. Gma is 1 person, less germs to be around & take home to her newborn. You say you’ve just been home but that isn’t entirely true. Your kids share their time with their father. There’s extra potential that they can be around an infected person or carrier. Plus you have to remember they broke up for a reason. She may not trust your husband (her ex) for good reason you’re unaware of or don’t understand. She may not trust you. Sounds to me that she’s making the best decision for all 3 of her children under these scary circumstances. As far as blocking him maybe he’s been pressuring her to make choices she feels are unsafe & just doesn’t want to deal with it. This virus is a scary thing. Everyone needs to do what they feel is safest. You need to allow her to keep her children safe even if you don’t agree with it.
When it’s his time according to what the current order says (not their mutual agreement because courts cannot enforce that) he needs to go to get them like he normally would and if she wont let them go then call the cops so you have documentation. If he has his custody order then the police should enforce it.
If she is breaking their custody agreement than she can get into trouble. I find it to be a form of abuse what she is doing with the phone calls. I remember my mother doing that shit to us. It is not okay to do that at all.
Go to court ASAP and prove the standard that has been set it’s not ok to keep children from their father.
I mean if the are breaking quarantine anyway it should be to the dads. And he should be able to keep them for a month