I am trying to have a bond with my daughter and grand daughter: Advice?

Hi, I’m writing because my 20-year-old daughter just had a baby on February 5th. She lives with her boyfriend and his parents right next door to me. How convenient, right? She won’t bring the baby to my house because she says it is too cold to walk her over. I have no problems with her boyfriend or his family, but I’m not comfortable being myself over there, so I’ve seen my granddaughter once. Before she was born, my daughter and I were making plans that she would come over while her boyfriend’s friend is at work. I told her we could hang out a bond with the baby. I even make a nursery with a twin size bed for my daughter. I told her she could rest while she’s here and take a break. All the support new moms wish they had I’m able to give to her. I’ve been crying for two days. I’m missing this bonding time with both my daughter and granddaughter. And what I don’t understand is she felt size one diapers and 0-3 months clothes. Why do that if you weren’t going to let her over to my house? I even offered to drive into their driveway so she didn’t have to walk the 30 feet to my house. What do I do besides wait? Please post anonymously thank you

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I think you should make the effort and just go there until she wants to walk over. She’s a new mom and has other things going on and is probably more comfortable there with all her things she needs

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While I understand the whole comfort level issue when going over there, what is more important: your comfort level or spending time with your daughter & grandchild? Once you ask yourself that, maybe it will help give clarity on the situation. Good luck!

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You get up and go see your granddaughter and stop letting his family make you uncomfortable.

Sounds like there’s a bit of a rift between the two families and she doesn’t want to make them uncomfortable. Ignore the drama and be the bigger person.

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As a daughter who’s mom never came to my house when she lived close, you need to go to her. My mother always said I needed to come to her, she was busy or tired or doing other things and didn’t have the free time or energy to come over. No matter how far or close I’ve lived from her, she rarely visits and makes it known how much she’d rather be at her own house. It’s a pride thing you need to move past and go to her. The support new moms need is for ppl to make less work on them, not set up a space somewhere other than their own home.

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Ask your daughter what the real problem is .

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If you don’t have a problem with the bf or family why do you feel like you can’t be yourself? I would just make the effort to go there since that’s where your daughter feels the most comfortable.

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Go over there.put in effort in the ways she needs, not just the ways you want. It is tough,and I’m sure she will loosen up and start coming over eventually. Continue to invite,tell her if she needs anything the door will always be welcome,and start building the bond you crave

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You go over to where she lives and feels most comfortable. She’s the one that’s just had a baby… So you need to support her in whichever way makes her feel most comfortable and at ease. Seems like a no brainer :woman_shrugging:t2: especially if you have no issue with the people she lives with.

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Try to go to her, and just let her know u are there. She might be going through stuff…

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She shouldn’t have to come to you. She just had a baby. Make the effort for her and then things will be different as the baby gets older! I’m literally speaking from experience with how certain family members were when i had my first baby.

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I would just get up and go over there. I have the same problem, with other ppl. But it isn’t our jobs as mothers to be sure YOU see your grandchild. It’s your responsibility. If you want to go see your grandchild, go see her. You live right next door. I can’t blame her for not wanting to take her child out. Even if it’s next door. But it isn’t a mother’s job to make you feel comfortable. Just go over there. Maybe if you go, stay long enough, go daily, you’ll eventually step out of the uncomfortable zone.

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So you expect your child and grand child to come to you outside their home for your comfort? So much so you refuse to see them otherwise? That is manipulative, and narcissistic. I suggest therapy and a good long look in the mirror. Maybe she won’t come see you because you make her uncomfortable? Or maybe because she feels like you abandoned her by making zero effort to help her in her home where she is most comfortable…

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She just had a baby a week ago… Maybe she needs rest and time for herself with her baby

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She is a new mom. You want to bond, suck it up and go over there. This is about her comfort, not yours.

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You visit. I’m not being mean here at all! This is no longer about you. She is where she feels comfortable and where she has all the things for her baby that she is comfortable with. You have to visit. You have to make the effort and put your comfort aside if you want the relationship. Good luck to you, and thank you for being brave enough to reach out for advice!

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Walk your azz the 30 feet to her!! Smh…she is right next door. And it isnt about you!! And maybe that is why she wont come over there…you say you cant be yourself over there…maybe you should do some soul searching… because maybe she is uncomfortable with how you are when you are being yourself. Be the same in public as you are in private.

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Sounds like she maybe isnt allowed to come over. I would simply go there and try and get her alone. Ask if shes ok. Svrew her inlaws. Thats your child and grandchild. Dont waste time worring about them.

Suck it up and go over there is what u do! She just had a baby. Smh not like ur states away. Ur literally 30ft so why dont u bundle up and walk over :unamused::unamused:

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Go over there. I personally can’t stand my mother in law, but I’d give anything for her to take the time to see my kids 🤷🏾‍♀. Be yourself and build a bond with.your grandchild

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