I am falling back into old habits: Advice?

So my x husband and I split 6.5 years ago due to being young and dumb not able to grow the way we should have. We were happy…the kind of happiness that you can’t believe is real and seems like it will never go away. I thought I was so lucky and hit the jackpot with him, but we got married really quickly and very young. We dated for maybe three weeks before we got married, he was 18, and I was 19, but I just knew he was mine forever. We had two children together…he got in his head and started being scared that he wasn’t a good dad or husband even though he was beyond amazing. He left me, and I was completely broken because he moved to a different state and stopped talking to the kids. A year later, I met someone and had two more kids with him. My older two children call him daddy because that’s really the only dad they have ever known. He stepped up and never looked back, even though we didn’t work out he is there for all four kids day in and day out no matter what they need. We live together but sleep separately and have our own lives. My older two know the truth about their biological father. My oldest was full of wonder and questions. My second didn’t care at all because he knows who his dad is. I reached out to my x husband who is actually still my husband (it’s a lot and complicated I know ) he had been trying to reach me, but I blocked him on everything and changed my number once the judge told me I had sole custody and he couldn’t have contact. He finally grew up and had been wanting to be there for them and wasn’t expecting to be called dad or anything just wanted to get to know the kids and bond with them still, my daughter wants that, but my son does not. He talks to her on the phone, video chats, texting, sends her letters, drawings, and video games for us to play with him as a family on the weekends. Well turns out we either still have old feelings or new feelings for each other…shocker. We talk all day and play games after I put the kids to bed until we have to go to bed to get ready for tomorrow. My daughter asked if we could go visit him, so I asked her dad how he felt, and He started slamming doors, yelling and was so angry that I would even consider it. I told him if it were the other way around, I’m pretty sure I would feel the same way but IDK. I understand why he is upset. He is scared and jealous of all of it, and I get it. He has been there since my oldest was 2.5 and my son was five months old. He is daddy and always will be, but it seems like the more our daughter talks to her bio dad, the more he is pushing her away to save himself. My questions are what I should do about his reaction and response to this very tricky and rocky situation? Should I take my daughter to visit someone she has only been talking to for almost two years? I could let him come here, but their dad doesn’t want him to know where we live and all that. Am I stupid for having feelings and falling back into old habits? I mean, I wanted to spend my life with him, and he has become my best friend again. Not having him to talk to kind of sucks and makes my day go by so slow I just don’t want to make a mistake.


If you are not serious about your marriage you simply need to get divorced.


Looks like you have gotten yourself into a sticky situation.For one, It was not right to reach out to your x while living with another man, jmo.He has a right to be upset, he stepped up when their own father didnt and NOW he wants to be a dad.And you want to go visit him,while living with this man no that’s not right either,I understand your daughter but he could come see her not yall go visit him.Now like I said.this is just my opinion and you probably won’t like it.

Well he is still your husband. Reconciliation may be hard and your new beau may end up hurt in the process. There’s a lot to consider but your happiness should definitely come first.

Take it from me, the kids are most important …top priority…if the man you are with treats two children that are not his…just like the other two that are his,he is a good guy…because you are now fantasising what life could have been like,but you have two other kids that will be effected… and if you fall prey into a fantasy relationship you will have 4 resentful kids…


When they talk of women being confused.

What if he leaves again, you would’ve destroyed your children’s stability for a fantasy, its good that the kids know about him but keep him at a distance and try to work on your current relationship that has provided you and your kids with love n stability of a family. You have to consider your younger kids, they don’t know about your other life it will just confuse them and hurt them in the process. Im certain yout partner feels betrayed and used in this whole thing


I think you are treading into deep waters that you shouldn’t. You guys were young and moved on from each other. It didn’t work out then and he ran off. I wouldn’t be too forgiving on that. He abandoned you and the children you both shared. You shouldn’t have developed a new found relationship being that you’re already in one. End it. Your daughter is old enough to talk to him on her own. As far as visitation… it’s your daughters right. She wants to see him and you and your current relationship have to find a middle ground without you seeing that man as well. Maybe everyone should be involved with that at first.

I think you need to think twice before you walk into the lion’s done. Make sure you’re not just in love with the memory at what things were like sometimes things don’t happen for a reason. You have stability right now for the children and another question I have is why does he want to come back now and be in their life you have a lot to think about and I hope it all works out for the best

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She is not in a current relationship guys. She said that one didn’t work out either but he is still there for all 4 kids.

U should deff put the kids first. If they want a relationship with him fine. That is there right. But you shouldn’t let him just waltz back into your life. Of course you are feeling things you never got closer he just up and left you. He would deff have to prove himself to me to have any room in my life 1st step would be with the kids.

I wouldn’t. If he wants to see her he can visit and stay in a hotel. If you are with someone else though you should be divorced that’s just wrong to do that for both guys.

I think you’re all missing the part where the poster and the new guy didn’t work out either, they just live together.

She needs to get her own place, with her kids, and figure her own stuff out. It is not up to new guy to decide her kids can’t meet their bio dad, whether he stepped up or not.


I think you may be romancing your past relationship. Step back and honestly remember the “not perfect times” there may be more than you are willing to admit.
I still love my ex-husband and it took a while to come to terms with him and us not being perfect. Once I stopped pining for what was so wonderful I remembered the things I wanted to bop him for. He is happy with a co-dependent wife now and I am happy with a man I don’t have to constantly build up emotionally.

Sounds like you have more growing up to do


I think you need to wait longer actions speak louder then words and he really has to prove himself to you

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If she wants to meet him and they have been talking for two years NOBODY should stop her!!! You should support her!!! As well as the “stepdad”!!!

You’re reminiscing a time when you were young without children. No responsibilities. Your children are happy and settled you can’t risk losing that.

This is totally unfair on your new husband.Your daughter can talk/ phone see her dad without you.You are not a young girl anymore,you know exactly what’s going to happen if you continue contact with your ex.Cheating is not always sex.Make a decision before you blow your kids life’s up.

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Follow your heart. Get legal separation. And for him to move out or u. Be happy life is to short.

I think you fall super easy. First he was your forever, then the next guy was your forever, now the first guy is back to being your forever. Like chill out. How about just being friends with a guy? Why do you need to be in a relationship with them? It’s confusing for the kids and it’s going to end up biting you in the ass down the road. My advice would be focus on yourself and your kids. Stop focusing on relationships and men.