I am the oldest sibling and need advice!

I’m a fifteen-year-old and the oldest of five children. One is 13 and he’s special needs, one eight-year-old and two toddlers. We all go to school virtually because we can’t risk my brothers health. Being the oldest, it’s my position to step up and help out around the house. I am also in high school, so I’m trying to balance 8hr lives a day and 2hr homework before bed and leaving the time in between to help out. I don’t see friends or family because of the COVID, and my father supports all of us while my mother does her best to take care of four needy kids. My issue is that my family seems to think it is okay for me to be an adult when it comes to their benefit, and I’m a child when they decide. I’m supposed to watch my siblings if my parents have to go somewhere, which is completely fine because it’s my job as the oldest. But when my parents come back an hour or so later and I try to get one of my siblings to listen, it’s suddenly a problem because I am not the adult. Am I just being irrational because I feel that I never know if it’s okay for me to state my opinion when it comes to anything?

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You schould calmly explaine this to them

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It’s not your job to be responsible for them ever

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First off it’s great that you take that kind of responsibility, it’s a lot to do for someone your age. Be assured none of it is your job, none of it. There’s a lot of situations that parents rely too heavily on older kids. With that being said, talk to them about it and br calm.

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It’s not your JOB to watch your siblings but it’s a very nice gesture that you do so to help your parents. My kids are 7, 7 and 9. I would explain this to your parents; that if they expect you to have some authority over younger siblings that they need to see your side of things too. It’s only fair :blush:

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You need to voice your opinion that’s a big load to handle and they shouldn’t be leaving you with three kids one of which has special needs. You have too much on your plate

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Parenting your siblings is not your job! You need to tell your parents how you feel. This definitely need to happen! You are 15 and should be focusing on school and bettering yourself, not being a third parent when they see it fit.

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Wow. Good for you. If I was your parent I’d be so very proud . You have a lot on your plate! I’d tell them exactly how you feel while of course being respectful. ask what their expectations are of you because those lines are kind of blurred.

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You are not irrational, your feelings are valid and you have every reason to feel this way. I think they are putting too much on your plate. You are still a child (a mature one but still just a kid). You shouldn’t have to take on that much responsibility. I think it’s awesome that you step in when they need you to but you shouldn’t be placed from one tier to the next in responsibility once they come home. It’s not only confusing for you but confusing for your younger siblings too. Eventually they might feel like they don’t have to listen to you when Mom & Dad aren’t home. I think you should have a discussion with whichever parent you have a stronger bond with and think will validate and understand where you are coming from and feeling.

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Your life sounds a lot like mine. Can I just say good job on helping out with the kiddos. My sister which is the baby is in school right now to be an FBI agent every time we get back together she always says thank you for all of the things that I have done to help her grow. At the time I was not happy to have I was mad because it was my parents job. But they will be grateful later. As far as everything else goes I was always treated like a kid until I was her babysitter their housekeeper and the hall monitor LOL. It is not fair and you should not have to go up so fast. Day one of eight children I just wanted to let you know that I understand and that I am thinking of you today. Your feelings and opinions do matter. And you are going to make an amazing parent one day. I now raise 3 kids alone and I don’t know why I did not pay attention when I was a child to how hard it was to raise these children. Use these years of your life as a stepping stone to becoming amazing adult.

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All I can say is WOW. I don’t know you personally but just reading this paragraph you seem so mature and very responsible for your age! If you were my child I would be SO proud of you! :heart: You definitely have a good head on your shoulders & will go far ! :heart:

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Nope just the opposite, as I appreciate your maturity and willingness to help out ,With that being stated you are still a Kid. And in No way as a parent of a 10year old special needs child do I feel its OK for that particular responsibility to be put on you! My advice is to Calmly and respectfully go to the parent you feel comfortable talking to and show them this post, but more importantly the RESPONSES. KUDOS to you for reaching out Kiddo, Your parents are incredibly LUCKY to have such a Team player in their corner. Much love Crosby TX

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Ok, so here is my perspective. I am the mother of four. My oldest (son) is 16, almost 17. He is a great kid, really responsible and doesn’t mind helping me out. He watches his siblings (13,11, and 8) if my husband and I have to go out. The two youngest have asthma so we are being careful with covid as well. We do not have to go out every day and we also make school a priority for everyone, 16 year old included! Anyway, because my oldest HAS to watch his siblings sometimes he has what we call “parental privilege”. He knows the house rules and if he is the one to catch one of his siblings breaking them, regardless of if we are home or not, his punishment stands. Which is usually a "timeout in your room for x number of minutes thing. We know that we cannot undermine his authority in front of the kids if we have to rely on them to listen to him when we need him to babysit. It’s that simple. Try talking to your parents about it in a calm way. They should understand. :blush:

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You are an amazing young person! If your parents are not listening to you try another voice write it all out in a letter for them to read it sometimes opens people up to conversation more

Wow is this post real I find it unlikely that 15 year old is venting on a mamas uncut page if it is then you need to get over it your not a baby anymore and that’s what families do think how your parents feel do you have a safe place to sleep food on the table there are a lot of kids out there that are worse off I get the stress I grew up the same it’s tough but hey life is tough and when you have a family of your own you will understand

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Your mum needs to read this post my dear. Or please write down how your feeling; I’m sure she would understand and she would then explain she doesn’t mean to put you in those positions xx

Honesty and communication is key in every relationship wether it’s family, friends or someone you love. Be open about how you feel and you will see and feel the weight be lifted from your shoulders xx

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You ARE NOT THE PARENT! They need to step up and take care of you kids. You still ARE A CHILD! You didn’t decide to have your siblings. Yes its ok to watch them once in a blue moon BUT you need to be a teenage kid too. I have alit of children and all of mine go with me wherever I go unless its for a quick trip. But I am the parent not my older kids. Thwy help out only when I ask and thats not very often because they need a life too as do you.

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Wow! For 15yr old, you got grammar, spelling correct and in sentences too!:scream: I am impressed by the adult that you will become. As to your question, it’s not your job to parent your siblings. You will need to have a quiet word with whichever parent you feel you can open up to, usually mother will listen and then she go tell father about your concerns. I’ve been in your situation and I now understand how my parents did their parenting🤦:rofl: You can only get your siblings to listen when the parents aren’t there, cos they gave you that mandate. When they are back, you go back to being their kid​:blush: so if you need the siblings to listen, you tell a parent🤷 If your siblings are not listening to you when the parents are out, you tell the parents when they are back and it’s their responsibility to discipline their kid (your sibling) as they see fit. I was only seen as an adult by my parents when I left home for Uni.🤦:rofl: My siblings have come to appreciate my part in their raising up (we’re all adults now with families) :heart::blush:

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You need to let your parents read this! Be super proud of yourself for stepping up, this post alone shows a level of maturity i would love to see in my kids one day!

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What a well spoken 15 year old.

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