I live in a small town in upstate NY with my two children and husband. I grew up in this small town, and my parents were prevalent in the community. I moved away for college and never really came back except to visit. I was living in a southern state when I got married to my first husband and pregnant with my first son (my first marriage to a narcissist/borderline personality disorder). So many terrible things happened, but I ended up moving back home to the small town to be closer to my parents. I knew I wanted to raise my kids, where my parents were. I since divorced (horrible court battles) I have full legal and physical custody of my child. I then met my current husband, whose family is also from this town. We had our second child together. My dilemma is this; I am unhappy here. So unhappy. My parents are now moving away to a southern state, and I want to go. My husband and his family are established here, so he isn’t entertaining a conversation about it. He has a great job for his family business, and I have a decent job, but I do not enjoy it at all. The job market in this small town is awful. No jobs with benefits and a decent salary. Where I want to go? SO much opportunity. I feel I am selfish, but I am UNHAPPY, where I am. I can’t go outside without someone asking about my family/friends/ex-husband/child custody situation. I want privacy again. I should also state that my ex (first son’s father) is now living here too. He has two other women with children also all in town. I am so unhappy that I am becoming depressed and anxious. All of my close friends have moved away, also. What do I do?
Gosh, that’s so hard. I see both sides.
I’m in upstate NY as well!
Move . You need to be happy…
I’m not trying to be awful and I’m sure I’ll get attacked for this, but you cant uproot your children’s lives just because your unhappy. That’s selfish. And would cause a rift between you and your husband if he doesn’t want to go. Your kids deserve family/stability. Find the good in your situation. Same bs no matter where in this world you go
I say move with your family if it will make u happy I know it’s probably not gonna be easy hopefully your hubby will go withu
I’d leave with my parents. Do what makes you happy. I know I wouldn’t be able to live like that.
First and foremost you must talk with your husband. A marriage is hard work and y’all are a team. Express to him how hard of a time you’re having and how unhappy you are. Hear his side and how he feels and try to reach a compromise. You have a family now, and i understand the want and need to be happy- but you have children and a husband you have to consider when making life changing decisions. Talk to him and go from there. I wish you the best
Try to see if he will she to just move out of that town but not too far away from his family. Remember that leaving what you’ve always known can be scary and he is doing good there so he has no want to leave. This is a hard sit you’re in and there are no easy answers
Frist of all u and your husband need to talk bout this, second u need to find out why u unhappy, moving away might not be the answer.
Can you and ur husband move out of the town but close enough to go bck for work?
Maybe looking into another town close by. So that way you arent uprooting everything your kids know and your husband will still have his job and you can possibly find one you like. I want to add you need to look if this a location thing or a you thing. Moving might not solve many of these problems
Maybe move to a neighboring, booming town that offers you more for employment but a comfortable daily commute for your husband.
If your husband loves you he will understand. Marriage is also about sacrifices. If you don’t do something within reasonable time your patience will run thin and a wall will start to build between you and your husband. Then it will no longer be you and him verses the issue. It will be you verses him. This is tough. But can be manageable if both parties can meet in the the middle. Maybe you can leave town not state. Try to compromise. Lay all the cards on the table. Be open and honest about how you feel. But be sure to take his feelings into consideration as well. Weigh pros and cons. Make sure ur bit doing this for just u. U have children as well. Gotta make sure it is in their best interest as well etc. Goodluck
Your mental health is super important. Being that unhappy and depressed is not good for you. But because it cant physically be seen, people think it’s no big deal and that’s a crock of crap!! There are many factors to think about for sure, but at the end of the day if you’re mental health is struggling, it will affect your parenting. I have been there, and now my mental health is my main priority because I know that when my mental health is failing, I am failing my children. Tey speaking with your husband about how this is negatively affecting your mental health, and how it truly makes you feel. I hope he understands, and is willing to work to find a solution with you, rather than without you… I wish you the best mama, YOUR MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS
Make a compromise. You guys will stay while the kids grow up so you don’t uproot them but once they’re older, you move.
This is a conversation that you and your husband need to really talk about. This would involve him also. His feelings also have to be taken into account unless you want to divorce him and move with your family. This is a life changing move with Jobs having to be found among other things. This is not a what do I do but a what do we do? This is about the both of you, the family and the kids.
Move. Life is too short to be miserable…
If he treats u bad to go do what is best for you
They would probably love to move