I am unsure on if I should go through with a name change: Thoughts?

I have three kids with my ex. He currently has custody of them because my living situation was not the best at the moment. I have known him for almost 15 years, and throughout those years, there has been plenty of verbal and mental abuse. He has used my current situation against me to get whatever he wants out of me. We talked a while ago about changing our kid’s last names from my maiden name to his name. I was okay with it at first, but now I am second-guessing it. He has done and said a lot to get what he wants since my whole situation has started. And if I try to fight back, he brings up child support. I have no issues paying child support and taking care of my kids. But at the same time, I know the money will not go towards my kids. His wife controls their money. She gets to spend as she pleases, and he would always complain about how he had no money for anything because she would blow through his paychecks. So my worry about paying child support is it not actually going towards my kids. We are supposed to do the name change in a couple of days, and I am second-guessing it because I think he is only doing it to have more power and control over me. But I am also worried that if I don’t go through with it that I am just subjecting myself to more name-calling and put-downs like he always does to me. What would anybody else do in my situation?


Get legal advice if you can


Honestly, I wouldn’t do it just because its a connection to the kids, but it really makes no difference what their last name is in the battle ahead. I feel badly for you as my best friend endured a similar situation. Keep fighting to see them as often as you can so they always know you are trying.

I wouldn’t do it. But since he has them shouldn’t he be able to do it anyways?


Sounds like u need to get ur stuff together and get ur kids. The last name is the least of ur worries.


Don’t do it. If they want to do that on their own when they’re older welcome it. But that’s all they know. Don’t add any more trauma and craziness in their life. Let them keep their fucking name at least!

Wow First of all child support is used to raise the child Do they have food Clothes a roof over their head Why shouldn’t u be helping w that And if he is raising them idk why the last name matters


You should be paying child support, because regardless of what they do with the money, they are still taking care of your kids. Unclear what child support has to do with name change. Pretty sure he can petition court anyways since he’s probably on birth certificate. You could always offer having kids have last name hyphenated, and that way kids win with both your names.

Nope nope nope. Dont do it


Go back to court to modify your custody order.

1 Like

So you want “control” over the name and support because you don’t want HIM to have “control” over the name and support. Girl get your priorities straight!


If he takes the name issue to court it is very likely he will get it anyway, at least and especially for any children who are boys and can pass on the name. As for child support, court will probably accept that too if he asks for it because he’s got custody.

You need to try to find an attorney before you go to court if possible.


Dont change thier names…tell him to kick rocks…get yourself cleaned up and start acting right if not for yourself do it for your kids…if cant then maybe they should be with the father…get yourself right girl…take care of them babies and yourself and you wont need him for anything.


Dont change it. It’s too confusing to the children and may cause them difficulty in the future proving identity.


Also, that is his side of the story! I’m sure he’s paychecks are going towards a roof over your childrens head! And food on the table!


If your current situation is not the best then focus on getting you better and situated so that you can get your kids back … the name and child support are minor details … the kids need a healthy and safe place to live with either parent


I’m surprised you haven’t consulted FREE LEGAL AIDE or a lawyer on this. Do it now to know what fall out there is fi you do or don’t. Each state is different. I would work more on getting custody back, job and home, your kids need that more than name change crap.

Ask the kids. As far as child support is concerned if he takes you to court for not paying it’s 10x worse. I’d give him the money directly. Use money orders so you have proof you paid.

I wouldn’t change their names. First, because it’s their name, and what they are used to. Second, why cause confusion for the kids just to stoke his ego…or keep him from seeking child support from you (you are their mother and are responsible for it anyway if they don’t live with you). Third…do you really think that by doing what he wants he will miraculously stop calling you names and treating you badly…and WHY is that your biggest fear? You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life and get it together and be a decent mother to your children.


Sry but I wouldn’t be doing anything like that, I’d be focused on working my butt off to get my kids back, if he was abusive to you, what makes you think he’s not abusive to his new wife in front of your kids, the cycle continues. So no don’t give them his name and work 5 jobs if you have to, so you can quickly better your living situation and get your kids back.