I am torn between going back to work and staying home with my son: Advice?

How have you dealt with, not working, and staying at home/being dependent on your husband after having a baby? I have always been very independent, gotten myself everything I have wanted. I lived alone since I was 19 until I turned 22, after that my husband and I lost our daughter at five months pregnant and it took a while for me to bounce back. Months later I started a job at home, and I was very happy with it. I found out I was pregnant with my son shortly after, kept my job a few months, but unfortunately, I found out I have extremely complicated pregnancies, and this put me on bed rest for five months straight; I ended up getting out of my job. My son is almost four months old now he’s exclusively breastfeeding, and I feel so so worthless. Anything I want to get/need, I have to run it by my husband, he’s usually okay, but this still really bothers me. I understand why questions some things I’d like to buy, but I can’t help but remember how good I felt when I didn’t have to ask anyone for anything. Marriage is hard after a baby, and this issue is just making it worse. I want to go back to work, but my country is shit when it comes to breastfeeding laws, and I know this is important for my child, and he was a 34-week preemie. I’m so confused and conflicted because I don’t really want to leave my son.

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Can you go back to working from home?

I went back to work wheb my daughter was 5 months because im the same way but then i started kicking myself when i wasnt there to see her millestones and had to see them through the phone :confused: its a catch 22 no matter what you decide honestly. Thats how i feel anyways

I worked long hours for 20 years and felt like I missed out on so much of my daughters childhood…I promised myself I wouldn’t do that with my son. If you are capable as a family for you to stay home…I’d say do it…they are only little once.

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Are you able to work from home again?

I didn’t want to leave my son either but it’s important for your mental health. Not only that, but from my experience, when you rely too much on a man and they feel pressured they tuck tail and run. I work part time, still see my son most of the time, have my own money and feel way better about myself. If you are afraid about jobs and breastfeeding, find a job that will let you work short shifts. They even now have hand and wire free pumps so you don’t have to take a break and pump. They just go right in your bra. Everyone is different but whatever you decide is best for your family, you should never feel guilty for!

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I’d work from home if possible! I used to feel that way. I worked at a nursing home and I loved taking care of my residents but I started working 16 and 24 hour shifts and it got in the way of me being a mom. When I quit I felt absolutely useless. I started making a list of stuff to do every day and its helped A LOT. I see everything I’ve accomplished that day on top of being a mom. It’s a huge adjustment and you just have to find victories in the little things. Or if you guys can do it I recommend maybe taking some online classes. You’re not worthless, i promise.

I work part time and stay home w my daughter that way. Maybe find a part time job?i never have to ask to get things that may be apart of the issue? Large items I ask out of respect (which isn’t often) but I don’t need permission to buy a shirt or go to dinner with friends. Figure out what breastfeeding saves on formula and the savings with daycare and say that’s my contribution.

I enjoy not workout full time because it’s not time I can get back so if you can swing it I would say go for it

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I relied on my previous husband to provide and then was forced to stay in an unhappy marriage for several years before I was financially able to leave. I’d NEVER rely on anyone to support me and my children again. I did miss things when they were little, but I wouldn’t change it. I think this is a personal decision that really varies from person to person, family to family.

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Stay home and work with your baby bean.

It’s worth the sacrifice to stay home. Peace of mind knowing your seeing their milestones first.

Knowing their getting held when ever they feel the need for comfort.

I am a stay at home mom of 4 kids. Not married (by choice) Don’t get me wrong I rather be off being independent when it comes to buying things past our needs.

But I can do that once my kids are in school :slight_smile:

So I tried going back to work, but babysitters weren’t reliable so I made the decision to stay home. I did this for a year. I hated being completely dependent on him for everything, because I was so used to having my own money, it was weird having to run everything by him before buying stuff. Eventually I just went back to school and then went back to work after having baby #2

I went to work after 6 weeks with both my kids. It was wrenching to leave the kids but it’s important to not HAVE to depend on a man for everything in case something happens.

I would put a sign on the ladies room door that said “do not disturb until X:XX time & pump away, pumps affixed to both breasts. It wasn’t ideal, but I made it work. Like when donating blood, drinking a ton of water in advance helps it go faster.

Could you work part time? Could you work from home or do so for the majority of the time? Chances are you will second-guess yourself no matter what you do, but really there are no bad choices, just different ones.

Could you work a couple hours in the evenings when your husband is home from work? Maybe in between feedings so you don’t have to worry about pumping? Where I live a lot of daycares hire someone to come in and clean after they close. Its usually a three hour a night job. Maybe something like that?

Ive been an exclusive stay at home mom for 12 years now. My 2nd pregnancy was so hard that working wasnt an option and it just made sense to stay home with both kids after he arrived. I may not have an outside job but Im the one that pays the bills and makes sure we all have what we need and what we want. Ive never had to run purchases by my husband unless it would really mess with our bank accounts (think 500+ dollars or more). With a breastfeeding baby, why not just take the baby with you when you go out? Most places have feeding areas now, and if all else fails there is always the car. If you want to work then look into another at home type job or start pumping so you have a stock built up if you work outside the home. You have so many options!

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If you can afford it just stay home. My hubby gave me an allowance every week to spend on me and gave me extra when kids needed diapers or wipes. I always had a hard time spending money on myself especially when I know the kids needed things so wasn’t really a problem.

Honey change your thoughts! You are doing the most important job in the world~ Birthing & raising a tiny human!
Personally I would try to get that Work at Home job back & stay with my child. Then you have money coming in & you are with your baby like you want.
As far as buying things, & asking, maybe set an agreement that anything under $50 can just be bought if bills are paid & its either needed or a want for a good reason. Anything over $50 you wait until a conversation can be had about it. & once you start bringing in money again, keep the same agreement in place as a "marriage agreement’ & that might help you feel little less like you are dependent on him.

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I just started working a few weeks ago, my boyfriend and i decided id wait til after our daughter was a year old to start working, and she is, shes about 15 months and its hard. I hate being away from her so much. My shifts usually arent any longer than 8 hours, but it still sucks. Shes having a hard time adjusting to being home with only her dad during the week (he works 12 hour shifts Saturday-Monday so i always have those days off), but shes doing better slowly. Shes also been exclusively breastfed since birth, and its been really hard to get her to take breast milk out of anything but my breasts, but she eats regular food and drinks juice so i know its not a huuuge deal that she doesnt have it during the day.

I didn’t feel guilty about staying home the first year of her life at all! The cost of daycare would have cancelled out me working full time anyways. My now ex-husband and I agreed to me working part-time versus full time on the opposite schedule of what he was working. It was okay for 3 years. Ultimately we divorced, but at least I was there for all of her firsts, and her and I still (she’s 8) are very close.

I stayed at home and then went back to work and I would give anything g to be back at home. I miss the park, the holding, the quiet moments that are not rushed. I miss the library and how much joy I had with them.

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