I am not a fan of my husbands "girl" friend: Thoughts?

I have a question my husband who I’ve been with for almost a year has a friend who is a girl that he claims is like a sister to him but she is not blood related at all I don’t like her or even trust her at all he has been talking to her behind my back while he’s at work how I know this is yes I got his phone and seen she was the last person he spoke to on messenger I asked him why are u talking to her I said you know I don’t like her or even trust her and I don’t want you talking to her, and he said to me well I’m sorry she is like a sister to me, and you are gonna have to get over it because I am going to continue talking to her… This is the second marriage I went through something similar to this with my ex-husband for 16 years before I divorced him I feel like my ex-husband would talk to other girls and say oh they’re just friends or like sisters to him then it escalated to more… what would yall do in this kind of situation should I go put in for a divorce from my new husband or what I just don’t want the same thing happening to me that I went through for 16 years.

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I think it’s totally inappropriate for him to be doing anything behind your back. You’re his wife, and he should care more about your feelings than his friendship with that woman. Sorry.

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Would you have an issue if said friend was male and like a brother to him? I think it’s good to have friends of both sexes. Me and my husband have! I would never expect him to give me an ultimatum over friends so I certainly wouldn’t do it to him x

My son is in this situation… There’s nothing going on in his case… It’s like family… Maybe you could get to know her more an have fun.

Give him the choice either me or her. If he picks her. Then you’ll no to move on.

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He dont understand you.He will regret when he ruins marriage.

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My husband has more female friends then males. If you trust him it shouldnt be a problem. A relationship is based on trust. If you dont trust him then yes file for divorce.

It is possible to have this kind of relationship with the opposite gender… My best friend and “brother” of 19 years is one of the most important people in my life and theres never been a hint of romantic anything between the 2 of us i can count how many times weve even hugged on both hands in almost 2 decades…
Had my husband acted like this about him our relationship would NOT have lasted. David was there when no one else was when i became a teen mom hes had my back thru every hardship ive ever faced i wouldnt give his friend ship up for anyone

He has already told you his choice, he just said it in other words…

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listen to your intuition. if you feel there is something more to it there is probably is. yes she may be a long time friend/like a sister but you know that even in laws comes second to the wife. the spouse shall always be the top and only priority next with the children so i think it is only right to feel hurt/anger/disrespected that your husband makes you feel that this friend is more important to you. Learn from what you have experience from your last marriage and from then decide if your current marriage is still worth saving. you know that things will keep on repeating itself until you learn your lesson.

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Too bad. You don’t have to nothing her. If you make him choose, you may not like who he keeps.
My best friend died last week. My husband didn’t like or trust him, but he was told, don’t make me choose, because I would choose my best friend. I had him first, before my husband. It was never hidden. You either trust me, or you dont. If you dont, pack ya shit. Cause If I wanted him that way, I would have made it happen.
If he wanted her, he would be with her and not you.

How long have you been with him? Has he been friends with her before you came into the picture? If so, maybe you could call her and ask to meet up with her for lunch or coffee, get to know each other. If she came into the picture after you, then I think that is wrong. Either way, he should be considerate of your feelings, so should the other girl. Maybe sit down with him and explain your feelings, if you haven’t done so already.

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I think you need to be very careful not to make your current husband pay for your last ones mistakes.

Aside from talking to this one friend, has he given you any reason to mistrust him? Has he done or said anything that would indicate he is any less devoted to you? While I’m not a fan of discrediting your gut feelings, the fact you spent so much of your post discussing your ex husband’s sins as the reason to mistrust him talking to this woman, it could be more about your insecurities.

I think you should seek out a support group, counseling or therapy (I’m not being an asshole, I’m being sincere) and talk through your feelings with a professional before you end your marriage. I think there is lingering baggage from your last marriage that is spilling into this one, and even if he is cheating, being in therapy can help you navigate that better and direct you down a path that may help you avoid being attracted to that type of man again. If he’s not, therapy can help you learn how to trust and be vulnerable without fear, or at least the demons from the past breathing down your neck.

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Did you know about her before and were fine with it?

As a woman, if I knew I was causing marriage issues for someone who is truly my friend I would step away from that friendship. Because that is what a real friend would do.

He WANTS to talk to her or he wouldn’t. Find out why.

If he is sneaking and lying about it then he has an entirely different issue with integrity.

I couldn’t stay married to someone who lies to me.

Was he friends w her before you? If so you should have put a stop to that right then now if it’s after you & him this “friendship” :thinking:has to go or he goes

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You’ve only been together a year and he’s your husband?
Was this girl around before you? Did you know she existed when you meet him? Was she at your wedding?
Besides him talking to her behind your back, it could be because they are close friends and you have made a huge deal out of nothing.
People of opposite sex can be best friends and be nothing romantic.
Invite her over, see how they are with each other.
He should want you guys to get to know each other since you’re the wife and she’s the bff

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Run my ex had multiple sisters and they were always number one to him over me and no he didn’t know them before we dated however we never married we do Have a child together

The fact you went threw his phone, tells me you are the one who shouldn’t be trusted.

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Invite her over for coffee and get to know her. Your intuition will tell u more once u have sat with them both and see how they act around each other

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If he doesn’t respect you enough to give up his girlfriend then he doesn’t really love you

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