My partner and I have been together for a long time now; he has struggled to find employment and has no patience whatsoever in looking for work. He blames politics, immigrants, etc… Totally a different way of thinking that I am (he’s hardcore PC, I’m NDP) I’ve been employed the whole time and have basically supported both of us for all those years and recently we had a baby, and he finally got working for the first 6 months of their life and now he’s laid off and just seems to be irritated with everything. I am a very emotional person and once he gets pissed off or angry about certain things I do too, and I don’t like to talk about what I’m feeling, but I’m starting to feel fed up with his “poor me” and “blaming everyone else for his problems” attitude. He must know he’s not putting in the effort to find work, but he continues to say there’s no work. Its a daily struggle being the main moneymaker and constantly thinking about bills and rent, and I need to think of our baby, and I’m starting to look at him like he’s just another expense. I believe he could do more with baby and help out more with the house and I assume he would just know to help out and see me struggling and he just doesn’t unless I ask or make it obvious that I need help and then at the end of the day, expects/bugs for sex. What I do for work isn’t physically demanding but my mind gets tired, and I have no energy to have sex later when I’ve been with the baby all evening and then cleaned up the whole house… and the pill I’m on is affecting my sex drive which is just a side effect for now but when I’m not in the mood he’ll stay up all night and say its cause he couldn’t sleep but he uses sex to make him tired so I feel bad the next day because I wasn’t in the mood. Its also affecting my work, my boss is concerned and always asking about him and if he’s working, and has to make me financial advances just for me to get through the week. I am trying to convince me to be a single mother at the same time. I feel like I’m on the edge of a mental break down and I just want to avoid that so it doesn’t affect my baby or my job and finances. He’s a good dad when he can be, and I know when he wants to, he thrives, and I love him too much to hurt him and also know he can be better, but Idk what to do or say anymore. Any advice?
If he doesn’t work, he should take care of baby and house. If he don’t, it seems to hurt you. Why are you so afraid of hurting him if he Cleary don’t care about hurting you. Let him go. Have a beautiful life with your baby.
If he hasnt figured it out in this long time yall been together then id say boot the butt honey an go on your merry way
Just leave his lazy ass. Easy said than done but do it anyway. You will be much more happier.
Let me ask this: what does he do when he isn’t working? Is it stuff that is beneficial for your family and helpful? Or is he just lounging around a bitching about how hard it is to find a job? Honestly…dump him.
I would seek counseling to place that anger somewhere. As far as he goes… I would give him a deadline on finding and maintaining a job, or he has to leave. There is no reason he’s not helping out more seeing he isn’t working. Don’t be afraid to tell him you need a partner… not a man-child.
He’s just now starting to feel like an expense?! Quit being his free ride. You shouldn’t have ever had a baby with him, but there’s nothing you can do about that now. And you love your kid, so no regrets, right? But moving forward he needs to work or you need to leave him.
If he isn’t working and you are, he should be the one to take care of baby and sort the house/cleaning/cooking. He sure would expect you to if he was the one at work!
He sounds like he is very selfish, and shouldn’t be making you feel guilty for not having sex! He has hands doesn’t he?! He needs to grow up a bit.
I would give him a deadline to find a job, or at least start pulling his weight around the house. It cant all fall on you! If he doesn’t do one of those 2 things, I’d say you were better off alone. You are doing it all alone anyways! Xx
It’s time to sit down and have a very direct conversation about what’s expected and how you feel. Honestly, that’s enough to turn anyone off. If he’s depressed and needs help make sure he gets it. Honestly if you’re doing everything anyways, why keep him around?? He needs to shape up or ship out, you need a partner not a boat anchor around your neck.
Sometimes it can take a major break in the relationship to make a partner realize "I need to actually step up ". I’ve had to do it. It’s the hardest thing in the world to actually leave but was so worth it for me and I have no regrets. Things are much different today because he came to learn I wouldn’t tolerate it. Good luck.
Send him to Labour Ready… paid daily.
If he is home then the needs to be doing all the house cleaning and caring for baby and if he doesn’t want to do that then it’s time to get off butt and get a job. They are it there he just had to put in the effort to find out. If he can’t grow up and be responsible then you may be better off as a single parent and yes you can do it.
He is another expense…put him out. He will sink or swim to he with you. That’ll prove his love.
Kick him to the curb. Been there done that. Move on with your life.
Sit down and talk to him. Tell him until he finds a job, his job is the house. Cook,clean,laundry and taking care of baby. If he says no then I would say then u need to leave cause your a not willing to help in this relationship then I dont need you here. You need a partner not someone that’s going to be a baby about everything. You already have one to raise. He needs to grow a pair and man up.
He is just lazy…there is work out there, you just have to go out there and look, it won’t land on your laps. He’s not working, he doesn’t help with the baby or the home…but he expects sex, food, water, and a roof over his head??? You have got him used to doing absolutely nothing and it’s time you let it be known that he needs to shape up or move out…you are doing it all alone anyways, you don’t need any help to do bad, you can do bad all on your own!!! Get rid of this extra weight and I assure you that you will feel sooooo relieved! Good luck
Tough love, tell him to step up and help or step out!
you need to put your foot down… there are temp agencies, daily work agencies… he needs to go apply… and he needs to step up as dad and help with kids and around the house … explain if he dont… hes gunna have to go…
Tell him to get a damn job or your gone, otherwise you’ll always be taking care of him. He should be taking care of you and your baby. Nothing pisses me off more than a man like this. I’ve been down that road and never again
Being a single mom with one less mouth to feed is easier and far more peaceful than supporting a man-child. Sorry… He’s dead weight. Cut him loose. If he straightens up and gets his shit together maybe you can try again with explicit boundaries. Otherwise, he’s gonna sink and he’s taking you with him. Hugs.