How would everyone handle their Mother announcing your pregnancy to the entire family without your consent? Let me give you a little back story first. I just found out I am pregnant and I have not had a doctors appointment yet for an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay. I have had 2 miscarriages prior to this pregnancy so I am very nervous for this appointment and praying all is well. I told my mom about the pregnancy early on only because we had a death in the family and I was explaining why I would be sending flowers and a sympathy basket to the family instead of attending. Due to Covid and the funeral being 600 miles away and me not being able to see my doctor yet I felt it was best to stay home. My mom was of course thrilled about the pregnancy and I explained to her to please not tell anyone that I hadn’t seen a doctor yet and I was nervous about making sure the baby was okay. She is aware of my previous miscarriages and how I felt during those times. Now rewind back to while I was pregnant with my second born. I had told my mom I was pregnant first along with my dad and my husbands parents out of respect and asked them not to tell anyone else since we had a photo shot planned with my oldest ( he was 6 at the time) and he was really excited to announce to everyone he was going to be a big brother. My mother went to a family dinner in the meantime and told my family I was pregnant. It ruined the fun announcement we had planned for my extended family members and I was very upset she told since I asked her not to. It was my husband and my special news to share. I decided to put some space between us for a few weeks for me to calm down. When the time came around for us to talk again she never acknowledged she did anything wrong and never apologized. She said she “ didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone “ ,even though everyone got the same speech on how not to because the photos we had planned. I let it go and figured she just got excited and blurted it out. Now here we are in the same situation except this time I’m begging her not to tell anyone again because I’m scared for my appointment and if i was to have another miscarriage I really don’t want to relive it by telling each family member. I’m, in all honesty not that close with them and don’t feel comfortable having that conversation with especially during such a difficult time. Well, my Mother went to the funeral I mentioned above and announced to the entire funeral that we are pregnant. Without my consent of course and after I literally begged her not to say anything until I knew this baby is okay. I got a text from my cousins congratulating me. Not only am I upset she picked such a poor and distasteful time to announce it. But I’m also beyond hurt that she would disregard how I’m feeling. I’m also furious she would take the joy of announcing another pregnancy away from myself and our family. Especially when I had made it clear how upset I was the last time. I let her know I was extremely upset. Now so far (its been a few weeks) she has not reached out to apologize or even speak to me. She told my sister I’m just hormonal and I’ll call her when I’m over “ whatever it is I’m even mad about”. My cousins and sister think I’m being harsh by not wanting to speak to her. But I feel as though I have every right to be hurt and upset and I’m not sure how to even forgive her for this. Anyways, I would Love to hear some thoughts! How would you handle this situation?
I’d be pretty upset.
My mother did this and it made me angry. We specifically told all family NOT to tell anyone and it was obviously ignored. I made it clear that I was hurt and angry.
Tell her she no longer gets any information until everyone else. Clearly, she doesn’t respect you, so you owe her nothing. Don’t tell her anything else.
I would be just as mad and hurt as you. It’s not her news to share. It’s yours and your husbands. That’s it.
Don’t talk to her until she apologizes. Send her a text or message on FB and tell her exactly why you are hurt, and how she can make it right. Explain how you feel, and also explain that the last time she did this, she blew off how you felt, and if she does it again, she won’t be informed about anything about the pregnancy. This is what I would do. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your feelings are yours and no one should make you feel bad about it.
Hope everything goes smooth with this pregnancy! I wouldnt talk to her until the baby is born. Then make a big announcement about that and let her find out when everyone else does. If she shows her butt about it id simply say “shes being hormonal and she will get over it.” 🤷
she would be the last person to see the baby. and I’d be letting her know that
You have the right to feel the way you feel. I would be highly upset with her too you just can’t trust her anymore. Set your boundaries and move forward
Ur mother was completely in the wrong … I totally get why u are upset. How dare she talk about ur private life without ur consent. Dont let her get away with it this time.
And never trust her again.
If she can do that to u in that situation… after already disregarding ur wishes and trust and u telling her directly how u felt …
And she did it again…
she will never respect u enough to keep ur business to herself…
she obviously loves to be centre of attention and the gossip giver.
Very very selfish and disrespectful.
And obviously doesn’t respect u enough to keep her gob shut
I hope u keep well and safe and have a smooth uneventful pregnancy… Good luck and all the health in the world to you x take care x
I told my mom not to, she said okay, went down stairs and called my mammaw. They can’t help it, especially if she’s a first time grandma. It’s exciting for her as well.
Dont respond to anyone’s congrats, set some boundaries with your mom and stop telling her any sensitive information, announce the pregnancy as usual and act like it never happened. She wants a reaction, don’t give her one.
That’s a betrayal of trust. I would let her know she won’t be let in on anymore personal family information.
My mother in law posted a photo of my daughter just minutes old to Facebook before we even announced her birth!
My husband told her to take it down and wait.
Just be clear from now on with her exactly what your wishes are. And know that your feelings are valid.
How I see it is… anyone you tell there is a risk of them telling someone or everyone else. If you don’t want the news out, don’t share before you’re ready. Especially if she did it once before, you can be mad obviously, but she doesn’t seem like the type to keep things to herself.
Don’t care if it’s your mom she went behind your guys back again and is playing stupid I’d say no contact until she can be an adult and apologize. She took another chance for a big announcement.
Lord honey…I see both points of view
It’s not the first time she’s done it, she disregarded your feelings and medical history. There are very real reasons you don’t want to tell anyone and you begged her not to.
Don’t speak to her again until/if you feel ready to. Don’t give her any updates about your pregnancy and don’t share sensitive information with her in the future. She can find out what you tell other people, after you tell them. She’s shown she can’t be trusted with the information and doesn’t care about your feelings. She’s not providing any emotional support for you anyway.
My partners mum did this with our first. My partner was pretty gutted as he was excited to share the news with his side of the family. We let her know that it was wrong of her and we just took it as a lesson to not tell her anything that we didn’t want to be public knowledge
You shouldn’t have told her about this pregnancy after she ruined the last announcement. If this was my situation I would cut her out completely. That is extremely disrespectful and she’s done it twice. Just because she’s your mother doesn’t give her the right to disrespect you! I wouldn’t speak to her for a very long time and only if she makes a sincere apology and makes changes. But it would honestly be hard to ever trust her again. You don’t get to choose your family but that doesn’t mean they are entitled to a spot in your life when they continue to hurt you!
I didn’t tell my mother until I was ready to announce it. She can’t keep a secret to save her life. She usually finds out the day before I make it social media official