My bf and I have been together for 14 years now, and I’m starting to feel really unhappy. Well, I’ve been unhappy for a long time, but I stay for my children because I want them to be around there, dad. He works the night shift and sleeps all day, which makes it difficult for the kids and me. He could go to bed a few hours after he gets home, but he would rather stay up and play video games until early morning and then sleep until an hour bf he goes to work. I have to beg him for attention and still don’t get it most of the time. I feel like he buys the kids love instead of spending quality time with them. But they adore him, and I don’t want to break my family up. I’m drowning in misery. I like doing things like vacationing and going to parks. Maybe take walks together as a family, and anytime I want him to join, it’s a big fight even to get him to go, and he ruins the mood. I feel like all he wants to do is play those damn video games. All he does on his days off it’s just that. I often fantasize about my previous relationship and how happy I was, but I left him for my partner now and regretted it all the time. I guess my question is, how do I deal with this should I try counseling or just break it off and co-parent?
Don’t stay in an unhappy relationship “for the kids.” That’s the worst thing you could do. Try therapy, individual and couples, and if that doesn’t work then get out of the relationship.
If he’s not willing to change leave his ass
Withhold sex ur soon see the change in him
He needs a new job. That would be my line in the sand.
I guess my question would be do you also work or stay at home with the kids? I feel like while the reasons you gave are reason to be unhappy it’s not reason to up and leave or break up your family. I feel like it’s kinda selfish. Working a full time job is hard and if his way to destress is to play video games it could be a hell of alot worse. Hes only human.
Break it off and coparent. You children sense unhappiness and will be better on everyone if y’all are happy not being together
Been there!!! RUN!!! And don’t look back!!! I am now engaged and pregnant with the best man in the world! He loves all my children and knows the quality of family time! A man will do anything and everything if he loved you. He love his video game and you deserve more! Trust me, don’t do this to yourself. You are only hurting yourself and being in an unhappy relationship, your children will notice.
Try getting help first. It might show you what you can and can not accept. Does he play the games with your children. I have many relatives who play the games and several travel who travel for competition. Could you play too are try
I used to work night shift and there’s no way I could come home and immediately go to bed only for a few hours. Night Shift does a toll on people. As far as video games 24/7 that’s ridiculous. Counseling. Always first.
Your wasting your life being miserable. Your kids see that whether you wanna think so or not. I was in the same situation. I broke it off. Took a while but we civilly coparent now. Better relationship then when we were together. It gets better if you make it better.
Have no electronics during the week (get the kids on board). Set up family nights where you have take out and play board games. On the weekend have a jar filled with ideas (the kids can also write what they want to do) mix them in the jar and take one out each weekend, whatever is written down you do.
Have an adult jar where you and your partner write down date night ideas (include he’s hobby of video games but, make it like you vs him on a game).
If he’s showing no interest in actually spending time or changing then, your wasting your time being miserable in a relationship that he puts no effort into.
Talk to him not at him but to him and ask if he’s willing to try to make it work. See what’s going on in his head. Y’all are both probably unhappy just in the routine of life. Start dating each other again maybe that will help. Maybe couples counseling is needed but remember to keep your voice calm and soft so he actually has to pay attention to what your saying and he can truly hear you. Don’t raise voices because that’s gonna get no where but to a bottle of wine quick. Write it out don’t just spill everything out. I analyse what I’m gonna say by writing out my feelings and turn the feelings into words he’s gonna understand. (Not that he’s dumb, just we think differently)then have the talk calmly and presenting ways to fix things. Sorry for the book.
Quit daydreaming about the old romance there is a reason you left it. Also you are the only one who controls your happiness. Instead of focusing on what he is not doing you take the kids and go on the kind of outings you want without him. Nagging will not work. You are not exactly fun to be with yourself at this point either. Give him some space, go enjoy yourself and see what happens. The worst you stay with the kids dad and find joy of your own making. No person can do that for you. A novel idea find a good church and see what happens.
Better for the children to split up than them be in that situation. Although you may be able to hide your feelings from them I’m sure they can still see what is going on and sense your feelings. And for yourself why stay with someone that makes you miserable you live once don’t waste it being miserable and trying to fix something that can’t be fixed he won’t change. X
I tried to come between him and a 10 hour a day video game habit on his days off. We ended up breaking up. He’s since sorted his gaming addiction for his partner, so I hear, and I think that’s terrific.
Voice your concerns and feelings and see if he does anything, if he doesn’t, then move on. Don’t stay for the kids. I did that for years and it was the most unhealthy thing. They’re much happier now the house isn’t full of fighting and they get to see their dad whenever he wants them.
If you want to spend the rest of your life that way that’s on you
Sounds like he’s addicted. Very unhealthy. If he found a daytime job he’d probably spend all night playing and you still wouldn’t have time with him. You can’t win. Tell him you aren’t happy anymore. His response will be your answer.
Talk to him tell him how you are feeling, couples counseling.
First, boyfriend for 14 years, had kids, ignores your life, no real commitment is there, you have wasted your time and life on him. Never stay with someone for your kids it never works for anyone, cut your losses, kick him out move on with your life.