I’ve been married five years. We got engaged pretty fast, not even two months, and had a “short” engagement, about eight months. I had always wanted to be a mom and wanted to try from the start of a marriage, and he knew that, but he didn’t tell me until after we were married that he didn’t want to start a family until a year or two of being married. He made me believe we would start almost immediately. Not even two months later, I found out I was pregnant. He appeared excited, but the further along I became, the more problems we started having. It was so close to the point of a divorce. I swore I would not allow my children to grow up in a broken home, so we fought for it. Things were looking up. Then, I found out I was pregnant AGAIN a little over a year and a half after our first was born. This pregnancy, like my last, was hard on my body. So I decided to get my tubes tied after. He was on board because he understood the pain I was in. My hormones were out of wack, and I wasn’t in the mood for sex, like EVER! And it was okay cause he’s gone a little over half of the year in spurts. But the ONE time I was in the mood, he shot me down. I was upset because I already didn’t feel attractive enough, then he had to say, “I can’t f*ck a fat pig like you right now”. I was TORN! So I showered, cleaned up a little, and then I heard a noise. He was watching porn. He told me he HATED porn! Anyway, fast forward to having the baby, we started fighting more and more. It’s to the point we are sleeping in separate rooms now, and he wants NOTHING to do with our children! We got in a fight a couple of weeks ago, and I found myself looking into his phone, and he was talking to FOUR different women confiding in them about OUR personal problems. He was talking about he wanted more kids, and I couldn’t give him anymore because I was selfish. Also, talking about his children needed a stepmom that will love them like her own when he divorced me and sued for sole custody. I am at a loss for words. I do try and talk to him about how I feel about everything, it’s not like we ignore each other 24/7, but he never puts his input in and will not try and even confide in me the smallest bit. Not to mention, his mom texts me NON STOP about our marital issues that he will talk to her about, but not me. She’s all the time texting me about how he is better off without me, and I’m a POS mother. I quit my two jobs to make him happy when we found out I was pregnant, I am a stay at home mom, my children ALWAYS come first, and he all the time threatens to take them away from me because I don’t have a job and everything we have is in his name. He cannot even tell you what their favorite toys are (even though their rooms are covered in their favorite things), what their favorite food is, much less tell you what size clothes and shoes they wear. I just don’t know what to do. I am miserable, but I don’t want my children to have divorced parents. I need advice!! Thank you!
You don’t want your children in a toxic environment either, believe me when I say they will be better off coming from a divorced family than a toxic, dysfunctional family. I put my kids through hell trying to make things work with their dad, although we are still together my kids learned what they do not want in a partner or marriage. He & I both have our faults but when your 19 year old daughter comes to you and says she has no respect for her father, a man she has always worshipped it hurts. She has chosen a boyfriend that is the complete opposite of her dad and he makes her really happy. My son has chosen a girl somewhat like me but he treats her way better than his dad treats me
Divorce may be your best option. Staying together for them is not a solution. They see the fighting, sense the stress. You have to put the kids first and it seems if he lied about all this, what else has he lied about? Stop the insanity, and let it go. And if he tells you, you can’t make it on your own, don’t listen. You will make it .
Do a trial separation…and get yourself some ‘MOM GOALS’…set a path for your independence,GO FOR IT! JOB TRAINING,and being self-sufficient…Nobody can do it for you…as for him,…put him on the back burner for awhile,show him how it feels that your life DOESN’T revolve around him…it revolves around your children…and DO YOU! For your kids sake.
don’t raise your kids in a home they need to recover from. Sometimes divorce is the best option for everyone. Children need happy parents. If you’re miserable, odds are they may be too.
My parents did the same thing. I wish they had divorced when I was younger! It’s a life lesson that you have learned the hard way. Divorcing him now will help your children to hopefully not make the same mistakes, teach them the value of love honor and respect from a man that understands what that truly means, not necessary for the lesson to be taught by the biological father. It’s tough being a single mom but you got this! Love your kids more than the marriage he has made into a farce and respect yourself!
i understand that you want to save your family but honey your family has been brook for years now the best thing for you and your kiddos is to leave thier are pently of places that will help single moms out . your kiddos do not need to see all this will only hurt them worse to stay . and you get half of everything . and tell his mom to leave you alone and stay where she belong not in your lane. honey i know it is hard i was there . stay with my first for 13 years 7 of which were hell cause i did not want my kids coming from a brooken home all i have to say is now that they are older they all have come back to me and thank me for getting out . you need to do this for yourself and much as them.
You’ll accept all of that but NOT divorce? You shld see a therapist. Work thru your issues and get a healthy mind.Thats what you and your kids need.
This was my life 25 years ago , I divorced but make sure that’s what you want it’s not healthy for the children life is to short they want there mom happy
Divorce does not equal broken home.
A broken home is when two parents hate eachother, stay together, resent their situation and make everyone around them misrable.
Grow up, divorce, learn how to co-parent.
You’re kids will thank you in the long run for it, because there is nothing worse than have two parents live together just because of you. TRUST ME!!!
You needed to leave a long time ago. Divorced parents are sometimes better then being together and living in a home where the kids can feel that tension. Go get custody papers and a good lawyer and explain all the stuff he had been doing and there is a shot he will get supervised visitations so he can’t talk badly about you to your children. Go get a job and get things done mama
You’re only hurting your children more by staying married! I felt the same way, and found out the hard way, it’s not worth upsetting the kids, broken families as just as good or better than fake marriages, I suggest get out and save your kids and yourself you and your kids deserve happiness!!! Fight for your kids!!!
I just had this conversation yesterday. I stayed to long so don’t do that he clearly isn’t willing and he’s disrespecting you completely. Don’t ever let your children see that being done to you. Get a job right away and start showing some independence. Your going to need it when you take his sorry butt to court for child support. It sucks but it’s happening! You need to take control of your life and you can start by telling his mother to mind her own business and stay in her lane.
Using your kids “I don’t want them to have divorced parents” as an excuse is actually very selfish. They will grow up even more messed up if they are raised in an unhappy home. Sounds 100% like you should leave him but it also sounds like you rely completely on him financially and in my opinion, that is probably more of a worry for you.
I was in a relationship for almost 7 years my one daughter didn’t belong to my boyfriend. He had two kids by oneself but I helped raised them an we had our daughter together too but I stayed in that relationship for the kids an it didn’t do anything good cause now I been on my own for over two years now an my two daughters are happier then ever plus I have my ex’s other kid too. So three girls in my home an we are the happiest we ever been in years. Don’t stay in a relationship for the kids if u an them are not happy get away from him. I did an my kids dad is in jail now so
Children are the most resilient people on this planet. A broken home doesn’t mean a divorce home. A broken home is a child watching their parents being hurt daily and wishing they could leave. Don’t let your child grow up thinking that it’s okay for you to be treated like this because of them. This may start a vicious cycle when they get older and ready to start a family of their own. Children understand more than you think and they only want their parents to be happy even if they have to be apart.
Remember your kids will think your marriage as normal and they will get themselves into a dysfunctional marriage too. you need to get a divorce so Your kids can have a happy child hood and will see a strong woman that is Happy with her life. What ever you do your children will mimic when they are grown-Wouldn’t you rather have them become strong individuals instead of repeating your mistakes.
My child was 6 months old when I decided enough was enough with her dad. The cheating and mental games he always played were too much. I never wanted my child in a broken home either but making sure my child was in a happy home with no fighting is important bc I grew up like that. Now 6 years later and I’m engaged to my best friend he is a great dad. Her dad has moved on and now my baby has 2 happy homes! It’s definitely hard at first but it can be done! Praying for you and your family!
Why not look into Marriage counseling? Never leave a Marriage without outside help💗I wish you the very best
Unfortunately sometimes a divorce is what is best for the children and being from a divorced family no longer has the negative stigma surrounding it as it used to. The children will be ok as long as you continue to love them and take care of them.