I am at my breaking point with my mother in law: Advice?

My fiancé and I have a son who everyone adores on both sides of the family; he is our first child (2 years old). I have always included my fiancé’s side of the family in every event involving our son (baby shower, ultrasounds, labor/delivery, birthdays, etc.) In the past, my fiancé’s mother would watch our son while we worked; things were beyond civil. The past few months, we have had issues with his mother. She has been getting severely jealous when my mother sees our son and began talking bad about her. This whole ordeal began when I told her she didn’t have to watch my son one day because I had other plans that day. She got upset and told us she was no longer watching our son. Therefore, I found other arrangements for my son while we are at work. She messages my fiancé is telling him we keep the baby from her, and she even showed up to his work making a scene about the matter. My future MIL then went on to message me, saying I’m controlling and that my fiancé and son deserve better. She has been very disrespectful to the point where she is not allowed at our house (my significant other and I both agreed on this). She was told this but showed up at our house anyway while I was at work demanding to see our son. I was told by her that she wants nothing to do with me, and now I am blocked. This is putting a huge strain on our relationship. I feel uncomfortable with my son being around her alone after everything that was said and done. If she sees me at a family function, she rolls her eyes and talks badly about me no matter who is around. I would like to get other people’s perspectives on the matter, I am at my breaking point.

75 Likes

Sounds like she struggles with mental illness. I definitely wouldn’t leave my child alone with her.

50 Likes

My husband, told his family, including his mother, that if they could not be civil and loving to me and my daughter, then there would be no contact. A peaceful four years passed before anything was done and order was restored. That said, he was cut out of her will and excluded from many family events. My advice is that your fiancé sack up and lay down the law with his momma, along with enforcing “punishments” for ill behavior. She will blame you anyway.

31 Likes

Fact of the matter is, if she treats you like shit and doesn’t support your marriage, then obviously she doesn’t care about your baby, so she doesn’t need to see your baby. I’m saying that because I grew up living that shit, my dads mom hated my mom, my mom and dad eventually got divorced, and I went through lots and lots and looooots of court as a kid. Way more then a young child should. I think your husband to be needs to have a talk with his mother.

Oh no…absolutely not. And husband is responsible to handle this. He has to set the boundaries. His mother needs therapy, but I would not be around her at all or allow my child period. She owes you an apology before ever considering seeing eachother again and I would calmly explain that to hubby. He probably need counseling too. I’m sure she was a joy as a mother. She needs help and needs to respect boundaries. It be a no for me. Hubby should be handling this. It’s his issue to address.

13 Likes

Don’t play into that shit. Either tell her to get it together or she can go on somewhere. Been there done that

Toxic is toxic! Lay hard firm boundaries now and if they can’t respect them then it’s time to love them from a distance.

23 Likes

She owes you an apology.
Both of you need to set boundaries and if she can’t respect these and you, then she will miss a lot.

10 Likes

Ain’t no grandparents rights unless you are incarcerated and you GIVE permission notorized btw even if you are in an accident and die unless it is previously stated and stupidly NOTORIZED they Ain’t none in nc anyway. Been thru this hell. Check your local surroundings police dss etc

3 Likes

If you’re looking to try and resolve the issue I would have a sit down with all three parties and talk it out to try and understand how y’all got here and how y’all can move forward. Try and figure out what the underlying issue is because from what I’m reading she just flipped a switch over a change of plans. If y’all can’t resolve the issue and she won’t stop speaking badly about you at family functions in front of the child I personally wouldn’t allow my child or myself to be in that environment.

11 Likes

They don’t just flip a switch. Make sure your hands are clean before throwing accusations.

11 Likes

First, save all these messages and document all of what she is doing. Just in case because it seems she is escalating quickly. Hopefully you never need it.
Second, you and hubby have to lay out solid boundaries and clear consequences. And be ready to enforce them.
Good luck.

13 Likes

She needs to grow up. If you allow this to go on, she will bad-mouth you to your kid and cause behaviors.

7 Likes

Sounds like my mother in law. I’m not sure what it is with grandparents thinking they have some claim on our children.

7 Likes

Get a restraining order to keep her away!

2 Likes

Sounds like a narcissist to me

5 Likes

my mil hated me. I took her 40 year old boy away from her. very mean with snide remarks, lies, just plain nasty to me. I took it for the 1st couple of years then just cut her out of my life. I was not going to allow her to demean me anymore. My husband supported my decision. He continued to visit his parents alone, then when they started in on him because of me he pretty much backed away also… sometimes it is just that way. Been with my husband for 21 years

4 Likes

To me as a mother if someone blocks me and mistreats me they aren’t seeing my child either. Not even a little bit sorry.

12 Likes

We walked away from awful stuff like this 5 years ago after dealing with it for 14. Never looked back and couldn’t be happier. We talk to the positive ones in the family but still hear about all the drama. Ya only get one life…

3 Likes

You’re not in the wrong here. Your husband ultimately needs to defend you if you absolutely have no fault in the discord. When he puts his foot down & explains why she isn’t being fair— maybe she’ll listen. If not, yalls hands are clean of it and you may have to separate yourselves from her altogether to have peace.

4 Likes