I Am Positive My Spouse Is Cheating But I Have No Proof: Advice?

QUESTION:

"How do you catch a cheating spouse?

You know he is seeing someone but you don’t have enough evidence, he has changed the passwords to all his devices and he guards his phone and other devices jealously.

What can you do in such a situation? Getting evidence is not to cause any problem but to have enough proof to confront him and restore the relationship."

RELATED QUESTION: How Do You Get Over — Forgive, Even — a Partner Who Cheated on You?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Proof to confront him and restore the relationship… You deserve better.”

“He won’t stop just because you confront him. Don’t play yourself; he already did that.”

“Once a cheater, always a cheater. My ex-husband cheated on me for 8 years. I was too busy with kids, house cleaning, the routines to do everything he expected and demanded. Also, he abused me too so I dealt with him until my daughter saw him kiss another woman when I was at work. He would bribe my kids not to tell me but they still tell me. So the court gave me full custody, my house just in my name, and everything is mine I can do what I want to do. I will not restore the relationship I threw him out of the house he went to jail.”

“Password protecting you out of all of his devices is proof enough. After 2 cheating fiances (yes, I was engaged twice before my current) who locked me out of their devices and currently engaged to one who allows me access to everything, I’ve learned that this is a huge red flag. Also, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t waste your time trying to fix it.”

“He’s not trying to restore your relationship. He’s trying to replace you so why would you want to embarrass yourself by staying with someone that is capable of hurting you like that? I’ve been down that road and there’s no fixing someone who doesn’t see a problem in themselves or their actions. Free yourself.”

“Restore the relationship??? Why??? You can’t make someone not cheat. Once a cheater always a cheater.”

“Just talk to him. Don’t snoop. Tell him you already know in your heart what’s going on and you still want to restore the relationship but to do so you need him to come clean and start a clean slate IF he’s willing to end it and work on your relationship. Maybe he will change. Maybe he won’t. But if you decide to forgive him, do some soul searching and make sure you really can. Because your relationship won’t survive if you can’t forgive him. You deserve better, but I pray everything works out for you.”

“If you prove it and he says sorry, will you trust him again? Are you ready to find out the truth & what comes with it? Changing passwords is already very obvious so it is all up to you, maybe you talk about it & just confront him, it will save you time than finding evidences. If he denies with guilty responses by telling you you’re just paranoid & put some blame on you, that speaks enough.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

1 Like

Look at your phone bill for frequent talked to numbers and then call or text the number. That’s a start

2 Likes

Proof to confront him and restore the relationship… You deserve better.

29 Likes

He won’t stop just because you confront him. Don’t play yourself he already did that.

12 Likes

Leave…i would NEVER stay with a cheater

3 Likes

You don’t want to cause problems and want to restore the relationship?Then why bother looking for evidence? Just ask him if your having suspiscions.

7 Likes

Look at phone bull or call the phone company, they can tell you over the phone too

If he’s with someone else how do you think he is wanting to restore anything ? I think he wants a remake with the obvious new …
Dont waste your time hun .
You’re worth so much more

4 Likes

Restore the relationship so in two years he can do it again yeah that’s smart lmao!!! Just leave boo you’re not not dumb and don’t need proof

5 Likes

You’re never going to trust him and get insecure, theres no restoration here.
If he’s checked out he’s checked out.

10 Likes

Once a cheater is always a cheater. My ex husband cheated on me for 8 years. I was too busy with kids, housecleaning, the routines to do everything he expected and demanded. Also he abused me too so I dealt with him Til my daughter saw him kiss other woman when I was at work. He would bribe my kids not to tell me but they still tell me.
So the court gave me a full custody, my house just in my name, and everything is mine I can do what I want to do. I will not restore the relationship I threw him out of the house he went to jail.

9 Likes

Tell him flat out you know he’s cheating and make him fess up. I ain’t got time to be searching and doing all that.

1 Like

Just talk to him. Don’t snoop. Tell him you already know in your heart what’s going on and you still want to restore the relationship but to do so you need him to come clean and start a clean slate IF he’s willing to end it and work on your relationship. Maybe he will change. Maybe he won’t. But if you decide to forgive him, do some soul searching and make sure you really can. Because your relationship won’t survive if you can’t forgive him. You deserve better, but I pray everything works out for you.

4 Likes

Find proof to know you are 100% and get out. You deserve better. He’s already made it clear.

1 Like

Confront and restore???

3 Likes

He’s not trying to restore your relationship. He’s trying to replace you so why would you want to embarrass yourself by staying with someone that is capable of hurting you like that? I’ve been down that road and there’s no fixing someone who doesn’t see a problem in themselves or their actions. Free yourself

9 Likes

First find out if he is cheating and then when you do find out, you leave. Never stick with a cheater.

Have you noticed women liking his posts on Instagram, Facebook etc that you don’t know or are liking them frequently? Has he been in contact with an ex or someone from the past? Try snooping on his social media first. Other than that I would possibly show up to his job to have lunch with him one day. See if anything is going on at work.

5 Likes

The difference between men & women is that women always need proof to know they are right. Men don’t. I’d just confront him.

1 Like

All the signs are there - why would you want to work on a relationship when trust is so hard to get back ? Just leave hon … good luck

4 Likes