I am struggling with the fact that I chose not to breastfeed: Advice?

I just want to find out if other women have struggled through the feeling of judgment for choosing not to breastfeed. I had a c section with my first child, and my milk didn’t come in until about five days after she was born, but they had her latching and trying to feed immediately, and it caused so much pain and misery for me. Finally, I broke down and just went to bottle feeding. I felt like a failure. My breast hurt so much, my nipples were just raw and would bleed, and she didn’t latch right, and I didn’t know how to deal with it and felt like it was my first huge failure as a mother, but as time went on, I stopped being so hard on myself. I never really wanted to breastfeed, it was always more of an expectation from society than something I ever wanted, I’ve always had sensitive breast and been very weird about showing my breast or them being touched, even in my relationship. So it was just miserable for me. I am 3 weeks from the baby day with #2 (another c section), and I do not want to breastfeed. I honestly don’t even want to pretend that I want to breastfeed. I just want to skip it altogether and again; I just feel like that makes me suck as a momma. I’ve suffered antepartum depression horribly through this pregnancy and can already tell that I will suffer postpartum, and I just don’t want to go through all the pain and heartache I went through before. I just want to be honest and not be shamed for my choice. My mother didn’t ever breastfeed, and a lot of women in my family struggled with it as well, but some of the older women in my family expect me to do it because of how they were taught, and I just don’t like all the pressure and judgment. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the expectations society puts on you and not feel guilty for making decisions that are best for your mental health? I don’t want to be bashed for the choice, or I wouldn’t be asking how to cope with judgment, so please, be kind. Thank you guys


I had no desire to breastfeed. Didn’t even make an attempt and you know what I’m okay with that. This whole breast feeding vs formula is just over done. As long as that baby is fed your doing fantastic. After all a happy mom is good for baby also and if breastfeeding makes you miserable your baby is gonna feel that.


Proud mumma of 3 formula and bottle feed babies. When people had something I say about it my answer was it’s my child not your so mind your business


As an L&D nurse and CLC, my advice is always to do what is best for your mental health. But also note, your breast milk doesn’t come in until 5 days, normally. However, if you don’t want to, then don’t. No reason to feel guilty.


Absolutely not. You are a great mother, because FED is best, whether it’s a boob or a bottle. When you go in to your next appointment let them know that you are not planning to breast feed and let them know you will need formula(if the hospital you go to provides it until you go home, mine does!) When baby finally comes, just remind them you are not going to breastfeed. If the nurses or doctors get pissy, simply let them know that it is your choice and you would like them to support it. If I had a nurse constantly try to push it or get rude about it, I’d ask for a different nurse. Dont EVER let anyone make you feel bad about the choices you make for you and your child. As long as baby is being fed, it doesnt matter the method. Good luck with your new arrival, and prayers for a safe delivery and speedy recovery! :two_hearts:


relax- 40 years ago women propped bottles so they could light their Marlboro and drink tab with rum.


Don’t feel guilty…I have 3 children never breastfed. They thrived on formula. I too always had very sensitive breasts. Do what’s right for you.


I couldn’t breastfeed as I never made milk. My five kids ate formula just fine and are happy smart and healthy.


1st off breast feeding is HARD! its so natural butbhurts like hell! (Eventually it doesnt hurt) however A fed baby is best… was ur baby fed? And had a full belly? :clap::clap: good job momma job well done.


Nope baby was fed that’s what matters


Fed is best! Doesn’t matter, formula, bottle, or breast. As long as you and baby are happy and healthy, that’s all that matters :heart: it’s your baby, your business.


As long as your baby is fed, that’s all that matters.


As a breastfeeding mother the only bad thing you could do for your child is not feed them. Fed is best!!! Formula feed if that’s what you want to do because a happy baby starts with a happy and well mama.

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When I first read-it I read it as I chose not to be Breast-fed, LOL

Take a deep breath, let it out. Remind yourself that taking care of YOU is just as important as taking care of your baby, and then do what you decide is best. When things get frustrating, I’d smile blandly at the offending person and think on this: Opinions are like a**holes - everybody’s got one and many of them are sh*tty.

When i had my oldest i wanted to breastfeed.
He was bandaged. Had a broken arm. A severe nerve injury causing paralysis on the other. Breastfeeding while he was getting glucose drip was fine. But his IV shifted…it had to be taken out and they couldn’t get another line. Colostrum wasn’t enough. His blood sugar kept dropping. He was lethargic and jaundice. They were talking about sending him to a children’s hospital when i decided to give formula.
It helped. The first day or so he has to have a tube down his nose because he was too lethargic to eat.
I planned to pump and combo feed. At 1 weeks i was lucky to get 5oz from both breasts in a 24 hour period. I spent more time with the pump than i did with him…and slowly just started stopping…because it wasn’t worth it. All those precious moments i was missing…was causing a lot of depression and anxiety for me and a cranky baby for him.
At 1.5 months he was diagnosed with milk allergy and i gave it up completley. The guilt…was awful all the way around. If i hadn’t forced breastfeeding he wouldn’t have gotten so sick but breastfeeding was supposed to magically cure his nerve injury (lactation consultant bullshit)
With my second i went straight to formula. He had none of the issues my oldest did and while it might have been slightly different I’m not sure it would have.

I’ve pretty much taken a f–k you attitude about breast is best because my experiences say other wise. Both of my kids are healthy. They’re both bonded to me.

Babies do just fine on formula! No worries!


Girl u are not a failure I started breastfeeding with both of my kids n for me the latching was hard both times so I stopped within days with my first the second I just started pumping it was better than breastfeeding but I stopped n switched to formula which might I add is so much better taking care of a newborn is already hard as long as the baby eats and is full that is all that matters and oh fuck society do what’s best for u !!:blush:

if ur fear is just the pain u go thru try pumping only and feeding bby from the bottle…if u pump the same way u wd breast feed u should have enough milk within a few days without needing formula. the reason why ur nipples hurt n get cracked is bcz bby isnt latching on properly. try the WIC lactation program. they will help u so much! i was making one little mistake that cost me so much pain and they corrected it for me n that was it! best of luck!

As long as the baby is fed is all that matters. Breast or formula. By the time they’re 3 they’re all eating chicken nuggets and fries anyway lol.

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