I am having issues with my bonus daughters: Advice?

Been having a lot of trouble lately with my bonus daughters. 9 & 12. I’ve tried chore charts for over a year now. Nothing works. They leave lights on, chargers plugged into the wall, crap just everywhere unless I stand there and point it out for them to correct, I’m the one who ends up taking care of it. I don’t ask much, but what I do ask are very simple tasks. Such as specific days each was to feed the dog, day to bring your laundry to the washer, turn off light when you walk out of a room, take phone chargers out of the wall. Well, so I’d been reading when I came across an ADHD article. Everything is DEAD ON to their behavior. One, IMO, is inattentive, and the other hyperactive. I tried to bring it up to my husband, but he doesn’t want to hear it. They’ve had trouble in school; the oldest is a habitual liar; the youngest makes good grades but is a constant disruption in class. Their bio mom is just awful. She would never care if they were having problems. I understand it’s hard to hear for my husband. But I am at a loss. One time I thought to myself they are like caring for special needs kids…now I understand why. Would you have them tested? How do I get my husband on board? I am exhausted when they’re here. Doing all the household chores while they just sit around and make messes and do whatever they want. Of course, their father baby’s them; they’re his “little” girls. I feel hateful all the time, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m the one who never gets free time because I’m constantly picking up after them. And a year later, with the same instruction, shouldn’t they be able to grasp it by now?! I don’t understand. Any advice would be welcome.

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Stop picking up after them. Have no phone rules. Don’t lead to ADHD until you make sure their foundation is rock solid.

Do you have kids in this age group? Idk about ADHD, it is supposed to be diagnosed by 10/12. These are the struggles with this age. I personally make the rule that chores are done before play/tv/electronics. I check the chores and make my kids redo them. It seems like this season is a season of no breaks for mom or stepmom.

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Pick your battles!! And FYI if you make it your job to be the enforcer you will always b the bad guy!! Always! Get on to him about being the enforcer. Teenage years r right around the corner and if you continue to be the enforcer mark my words they will turn their father against u. Children of divorced parents are so manipulative times 100 usually when they hit 13!

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Welcome to parenthood. Do you have any other children? This is just kids. You say one is a liar? What examples? Is it to get out of trouble? Or to get others in trouble - there’s a difference. I’m presuming they don’t live with you, you just have to get on at them all the time for it. It’s normal.

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Sounds like typical preteens to me
Why can’t chargers stay plugged in?

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I would never make a child that young unplug anything from a wall… sounds like you’re being lazy and theres nothing wrong with leaving them plugged in… LMFAO MAKE MESSES? You’re a parent! You’re responsible to keep your house clean😂 you’re asking way to much from them… smh.

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honestly, they’re probably feeding off of your disdain or resentment for them. If I know someone doesn’t like me I’m not going to listen to them or be concerned about doing a good job for them. Also, if they’ve been allowed to have bad habits (i.e. being messy) from birth than that’s going to be a hard habit to break. Especially at their ages.

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As a mom of a child with ADHD and me having it myself it doesnt sound like ADHD. It sounds like children raised to be unappreciative. Calling them special needs is messed up.

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Try giving them some coffee. At 9 and 12 it’s not really going to hurt either way but if they have ADHD as you suspect you may see slight improvement.

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Sounds to me like a typical preteen child … your to quick to just try and throw a diagnosis at them. You have to take in to consideration that they may have not always had the best home life , if mom is horrible like you say and then the split up of there parents , could be some pent up anger. If your going to do anything I would suggest counselling for the whole family , may do you all some good .

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You sound like my fil even when he’s in my home he will unplug my stuff including coffee pot and tv because I walked away regardless if I was still using makes me so mad if I walk out the room you forgot your light he’s a but hole just because why not for one just calm down kids are kids not a big deal to have a charger plugged in I have ADHD and it doesn’t sound like they do sounds like your to strict and there being a little rebellious give them some slack

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And yes I have numerous courses on how to deal with ADHD etc. so I’m not going in blind. The Crcc has courses on these things for a small fee and are usually a day long. Ece workers are required to take these courses so they are available through daycare registry

There not your kids right. Everything they do is normal at there ages. They might want to piss you off.

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Have you tried positive rewards? Giving praise when/if they do something!? You as a parent/role model need to set examples! Trying this isn’t going to hurt anything, allowance? Even something small could make them want to help out! Good luck!

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Typical child behavior

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My estranged husband’s two daughters were the exact same way. And I’m not going to lie it really put a wedge in our marriage because after becoming tired of being the bad guy all the time and him getting upset and told them more than once they didn’t have to listen to me (he had full custody and worked nights so I pretty much was the only adult there most of the time) if I did something like take away screen time because they didn’t do their one daily chores I just stopped, I stopped picking up what they should, I stopped enforcing anything, and that didn’t go over well with him either. Kids that age don’t pick up or don’t do this and they do lie, but there is a difference in a kid lying and one that has compulsive lying issues, my exes daughter would say someone touched her innaproproaitly any time she got in trouble for anything. You and your husband need to be on the same page I wish I could tell you what to do to get him there but I don’t. Good luck

I have 2 kids with ADHA meds don’t held the dad let them anything they want to an I said they couldn’t have it he gave it so now he tries to turn them against me

You are to have sit down with they’re dad an tell him that you both need to be on the same page with the kids if you don’t do something now it will only get harder later

Until their dad wants to actually parent his kids and realizes that they need to clean up after themselves things will not not change. I have two adhd step sons and meds help but that is not the only answer they need routine and consistent discipline. We have a list of house rules with consequences up in our house and we inforce as a unit. The dad needs to be on the same page as you or nothing will work. You might have to stop doing stuff for them and disciplining them to force him to step up