My boyfriend (or fiance… I’m not really sure anymore) have been together for four years in April. We have four children together, and he asked me to marry him in 2017. We have broken up several times since that year, and he has kicked me out of our home in each of those breakups. I no longer have a ring, but he refers to me as his fiance when he speaks about me to people he doesn’t know very well. We have just gotten back together in July of 2019 again after another breakup. And I find that we are arguing a lot. I keep bringing up the same issues I’m having, but he doesn’t seem to change/want to. He will not give me any money, if he does, it’s for me to get things the house needs, and I have to give him change back. He hasn’t taken me on a night out the date, away from our kids in almost eight months. I bring that up often, and once again, I’m dismissed or thrown excuses such as money, or he’s stressed out. But, the only Bill’s we have is electricity, water, and our car payment. No rent or anything, we were given a house. He is constantly on his phone talking to his buddies (no girls), if we do go somewhere together that’s what he’s doing most of the time, instead of talking/listening to me. Saturdays are the days my father takes out kids out to breakfast, and to hang out at his house, so we don’t have our kids for a break, and last Saturday instead of doing anything with me, he told me he was going to go to some guys house and do some welding work to make some extra money. I was really upset and angry about that, so he didn’t go. It turns out that he was actually lying and was going to go to a buddies house (this particular friend doesn’t like me, always talked about me to everyone, even though I’ve never met him but one time). So, of course, we fought about that, and every time we fight, he tells me how done he is with me, tells me how he regrets having kids with me, and how he wants me out of the house. I love him, but I don’t know what to do. I know everyone is going to say to leave him, but I have no house and no money of my own. And last time we broke up, he deleted all the pictures of our kids off social media, was asking other girls with kids on dates, avoided his weekends and days without kids, going out and partying, going to bars and just living a teenage boys dream, while I was the only parent. We both are 23 years old, and he lost his house he was renting, was homeless while doing all this partying, he came to his mom’s house to spend the night on the weekends he got our kids. He never gave me child support. What do I do? He won’t change, but he also says he wants to be with me. I’m so confused. Nothing, including conversations, help. Anyone’s advice, please.
You dump his sorry ass and find a happy and mutually respectful relationship.
Red flags! Get rid of him, go to court for childsupport and custody arrangements. Move on and maybe find someone who truly wants to be with you without the childish nonsense of breaking up often.
Not a good place for your kids
Girl get a job, stack your money, and leave. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And one more thing, he doesn’t want to be with you, but he isn’t willing to let you go…he doesn’t want anyone else to have you. And if those are the only bills y’all have, and he still can’t afford to take you on a date??? What’s he really doing with that money???
I didn’t even read the whole thing to know you need to fucking leave him. Sounds like a piece of shit.
Get a job, save money and run and never look back! Apply for housing ASAP. He’s never going to change and he doesn’t respect you in the slightest. You have five kids, not four.
You find out how a person really is after a break up. He’s a shit father and boyfriend. A ring and marriage isn’t going to change that. He’s not going to change if everything stays the same. Might as well make the break now before you end up with another kid he’s not going to help take care of or a marriage you have to pay to get out of.
If you don’t leave him it’s gonna get worse. If y’all dont get counseling its going to get worse. This is a situatuon that you need to think about BOTH your kids and you as this isn’t getting better. You. Said yourself that he regrets having kids with you pretty much and wamts you gone. There is some serious red flags here.
Get a job get your own place and leave
Leave with the children and take him to court for child suppprt.
You’re answering your own question babe.
You know what to do already. It doesnt matter what you have or don’t have take your babies an leave. Ive done it others done it. Trust me you already left once. You can do it again.
Life is too short to live it miserable, and you WILL be miserable for many many years if you stay in that situation.
I have been here before. In my opinion, if a relationship is constantly on again off again, it will never work. I realize the fear is what keeps you there. If you are not married, apply for food stamps and anything you can. Leave him off the application. They will ask how do you live, be honest and say you are trying to get away and he does not contribute except what is absolutely needed… stash 5 or so dollars here and there. Hide it. This will be your greatest friend. If you have family in the area or remotely close, go to them. File for child support. It will be tough at first but you can do it. Your happiness, your sanity and your kids are #1. Men like this RARELY ever change. If you need someone to talk to or maybe to get ideas on how to get yourself ready to leave, message me.
Get a job and have ur own money. Get child support. I mean if ur wanting to stay with him than what u described will be ur life, only way to change it is if u make changes.
You have already answered your own question. I know you don’t want to hear it. But, leave! He won’t change and things are not going to get better.
Read this. Do this.
8 years ago I left my ex and let me tell you IT FUCKING HURT, he didnt hurt my insides hurt my love for him for our family etc. But I knew it was for the best.
Do you want your kids in a relationship like that when they get older?
First of all…STOP HAVING KIDS!!! NOW!!! Get some education somehow, & get the hell out!!!
You know the answer…