I’m 26, and I have two children that I birthed myself and two that live with me full time as my husband has full custody of them. They call me mum, and they know no different. I also have a stepson that visits regularly. My question is I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again, and I’m terrified, I have a small 4-bed house with no garden, and I don’t know how to plan space-wise or anything, also how did other mummies find the transition to more, my daughter is one, and she is so clingy, and I am literally scared she won’t take this well I feel awful because this should be her time with us and I feel I’m taking it away from her? I work 40+ hours a week to pay for my family, and my husband works 30+ I’m so scared ill be judged or that I’m a bad parent for taking time away from my others or that I don’t have enough space. They’re all so young. Basically just looking for some words of wisdom or stories from others that are in similar situations.
Space has no place in your worries. Give each child all your love, they won’t care if the have to share a room or not. Housework is to be minimal as long as you spend quality time with your family. Being a single mom, my kids, when asked, said times we played games or went to the park, etc. were their best memories not that I had a big house or spotless one.
You’re not a bad parent at all! Don’t tell yourself that! Life throws things our way and we just have to learn how to live with new changes. I’m sure it’ll be hard at first, but everyone will adjust with time. Congrats by the way!!
Well first off, it’s not your job to worry what others have to say or think about you.
Let me ease your mind a little bit. I was a young mother 3 kids by the age of 16. 1st I was young dumb & stupid following 2 I was on birth control. I lived in a 2 bed 1 bath,That was now 25 years ago. I am now a mother of of 5 total 38 yrs old & I have a granddaughter. Who cares what people think. Everything that happens is in God’s hands.
I will pray for nothing but the best for you & your family. Be blessed & never stressed
Your a woman u got this
I loved sharing a room with my sister. I think it made us close. Congrats! It’ll all work out
you’ll be alright! just do what you can. start making lifestyle changes that will help set aside extra money… we decided it was beneficial for us after our 3rd that my spouse stays home (day care was ridiculous) and I work as much as I can, but also spend as much quality time as I can with the kids. we eat meals together every night we color and do crafts. my older 2 share a room and my youngest is with us. all us moms never know how we’re going to make it but we do. I say fake it til you make it!
I grew up with loads of siblings and loved it. Always had to share a room and always had someone to play with! Congratulations on your pregnancy and please don’t worry too much
I can’t speak from personal experience but my mom always said, “what you do for one, you do for all”…she had 9 kids
Don’t let anyone bring you down! You got this now you definitely got this with one more. Positive vibes your way!
I have 5. You take it day by day. You will be fine and there will be days where you will cry and laugh and want to rip your hair out but you will be okay.
Pray that God gives you direction…be patient and diligent in prayer. He says bring me your burden…
I am a male sixty six years old and I’m married and we have mine hers and ours. And we have always found a way. To love our children and grandchildren all you you can do is teach them right from wrong. And let them make their choices. Whether you agree or not. They will grow up and you will be proud of them. Be safe.
First step, stop worrying what others will think. Not their life. 🤷 Second, everything falls into place. I have a girls and due with my son the beginning of April. Each time I thought how am I going to do this?? You get into a routine and it all falls into place. Promise.
I grew up with 5 siblings in a small house. There just seems to be a way. We always loved getting a new sibling and we older ones helped to care for the younger ones. I am very close to my younger siblings.
Congratulations! I’m the youngest of 7. It was great growing up in a large family. We didn’t have much but each other and lots of love. My sister and I were in bunk beds in a tiny room. We shared our clothes. We are still very close. Kids are resilient. They will be fine as long as you love them.
God will give you the time! Remember the blessings. Somehow my Mom did 6
Lol girl don’t even worry I am having my 4th in a 2 bedroom townhouse with no basement . One big teenager and me with the 3 little ones in a room and 7-7:30 bed time still works
When my youngest niece was born. Three weeks after the brought her home, her older sister announced she was done playing with the new baby and they could return her. The kids adjust. You will adjust. The little one will adjust. Just remember not to judge yourself too too harshly. If they end each day alive and fed, count it a win. If you manage even more than that, could it a big win.
• Routine/schedule is your friend. If everyone knows what they need to do when, including a period of free time, life goes more smoothly.
• You can throw all the girls in one bedroom & all the boys in another. Tents & sleeping bags if you can’t afford bunks/mattresses from IKEA.
• Throw the tiny ones in the tub together or have older ones of the same sex shower at the same time to save hot water & time.
• Everyone does homework in blocks of time (older ones help younger ones & solidify their mastery of previous material), eats at least one meal together (maybe breakfast depending on activities).
• Enlist everyone’s help getting housework done. See if you can make it fun. Everyone has daily chores/responsibilities. Play x number of pieces of music & everyone should have their stuff put away and their chore(s) done by the time the music stops. It just delineates the time; no bonus for rushing through sloppily. The youngest can put toys in a box/bin, put clean clothes on a shelf or on her bed for you to hang up later, bring/hand you diapers and wipes, hold the bottle or pat baby’s back for burping, sing to the new baby, hold its hands or rub its feet, dust table and chair legs, put silverware and other unbreakables on the table or in the dishwasher, turn the pages of a picture book, put dirty clothes in a hamper, help load and unload the washer (if front loading, up to you if you want her to stand on a stepstool to toss dirty clothes in a top loader) and dryer, fold washcloths and hand towels and try to match socks. Put mop heads on their feet & let the kids squirt cleaner & mop the floors.
• Find stuff you can do as a family. Puzzle night can have several puzzles of varying difficulty appropriate for each age. Pass the new baby and one year old around so they don’t get bored. Take a walk with strollers for the tiniest and have a list of things to look for on the way (blue car, black rock, thorny leaf, a person wearing glasses and a hat, an out of state license plate, a house, white shutters, etc.). Go to a playground and have the older kids push the younger ones in a swing, older ones can kick a soccer ball or shoot hoops on a basketball court. Hit a fun museum, zoo, aquarium or natural feature near you. Check local sources for special programs/events/parades. Learn the latest dance together. Go swimming as a family with the tiny ones in swim diapers & water wings.
• Make sure you & dad have at least an hour of one-on one time with each child once a month, more often if doable.
• Simplify meal prep & get the kids to help. Pre-cut fruits, veggies, meal kits, maybe do stuff in blocks, like cut up onions, peppers & cooked chicken and freeze in containers to toss in recipes, make a ton of meatballs and freeze for spaghetti, Swedish meatballs, stroganoff, crumbled in tacos, lasagna, salads. Try to be healthy. Black bean soup on 90-second brown rice (I grate some fresh onion & squeeze fresh limes on top too) is a fast & easy dinner. Cheese, chicken or crumbled meatballs, those pre-cut peppers and onions tossed in a flour tortilla and topped with salsa & sour cream is easy quesadilla and add a bagged salad.
• Share carpooling to activities with other parents to ease the burden. I used to pick up all the scouts from 3 families from school, take them out for a cheap dinner (pizza, pasta, tacos, burgers), then to the meeting and drop them off at home afterwards. The next week another mom or dad would do it, and then the third mom/dad/grandparent would, so each family gets 2 weeks off duty.
• Told my son he couldn’t play another sport unless he found someone to drive him. We had a one-sport-per-kid per season and a no travel team rule. Just too crazy. Anything at school that didn’t involve driving all over was OK.
• For sports, the kids not on the team can cheer with pom poms from the dollar store or Oriental Trading, kick or toss balls on the sidelines or just run around away from the field/court. Mine liked visiting with the dogs and other parents and kids other families brought. Babies can nap in strollers, crawl on the grass, play in shade or sit in your lap.
• Expand your “village” as much as possible. Find lonely people of all ages who would welcome some noise and children in their lives. Look at work, church, retirement communities, neighbors, people on this forum or parents of only or other children looking for playmates, middle, high school and college kids, especially those in family life education and child development classes. Have them come one time where you stay home with them to see how it goes/if they can handle your brood.
• Don’t forget to budget for babysitters (you might need two at a time—get two teens who are friends) and nights out for you and the hubs at least once a month.
• I thought someone was extravagant for having a birthday at an Embassy Suites, but everyone piled into one suite (sleeping bags may be required) for a sleepover, they played in the pool to tire themselves out, ordered delivery pizza, & brought drinks, cake, paper goods. All got the free breakfast (your excuse to get them up, packed, dressed & picked up by the parents) in the morning and you leave any mess there (plus a tip for housekeeping). All in all, not bad! There’s even a happy hour for the grown ups, at least in non-pandemic times. If you can afford it, could be a fun family night for something different and special, as long as there’s a pool open & free breakfast (may be affected by COVID). Ask the hotel for the best days to do this when it won’t upset people there on business.
You have enough love to go around and that’s the most important. You’ll do fine, especially when pregnancy hormones settle down.