I am having issues with my boyfriends oldest son: Advice?

I am a widow with three proud kids. I am in a relationship now. My boyfriend is a widower with two sons. We stay all together. Since the first, I met my bf…i treat his sons as my kids as well. I treat all of them with discipline. Just for info…my bf’s sons like to lie and make up a story…especially the eldest one… many times he broke the rule. Since I teach all of them about the value of honesty and reward and punishments, so my bf’s sons always get more punishments ( the punishment: NO cellphone NO PlayStation.) Since that time. Slowly but sure…his eldest one told his dad in front of me two times on different occasions that he wants to kick me out from their house. I did not feel hurt etc, because I thought he was just a kid ( 15 years old). But when one day he asked me directly that I should leave their house next year. I feel he is over the line…so disrespectful. Please … I need some advice on how to treat him…thanks a ton in advance

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He is probably acting that way because he misses he mom. And maybe he thinks your replacing her.

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This sounds like something your boyfriend should deal with. If he has issues with you, those issues are only going to be exacerbated if you’re the one punishing him. I think you should talk to your boyfriend about the situation and let him deal with it.

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You can’t just come into their home and start disciplining them. How would you feel if a woman came into your home and started taking your stuff because you don’t follow their new rules. Try building some respect first.

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He is not your son he’s your boyfriends and your not his mother dicipline your own children you seem harsh with his ways imaybe you should learn to respect each other first .He won’t accept your ways

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Honestly I’d want you to leave too if I was him
You’re just the GIRLFRIEND but trying to act like mom and queen of the house

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I have questions
#1 how long have you been in a relationship.
#2 is this the first relationship his father has been in since his mother passed?
#3 how long has it been since his mother passed.

This could be just a disrespectful kid. It could be. But it also be a kid that is dealing with grief of losing his mother. Dealing with the fact his father has moved on.
Dealing with the fact that someone else is playing the role of his mother.

Also. If he’s your boyfriend not husband. Maybe it’s best you let the father parent his child for now.

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He feels you’re taking his moms place. You have to be gentle with situations like this, otherwise, he will always have hard feeling toward you. Maybe you should try to build a relationship with him first, I agree punishments should be put in place, but maybe let his dad be the one to do it until he is comfortable with you.

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Tell him to move out if he doesn’t like it

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15 and full of emotions. Just talk to him. You said both widowers, he CANT get his mom back so I’m sure that is a tough one already on top of adding additions to the family. Its probably hard seeing his dad with another woman thats not his mom. Maybe try talking to him about his feelings, WHY he feels that way and what YOU BOTH can do to work on it.

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And also talk to your boyfriend.

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I honestly feel like that’s something your boyfriend should be speaking to his boys about. It isn’t really your place to be disciplining them considering you are just the girlfriend as of right now living in their house. It almost sounds like they miss their mom and might feel as if you are trying to replace their mom so they act out like that

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1st Why is there a MALE on this page laughing?
2nd, I think if you want to discipline, do it along side your boyfriend so they don’t resent you. If they are to be disciplined it should be the father and you standing by his side supporting him.

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There’s not enough info, like how long have y’all been living together. But understand that young man probly misses his mom and your the one he takes it out on. Maybe have a family meeting to see why he feels that way. Has he always treated you this way or is it new behavior.

Its difficult punishing other peoples children, try and connect with them , show them you are not trying to replace their mum…have your own relationship with them, you are the adult you show them the ropes…
Also ( i cant tell) but if they feel in any way that you consume all their dads attention or that you are just taking over their lives its going to cause great havoc. Boundaries need to be established from both sides , respect and your own unique relationship needs to be established especially knowing and establishing where your place is in that environment…Gentle approach :yellow_heart: Good luck !

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He has every right to feel angry and pissed off… maybe try to have a real heart to heart with him and also give him space…

I ran into a similar situation and the Dad should 100% take care of this situation. He should also do all the discipline action with the boys. Boys try to test the Moms/ stepmoms and have no respect for them. They will listen to the Dad.

I called my momma a fool (jokingly) once and she popped me in the mouth.
I was shocked but I never did it again.
Now I know (since I’m daddies little princess) he wouldn’t let that fly with anyone but my momma.
I’ve never been a step or had steps but I know it would take a long while for me to be comfortable with someone else disciplining my kids, hell sometimes I don’t even like it when my husband does it but they listen better to him than they do with me.
Take it up with your husband he needs to back you up since he’s probably the one they respect most.
I know for sure if my parents had broken up I’d give my stepparents the hardest time ever.
I’m a huge daddies girl and my mommas my hero.
Granted if my husband and I were to break up I’d demand(as long as she treated them as her own, discipline and love) that my kids treat her with respect.
Try to put yourself in their shoes, it’s just as hard on them (if not, harder) as it is on you.

Honestly I feel like you definitely went too far. You’re both widowers and yes you love them as your own but you need to remind yourself that they aren’t and they lost their mom. I feel like the father is amazing for listening to his son and doing what’s best for his kids

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Hes hurt. Try to understand it from his perspective. You’re not his mother. Not to mention teenage boys are ass holes. They have way too many hormones than they know what to do with. Find away to bond with him. Just dont expect it will change over night. Be patient.