I am having major relationship issues: Advice?

I could really use some advice. My husband and I have been together 11 years, married 5. We have three children. Neither of us has any family and friends, but his family would surely take him back in if he just got rid of me. They hate me because I refuse to put up with their nonstop drama. My husband is a lot like all of them. To be quite honest, every single one of them acts exactly the same. So here’s my problem. I have been going through some serious emotions lately about my marriage. My husband asked me what was bothering me last night, and I told him. Our marriage has lost every bit of its spark, and I’m just not feeling very interested in him anymore. I didn’t tell him this to hurt him. I feel like relationships don’t work if you’re not honest with each other about what’s really going on and work together to fix it. Things are, he just flipped it all on me per usual and then kept taking little cheap shots until I got tired of it and got mad. When he finally managed to push me to that point, he decided he was just going to bed—also, something he always does when something is bothering me. We don’t talk at all unless it’s about how his day at work was or how the kids have acted all day. We have sex maybe once a month, and even then, it’s over in 5 seconds, and he’s the only one ever being satisfied. We don’t cuddle or anything. Like it’s all just gone, and I can’t stand it anymore. I used to give so much. This man would come home to a warm plate of food well after midnight and so much more. But he hurt me; he broke me, he crushed my soul. Nothing I ever did for him was good enough. He just took until I had nothing left to give. I can’t even tell what’s normal anymore and what’s absolutely unacceptable. After our fight last night, he hasn’t spoken to me all day. This could go on for days, weeks, or even months. It’s something else he makes a habit of doing. It’s mental abuse at it’s finest, but I’m honestly not even sure he knows that. I wish I could tell you everything, so you have all the pieces. I don’t have anywhere to go, I don’t have anyone I can reach out to, I’m a stay at home mom and I never even leave the house. There are no shelters in my area, and the closest one shut down last year. Everything I had is gone, and I feel like I am losing my mind. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice you can give that would help my cause would be wonderful. I don’t ever see a cent of his paycheck, so I can’t save money either. I’ve tried so hard to find a sitter so I can get a job, but this town is so small and so full of dope heads. I feel so stuck!

152 Likes

Tell him you’re getting a job and you guys will just have to go halves on daycare. You can’t leave unless you’re financially independent.

4 Likes

you are really in an abusive relationship. the fact that he made you entirely dependent on him that is a red flag of an abuser. He isolates you and make you feel miserable and trapped and hopeless. You are not crazy, you are being victimized and abuse. Is there any group near you that you can call so they can really assist you step by step so you can finally gain back your freedom from him? Abuse is not only when you are being beaten and being physically bleeding. Dont wait for that to happen. Search google for someone who can help you.

4 Likes

It’s called marriage counseling… Go to it and stop getting your advice from bitter washed up women who hate men. Go see a professional.

9 Likes

You really need to try and get out more and if you truly deep down inside love your husband and want to try one last time to make it work, you two need to reconnect somehow whether it be date nights, game nights, and def. Need to learn how to communicate better so that both of your needs are met.

2 Likes

Find a daycare center there’s one in every city. Find a job,save your money, disregard his silent treatment, then leave. Life is not a big party that you weren’t invited to… get out of your situation unless your handicap or something then I can’t help.

If you don’t stop telling me my story. I feel your pain lady, I know this all to well. Pray to God to help remove that misery from him as well as you, because I’m sure he’s not happy either, he’s just too selfish to walk away like a man and encourage you to find your own peace. If you don’t have any family or friends that you can reach out to try local churches or your local dept of human services… maybe they can help you. I stayed so long because I had no where to go or any support from family and friends. You may not want to but find out about income based housing. Try cooking or baking maybe that’ll get you money towards moving on. Use that income towards proof of income for low income housing. Starting over can be scary especially if you don’t know your future… you don’t know where you’ll go how you’ll furnish it or anything. But I’m here to tell you the first night you are in your own space you’ll sleep so good, even if it’s on the floor it’ll be better than sleeping in a cold bed next to an even colder person. Sorry for the novel…I’ll be praying for you

Can you get help from Centrelink or government/ housing and just move to another place. If he loves you he will fight to get you back. He seems controlling and that isn’t a happy marriage if one sided only. Where there’s a will there’s always away

2 Likes

Go to centrelink and ask to see a social worker. They can help with temporary accommodation up to a week. They can also help you apply for payments and get in contact with a counsellor.

Maybe after a week of you and your kids being away he will change his views…

1 Like

Just wondering why you don’t have family and friends. They’re the one should help you baby sitting the kids so you can go to work. Do you have a caregiver in Your area. Feel free to private message me. I’m hoping and praying that you two will work things out.

If you’re asking for advice to keep the marriage going, I would maybe try changing yourself. I know it sounds awful and uncomfortable and it’s really not fair. But I would try to be the change you’re wanting to see. Try to have a soft heart with him and see if that makes anything better. If you’re truly wanting to save your marriage, you can.

If you’re asking for advice on a shelter or monetary help, I would call your local PD and they should have info on the closest shelter and can refer you to the township trustees, who can help you get on your feet.

Best of luck to you.

4 Likes

Where are you located??? I work for a domestic violence shelter. Private message me if I can be any assistance to you :purple_heart:

3 Likes

You need to work out how to leave. He has you trapped and is putting you through mental, emotional and financial abuse. It will keep going until you finally make that decision to get out. You can spend your whole life giving and giving and giving but with a man like this it’s impossible to get through to them and you end up figuratively banging your head against a wall and waste years of your life trying to make them happy when nothing ever will and you will lose yourself as a person and as a mother eventually. There comes a point when you have to say enough is enough and find a way out.

7 Likes

Whr is ur family? U dnt have any friends at all?..Call a shelter and if u can arrange it get urself kids included as far as u can!!

I’m happy coming here today to appreciate the good work of Dr Nathan Spell caster For saving my lost relationship I never believe there will Be a way To get my lover back but Dr Nathan saved my relationship through his-spell and after 24 hours my love I return to me and asked for forgiveness I’m very happy because I never thought There is A great man like this You can also reach him on his email address([email protected] com) Or WhatsApp him on +2347019014544

1 Like

I would definitely look up a domestic abuse hotline for your area.

Meditate! Daily or better 3 times a day. Self heal. Vision the life you deserve. You’ll be okay.

2 Likes

I am going some thing similar not the same but very close so if you need to chat Pv me

Since I only have your side of things and it sounds like you are still in the process of trying to save your marriage, I won’t tell you to leave. What I can tell you is you can only change YOU, not him. I’d start by taking some classes and getting a job at least per diem or part time since you have the kids. what you can try to do to salvage your marriage is change your roles, not the marriage. Once he sees you gain a little independence, he will either shape up or you ship out. Either way, take everything you said and work on yourself and focus on only you. If he doesn’t speak to you, remain cordial and don’t feed into his drama. Instead go online and look for online classes. Get yourself situated financially to leave in case you actually do. The fact that you stated his family will take him back in a heartbeat if he got rid of you is a conversation you two need to have when things are calm. I would get a therapist for myself (which I have) and then go with him to therapy. Always remember when discussing things, listen to what he is saying without interrupting. No mater how wrong he may be, it is his truth and you can dig deeper if he feels you are listening. There’s a reason you two are still together and before you talk to him about it (again) i’d work on improving myself. No one can make you outwardly angry, you have to allow them to get you to that point. Take control back and save your peace of mind.

9 Likes

Think of the kids and for THEM give it ONE more try. Be sure you let him know you’re to the point of divorce. Perhaps write him a long letter. See how he reacts. If he knows divorce is pending, perhaps he’ll agree to TRY to fix it rather than just shutting down n going to bed. Lots of men have issues expressing themselves. There is always some spark gone. BOTH of you have to work on that- make a date night once a week - no sitter…than it starts after bedtime. Begin to make friends w neighbors or at a church…can always take kids to church w ya. Good Luck. Divorce is HARD…EVEN HARDER ON KIDS!

2 Likes