I’m starting to lose interest in my husband, are my reasons justified?.. LONG post so bear with me. My husband not to long ago was an over the road trucker three months out one week home, he recently got offered a position making double the money as a dispatcher in an office setting except he now will be home every weekend and have his own apartment four hours away from home in Chicago (he’s already got it and is moved in). I thought that this job was going to give us more time together, but instead, it’s giving us less time to communicate throughout the day (which is a big deal because that’s all we got) and then he goes home and talks for very little and then it’s the same thing all over again… Tonight it got brought up about me coming over, but then right away, he told me no because he wasn’t going to be dealing with the kids (ages 2 & 3 and obviously would have stayed the night). I was really hurt by the comment because I don’t have that choice whether or not I want to deal with the kids even if they can be a pain.￼I just feel like he’s enjoying this whole new life but also likes the idea of being married and having a home with a family and only having to deal with it when he wants. I feel like I am somebody he calls when he gets bored and somebody he’s obligated to come home to because he’s built this life with me and does the bare minimum to keep this relationship together; I feel like there’s little to no interest in his part. Anytime I bring up how I feel or ask him if something else is going on, he gets defensive and just turns everything around on me; after a while, the subject is just dropped, and the Conversations carry on. At this point, I don’t even feel like I am in a marriage, let alone a relationship; I just feel like I’m living in a temporary house with a fuck buddy that comes by every so often with no routine when he is home just trying to tell me how to parent… there have been very few times I have upped and left previous relationships even with him at one point, and truly did it because I was done, felt like I deserved more, deserved better, felt like I was only in it in hopes of recovering what could be or once was… so I eventually gave up and left, I’m on the verge of doing that again, what do I do?
I see why you would feel this way. Explain to him how you feel, do something to find that spark, even if it is skype dates. Distance should make the heart grow fonder. But it takes two!
It sounds like he is living his own life.
Has his own apartment, doesn’t communicate, and won’t let you come over… oh there’s nothing fishy going on there
hes your husband you don’t need permission to show up at the apartment with the kids just go. What’s he gonna do
Sounds like he is living a second life. If you are not happy, have discussed it, then move on.
Sounds like you already have the answers you need lovie. Just go ahead and move on yourself.
Send me some pictures. I might be able to help you
Go he is having his life you have yours
Marriage counseling or at the minimum counseling for yourself to help you sort out your stress about the situation. If it eventually comes to divorce he’s not gonna enjoy paying that child support or alimony, so that may influence him to reevaluate his attitude towards you and the kids and family life.
Leave honey. Sounds like he checked out a long time ago. And you truly do deserve better…
BYE. no you’re a single mom with a bitch of a husband. you’re doing it on your own be on your own. he’s making extra good money support payments will help and your mental health will get better. not wanna see his kids wtf that right there is more than enough reason to leave imo
I would do one of two things.
Option 1, I would move in. If my husband got a job 4 hours away, we would move there as a family.
Or option 2, move on. If he didn’t want to be a family I would make one without him.
He has his own house?!!?he has another wife
He is with someone else living a double life
I would go with out telling him sounds like he has his own life
I would make a surprise visit
He’s obviously doin him , you do you!
He has his own apartment that he doesn’t want you and the kids visiting? You do realize he’s cheating on you, right?
Definitely leave!! What you said is probably exactly what’s happening. They call us women “crazy” for trusting our intuition and calling people out on their shit but 9 times out of 10 it’s true! Anyways, i think you should leave because that doesn’t sound like love at all.
Doesn’t sound like a healthy marriage. Sounds like he wants his cake and eats it too
Girl, I’m gonna give it to you straight… Your husband has another woman that he’s living with and although you’re the wife, he’s treating you like the side chick.
He doesn’t want to “deal with the kids”? Leave. Those are his kids too.
Sounds like the 2 of you were given a opportunity to be a normal family. Stable single location job should mean the family moves unless you have your own career where you are. If not move in. And if he’s not on board with that then you shouldn’t be married. Sounds like he wants his “freedom” during the week without strings attatched such as a family.
Just show up unannounced to find out for yourself what is going on. Than make your decision. You deserve better and a family never lives in seperate homes. It is not fair to you or the kids.
Push through it. Every relationship goes through it but you’ll come out stronger.
Hire a detective.
He deserves to get f#####
what does your gut tell you…?? Because 9 times out of 10 your gut feeling is ALWAYS right.
Leave and find happiness
Show up unannounced
I feel like you already know what you what to do but need reassurance it’s the right thing for you. Girl, you deserve so much better than that and so do the kids. Good luck
I don’t understand why you didn’t just move 4 hours away with him…
Show up and find out
If you’re truly done, be done. You have expressed your concerns about the marriage and he hasn’t fixed it. But if you’re not 100% done, just take a step back
Surprise visit, just show up and sit outside for awhile, watch see what you see, because it sounds like he’s up to no good.
No mention of him actually taking Time out to be a farther!!!
Tell him to buck his ideas up or jog on… ur being totally mugged off. Do not waste ur life with someone who doesnt want a family with u and his own kids …
Go down to Chicago and surprise him… he will love it
I think then u will know all u need to know to move on … Good luck x
Please dont be a naive woman. This man is clearly leading a double life. Obviously you’re his wife but in the end you dont matter to him anymore sadly n he likes this new single kid free wife free life out there. Surprise him if you know which place he stays at n go knock on that door
Definitely show up unannounced! Im sure you’ll know what to do from there.
Save yourself the hurt and move on
I would show up with kids diapers bottles strollers and all! He’s nuts!
Make plans for his next “weekend visit” as soon as he gets there just leave him with the kids and ghost him until its time for him to go back to work!
See how he likes that shit!
Road Trip… I’d be there at his apartment regardless
Honey hes done left you
He left you. File for divorce.
Why can’t you move where he is? Then you can work on your marriage, which doesn’t sound like much of a marriage at this point if he was gone for 3 months at a time. Otherwise, get out of the relationship now while the kids are small.
Get a place for all of you and live where he is.
My husband is over the road truck has been for 9 years. The longest he has been on the road has been 2 weeks tops. You need to take a road trip he isn’t living there alone!
I hate to say this because you have very young children but it sounds like he has someone else. Do your homework, confront him and divorce his
I was close with someone who went through almost this exact situation… She ended up realizing she wanted more from her marriage and life and moved on, they split, her and the kids (3) moved, she ended up meeting an amazing guy, got married and is happy and got what she wanted. Never settle, if you’re not happy, do what you gotta do.
Sounds like there is away more to this. I’m all for communication and trust but sounds like trust is going and for good reason and he won’t communicate. I would want to see for myself what’s going on. Surprise him at his new place. Get a sitter and go. Or he’ll take the kids with u. Don’t make a scene in front of them but do what u gotta to get answers or closure. But understand u may find out something u don’t want to see but need to.
Move to where he is and be a family…
He left a long time ago.
Even better ask him for a key to his apartment. I mean he has a key to your house. Tell him you don’t feel the need to make an appointment to pop in and see him with your children. Tell him you’d like to just surprise him sometimes show up on Friday and spend the weekend with him and the kids. Number one I bet you he doesn’t want you to have a key. Number two he doesn’t want you there with the kids because he’s afraid the other woman will pop up. Number three get your ducks in a row find a good divorce lawyer. You are no doubt undoubtedly being played for a fool. While you sit home Faithfully waiting he’s living the life you deserve
I would let him. Go
Unannounced road trip would be my go to you shouldn’t have to ask if you can come
Come with the kids and surprise him be ready to stay a week or so and then tell him your moving in with him cus you had enough of the long distance marriage and be serious about it and observe his reactions
Put your foot down! You did not have those kids on your own. You have fallen into a role that you gladly took up and he got used to. You need to shake his foundation and how he sees a family and give him ultimatums. First plan and get yourself financially protected. Have a back up plan for when you put your foot down. Follow through and make sure he knows you mean business. Just because hes comfortable doesn’t mean he has someone else. Don’t allow him to think that just because he works he shouldn’t do his part to nurture those kids. Your family sounds young and you need to get that whip out lady.
Is there a reason you didn’t all move together as a family? Before assuming he’s cheating I’d find a way to show up unannounced to see what’s up. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. This is not a healthy relationship. If you find no signs of cheating than I think you either have to find a way to live together full time or move on. This living 4 hrs from each other is obviously not working.
I think that for me personally, the living arrangements and questionable fidelity wouldn’t be the issue here, the issue would be that he doesn’t want to “deal” with the kids. The second he made that genuine comment I would be done. It seems he feels as though his children are an obligation instead of a blessing. It seems that your home is a responsibility instead of his happy place and for me, that would tell me exactly what I needed to know.
Why didn’t you move with him?
Road trip and show up or ask for a key. That sounds hella fishy.
Try to find someone to take the kids for 1 night. Then go to where he lives, camera in hand and wait. I would worry about taking the kids not knowing what could happen. Yelling, etc. My Mom remarried and he was just like her husband!! Except he went to Arizona for work. She finally caught on but…best find out while children are young.
Hes definitely cheating… just go there… see what happens, you have every right to be there! Im sorry that you have to go through this… divorce is your next step! You pretty much seem to be a single mom anyways just get a job… you are strong and deserve the world!
Sounds like a horrible relationship. He doesn’t want to be “dealing with the kids”? Hell no.
It honestly sounds like he’s living a double life. I’ve seen dozens of Lifetime movies with this exact plot line. I’d ask a relative to babysit the kids while I go up there and visit “unannounced”…or take a friend with you and do a stakeout for a few hours and watch him. I’m crazy though I bet then you’d find out all you need to know.
The fact that he “doesn’t wanna deal” with the kids is PLENTY.
LEAVE. what kind of man would act that way. Fuck that noise. Men go for what they want. If he isn’t going for it, you, your family, he doesn’t want it.
Save yourself and your kids
I wouldn’t waste my time trying to catch him I’d be straight forward I’m not happy with relationship I have explained what I did not like you did not try to make a change I want a divorce Don’t get stuck in a comfort zone you know what you deserve drop the man find one that wants to spend every minute with you the possibilities are endless of how much better things can get when you know what you want and deserve
I would file for divorce and move on…you deserve better. The part where you said he didn’t wanna deal with his own children was where I was like whoa ok that is enough info for me to say he checked out a long time ago.
Sadly over the road truckers adapt to bachelor lives. And have troubles getting out of it. My brother was the same way. I hope you can figure out whats best for your family
Eewwww… You know what you should do. He isn’t in this marriage and that’s sad. Anyone deserves better than this. You deserve better than this. He wants to live single let him do it.
Okay something isn’t right. If he got offered a job in a different location why the two homes? Y’all are married and should be living together. Sounds like he is living a double life.
He gets defensive and turns everything around on you yeah new apartment and new life soon new wife as this happened to me just like its happening to you good luck
Show up and see if it changes anything. Completely unannounced. Then if he’s the same after you show up, leave.
Take video that way when you get a divorce, you have proof.
Id just leave he will pay alimony and child support whether he wants to be bothered with them or not YOU find happiness! Walk away and do NOT feel bad about it!
Is that seriously what you want the kids to do in a relationship when their being treated like shit you already got your answer why even ask for others thoughts you know what you need to do it’s that simple leave the peace of shit
Excellent question a few others brought up. If he’s off the road, why the two homes??? Why aren’t you and the children moving with him??? That part doesn’t make sense.
Move to Chicago and keep your family under one roof. If you still feel the same then reevaluate your marriage at that point.
So he just packed up and said I’m moving to Chicago and didn’t once say come when you are ready? Sounds like something else is going on.
Why aren’t you with him in a new home where he gets to come home everyday??
You are in it alone honey… Do what makes YOU happy…
Honey, he just sounds very suspicious. I’m not the betting type, but if I was, I’d bet money another woman is involved. If there is, don’t take ot out on her. 100% chance, she has no idea you and the kids exist.
My advice, hire a PI, because if you go yourself, it could get ugly and dangerous quick.
Sounds like he’s definitely living a double life. Him getting on the defensive is a red flag. Not wanting you to stay with him. Move on, your on your own now so it won’t be as hard as you think. Good luck.
He’s not dealing with the kids??? Buh bye.
Weird. Weird. Weird. The whole situation.
Erm my first thought was no get out he’s not bothered upon reading to the end however I’d be inclined to think more was going on I’m sorry your going through this but do what you need for you x
I’m sorry but you have too many red flags… he doesn’t want you to visit him??? He sounds like has a whole other life and probably has another woman in the picture. I would surprise visit him so you can know fir sure. If he isn’t cheating it’s still very suspect the way he is treating you, you don’t deserve that. You deserve a full time partner.
Do what you want to do but start enjoying yourself
I believe when in love, the absence of the heart grows fonder. And that would make love making greater.
I’m starting to loose interest in my husband UPDATE AND ANWSERED questions: First things first me and my husband have both done some things that have made us question each other‘s trust and with how he’s acting I do feel maybe he could be becoming distant because there could be somebody else in the picture…
why not move? My husband and I own the home we currently live in and have a few financial problems going on that are causing us to not move at this current point in time to a place closer to his job.
Why not go stay at his apartment? It’s not just his apartment he finally did get two other male roommates who work with him and his company pays for this apartment for people like my husband who do live further away from home but work in the city and can’t afford nor want to drive 8 hours a day getting to and from work… (however I was really upset by the comment he had made about not wanting me and the kids over because before the second roommate recently moved in it was just him so the issue didn’t come from the fact that he had other people to think about)…
My post wasn’t necessarily about not trusting my husband or assuming that he’s living a double life with another woman yet enjoying this second life without dealing with all the responsibilities he has and showing little to no interest and puts no effort in when it comes to communicating especially when that’s all we have 90% of the time… I do appreciate the feedback but maybe with a little more insight some of the feedback might be different and you ladies could help me out with some different recommendations on what I should do. TIA.
Well JEEZE it sounds like you’re BASICALLY doing it alone already. A marriage is soo much more than just that. It is a bond. It’s growing through this life together and building together and being together in all types of situations. How would he feel if you divorced him and basically it was exactly the same but now half his paycheck is taken out and you can be free to find your own life. Idk I always think it’s so silly when some men do this. Sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. You deserve to feel like you’re in a real marriage and have a true partner.
He has already left so you might as well finish the break. You and your kids deserve so much more and better. I wished I had now,I have kids that no longer talk to me and have problems in relationships. Don’t let it happen to you, get out now
Whatever your heart tells you to do. Just make yourself Happy!
He doesnt want to “deal” with his own kids??? RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG
Defense mode is “fight or fly” and turning this is on you is a sign it’s him and it’s not a good sign - to turn you and your children down to coming to spend time with him is a major red flag - go with your gut feelings sweetie - if he’s content being away from you and his children then so be it bc there is a man out there that is more than willing to love you all unconditionally - good luck in whatever choice you make and God Bless you and those babies.
Turn all the he’s in this to you’s and let him read it…you’re a much stronger person than I am because I would of done kicked his ass to the curb…
Leave.he probably has another family anyway.
you have one life…its not a rehearsal…your gutt will tell you what to do…just listen to it…my gutt instinct has always been right…xxx
I wouldn’t put up with this i would tell him straight and if he dont like it hes already got another place so bye bye