I am in a relationship but feel like a single parent: Anyone else?

Just wondering how many moms out there in relationships feel like single mothers, or are in positions similar to mine where I pay every bill: rent, utilities, my car payment, daycare…, work 40-50 hours a week, ( i also have two side hustles run a small business operation and manage rental properties) arrange all childcare, buy all the groceries, do all the shopping, organize all the activities, and are expected to do all the chores on top of everything. My partner has been on and off out of work; most recently, he’s been off week for three weeks now. I did 90% of the Christmas shopping, all of the wrapping and decorating, I cooked for his side of the family, and paid for 90% of the trip to see my side of the family. The last job he applied for, I actually applied for him. just recently, a mass was found on one of my organs that has been causing me extreme pain, yet I’ve only taken one day off of work ( i can’t afford more than that). My partner has been home nearly every day and has done the dishes once. The only time he isn’t home is when I’m asking for help or support. I realize with the job insecurity he has been left feeling pretty depressed…anyway my question is to you mamas out there: how many women are really out there that are expected to handle it all… do traditional views of what a woman’s role is in a family impact the functionality of your home life? When the traditional male role as the provider falls through, is it left up to you to fill both roles? If so then how do you do it? Or if you have experienced this, how did you change it without destroying your family?

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May as well be single so id say goodbye to him. He isnt helping just sponging

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If is he like that and u haven’t got any support from him when asked Or spoke to him and he is still the same I would be like Bye…

he should be helpping you.

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talk to him?? say hey I’m drowning here I need you to take care of this and this please … if he doesn’t then you know where you stand… communication…

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Idk why you’re asking this forum. Drop the deabeat extra weight, keep doing what you’re doing.

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Leave him. You’re not his mom.

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I was in a relationship like this after a 6 months of it being this way I ended it. Just another person I had to take care of an adult at that it would be different if he had a disability but it sounds like your doing it all now so there would be no difference besides him not being there. Take it day by day and eventually you will figure out what to do when and how to manage your time right it is a small process since your doing it all now

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Why do you all stay with these boys that you all call “men” and then complain about them? Girl if you are acting single you might as well be single. 🤷

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I was going through the exact same thing. I suggested marriage counseling only to be told that I’M the one that needs counseling. I was supporting him AND his parents while paying all the bills and raising a child. After 5 years of this, one day it just clicked… I deserved better. My child deserved better. So I packed up, left and filed for divorce. Best decision ever.

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He should love you enough to see what you do and how you do for everyone want to step up without being told . He’s another child for u to take care of

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Here’s your sign…

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He’s literally providing nothing to the household? Why have him around if he’s like that? Even my 9 year old son helps me more than that. If he doesn’t want to act like a husband then he doesn’t need to be one. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Sounds like you’re taking care of somebody’s growing Child. Sorry but if you can do all that you don’t need his ass around.

You’ve allowed these comforts so he’s taken advantage. Give him ultimatum to sort his shit out to get out

He doesn’t appreciate you and I say this with much respect for you as you seem to be handling it well. I would try this approach sit down and have an adult talk with him let him know that the weight of doing 90% of it all is taking its toll on you. Simply ask for some help in areas where he can help it may be dropping the kids off at school or doing the dishes see if there are a few things he can do all by himself that will help lighten your load. If he cant handle a few chores or tasks then he simply isn’t as into his role as husband/father that he should be. Now realize that whatever you have him handle wont be done exactly as you do it simply he isn’t you. I hope that a talk is all it takes to get you some help

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I feel the same but he doesn’t live with me I like me space to much tbh just me and me girls x

I’ve been exactly where you are and the only advice I can give you is if you’re doing it all by yourself you might as well be by yourself. If he’s not willing to help you out you’re better off alone

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I tried for years. Then I gave up because what’s the point in trying if I was the only one that was trying?

Bottom line is, why are you trying to keep him. If it’s “for the kids”, think about how the kids are learning to act from him. They’re either going to learn it’s okay to do what he’s doing, or that it’s okay to put up with what you’re putting up with.

Either way, is that really the lesson you want your kids to learn? Because that’s what they’re learning.

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Sounds like you are making the decision to run the house while allowing him to live the leisure life. Let go of the control and either let him stand up and be a man or say goodbye.

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Girl no; if he is truly depressed, he needs to get help. Give him a time frame to get it worked out (like 6 mo to a year) and he must understand at the end of that, he needs to go. It sucks but there should be no room for that. If he was doing all of the home stuff, it would be different