I am unsure why my husband is attracted to me: Thoughts?

I’ve never been the way I have with my spouse with anyone else. I let my guard down and built a home with him. I’ve always been insecure and only had one other guy make me feel beautiful. For five years, I’ve been trying hard not to let things with my spouse bother me … it’s my weakness. My insecurities. I know him. I love him. I know what he likes. But when I see the woman he looks at, I feel disgusting. I’m not exactly a pretty girl and very much a vulgar tomboy. I have no understanding as to why he likes me. I’m used to guys being infatuated with me, but the feeling usually fades. I feel so gross in my body when I know he will not look like the gorgeous girl with the wicked body. I thought eventually I would feel better, but I don’t. His words of reassurance do nothing for me. He’s treated me great. He loves me. He compliments me. But I know I’m never gonna be the girl he brags about… about how pretty I am because I’m not. I love him sooo much. But I’d almost rather be single and lusted after than be the familiar one, the one who doesn’t get looked at… after the honeymoon phase fades, I always get to feel like a piece of furniture, and I ditch. But I love this man. Five years and two kids later, I can’t seem to get over my insecurities, and I’m hurting both of us. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. I really just want to feel good about myself. I don’t know how to do that in a relationship. I’m never gonna be like the girls he looks at. I’d rather be by myself than feel this way with someone. But I love him. I love my family. Please help.

61 Likes

If you can’t accept his love for you, you may need to try therapy. You got a man who loves you and y’all have kids together you need to look youeself in the mirror and love who you see staring back at you, and deff want to take care of that and not let it rub off onto your babies.

10 Likes

I could never actually find the right words to say this, but I felt that with my entire being. :heart: I don’t know how to help, but sending you big warm hugs.

22 Likes

I feel this to the core.

12 Likes

You need to see a therapist. This is deep and your insecurities could ruin a great relationship and strain the relationship your kids have with their father. It’s worth fighting for and figuring out.

48 Likes

I feel like this too (I’m ugly lol) I bet others see you so differently than you see yourself. I’ve had people tell me they are ugly and I’m like “wow I think you are hot!!” Maybe some therapy might help. Your obviously do it for your husband :wink:

Girl I suggest counseling! It’s exactly the resource for a question like this! What your feeling is happening to many of us, but talking to a professional is the way to go. Also sounds like you may be a tad stubborn based on your post, so maybe try and focus on forcing your self to see things from his view, because right now your pretty stuck on your feelings and opinions, not the ones hes trying to show you. Breath and see a counselor. I promise it will help :heart:

5 Likes

I’d recommend counseling for yourself

Men look, women look, curiosity is life. Having confidence in yourself and your relationship is key as well as communication!!! And try spicing things up and being blatantly honest about your likes and dislikes to best please each other!!! It’s not always about them wanting other women!!!

2 Likes

And definitely not trying to be disrespectful or hurtful! I’ve been there and trying my best to help from experience!

Wow, been feeling the same way about my relationship. Thanks for sharing.

1 Like

Sounds like you have a good guy. You need to seek therapy, and fall in love with yourself. Know yourself and like yourself. Do stuff for yourself, especially things that make you feel good inside and out. Maybe gym, yoga, church, a makeover, reading, meditate.

5 Likes

Get some counseling. He should not have to continually reassure you. It has to be exhausting for both of you. There will ALWAYS be people that are better than and less than you feel you are, physically or whatever it is…for your whole life. That is the reality of life. YOU ARE WORTHY of love and happiness period. Quit shit talking yourself and except that HE loves you. QUIT COMPARING yourself to everyone else. No relationship is ever going to stay in the lust faze. You know what the MOST sexy thing about any woman is? CONFIDENCE! Any man will tell you that. Work on that and it will change your whole life. I promise!!! Build your self confidence. Own your self worth. HE WILL NOTICE!!! Quit the shit talk and get busy!

You need to get into therapy. It’s your self esteem and not him. Its only going to continue to get worse.

2 Likes

O honey. I know this has been said but therapy… It is a life saver

1 Like

I REALLY feel you there, except I’m single and feel like I will never find someone that makes me feel beautiful or wanted as I don’t even want myself. I really hope you learn to love yourself like your husband does…
I’m waiting on cognitive behavioral therapy to get myself out of some of my black and white thinking and negative thought patterns. Hopefully you find something that works for you and truly helps you enjoy what you have <3 cheers mama and keep pushing on! You’ve totally got this.

2 Likes

Girl!!! Get a mirror and everyday tell yourself you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are loved. Listen, first- don’t give a shit what anyone thinks… but this sounds like it’s a you thing and your definitely insecure. You need self help counselor for sure!!! 2nd- you have to love yourself and be confident. Confidence is a trait woman definitely need in this lifetime. All these media Hollywood dimwitted whatever don’t help us. 3rd. Your insecurities can actually make him think less of you. Yes it’s nice to be complimented but he shouldn’t have to coddle your self esteem.

Girl- own who your beautiful self is. We get one life… live that shit… we all have days we feel horrible about ourselves in one way.or another. Men and women always look and admire, that’s ok… hell we are not dead… My motto is, if he don’t like it, someone else will love it!!!

Coming from another vulgar mouth tomboy wife lol

You have a family! You’re married! And you’re saying he loves you too much? Get help for your insecurities, before you ruin your marriage!

5 Likes

Your heart must be beautiful, he sees your inner qualities. We all notice even the beautiful car drive by, doesn’t mean we get to own it.

I want you to listen to me and listen to me good, okay? I used to think JUST LIKE YOU. Lots of men have told me this, the first IRL woman they had a crush on was a buddy’s mom or their mom’s friend. An average woman with a mom body. I don’t know ANY women who swoon over male models, yet assume their man does? I bet you would never talk to another woman like you talk to yourself. That negative self talk is just as harmful as saying it to a kid when you talk to yourself like that. You slowly erode your own self esteem and self image and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Watch the Secret, meditate, take a bath, get a therapist but, KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF. I solemnly swear that it makes a HUGE difference.