I really, really need advice and have no one else to go to. Can you post this anonymously? This might be a little long, but I have a 17-year-old sister who is, without a doubt, a narcissist. She behaves/speaks like she does no wrong, and like the world owes her everything. She takes and does not give. She says the most hurtful things; for example, she told me I’m a bad mom because I don’t have a father for my children (single mom) and that I’m “pathetic” that I live with my mother at the age of 23. She’s completely toxic. I am not able to have a civil conversation with her without her pointing out something I do wrong or blaming me for her problems, and I cannot confront her about my feelings because she turns it around always to be something I did to hurt her. In February, this will have been going on for two years with me constantly trying to be nice only to have her point fingers at me. I’ve run out of patience, and I’m tired of biting my tongue. I’ve gotten to the point where I told her to stay away from my children and me as well. I’ve told my family (they think I’m rude) that I don’t want my sister around my children. My sister acts this way towards me IN FRONT of my kids - in my opinion, that’s teaching them to disrespect their mother. We cannot be in the same room without her giving me dirty looks, making insults and telling me I’m to blame for everything that’s wrong in her life. She takes no responsibility or accountability for any of this. If I confront her about the things she says and how it makes me feel, she will deny that she said it even if it was only five minutes ago. I’ve decided to put her on the list of people who are NOT allowed at the hospital when I give birth to my daughter in April. Am I wrong for cutting contact with her and keeping her away from my children? Is it wrong that I don’t want her holding my daughters or having any involvement with them? Am I overreacting to “typical teenager stuff” as my mother puts it? I don’t think I am; I’d just like other’s opinions on this or to see if anyone’s been through anything similar. Thanks in advance.
My mother is a narcissist. I read this book Disarming the narcissist that was $15 on Amazon. 8 reccomend reading it and using the tools it gives you. It has greatly improved my relationship with my mother.
She is childish is what she is. She can make you feel inferior bc she found what works. Simply put, move. Get your own place & stay away from her. I’m not saying she’s right bc she’s wrong to be this kind of person but she won’t change just bc you want her to. She may change when this attitude gets her no where. At the end of the day she’s still a minor. If you don’t want her around you or your kid it’s YOUR job to find a place and move out. & It sounds like it’s 2 years overdue. I realize it’s not easy. I’ve been on my own since 4 months before my 18 birthday. I finished out highschool while living on my own and working a part time job. There’s help out there if you need it. Might sound harsh but your sister is who she is. Only way to stop encountering the abuse is to move out. Seek other childcare options and don’t interact with her. & Also… Moving out and getting your self together takes away a huge part of her ammunition towards you and may force her to look within and you being removed from the situation gives you the chance to be straight with her. “What is really the problem?” Be blunt. And if she chooses to lash out rather than answer simply walk away. That’s not what I asked and until you have an honest to goodness answer I don’t have to listen to this.
My sister use to be angry at the world when she was 15 and 16 and she would say some hurtful stuff and of course I would say some smart remark back because I stood up for myself my sister has never been this bad tho and now she is 18 and since she became 17 she started to grow up and I could finally talk to her without it turning into a fight. Maybe give it time but until then do what is best for you and your children don’t worry about others feelings
Hash it out if u must… But grow up, get over differences bc once they r gone, there r no do overs… My sister and I had issues… I made damn sure we made amends before she died 3 months ago.
You need to do what is best for you and your kids. I’d do the same as far as keeping her away from your kids. Don’t worry about what others are thinking. It’s only you and your kids that comes first.
She’s just jealous of you. Just smile at her every time you are around her and that will make her madder.
If she truly is a narcissist. Age has nothing to with it.
You dont want to deal with and adult narc. Trust me.
Good thing is once she turns 18. Its fair game. Whoop her ass.
Is this now an advice column? Surely there are other places to ask this?
Sounds like you have a jealous sister, hmmm might want to move before it gets to out of hand, but I think thers,a a lot of jealousy to
Well, she is young and still a minor in her parent’s home. You need to figure out how to get your own place. Did you just split with your husband while pregnant? I’m sure you coming back with a bunch of children has disrupted the serenity and flow of the household she is used to and she’s probably resentful. And now you’re adding a new born. If this was her nature before you moved back, maybe she just doesn’t like your lifestyle and doesn’t know how to express it in a healthy way. You need to take a step back and see what it is you’re attributing to the problem. Teenagers can have bad attitudes and mood swings. Hopefully she’ll grow out of the way she expresses her feelings. Bottom line is you need to get your own house.
Family or not…she’s TOXIC and does nothing for you and/or your children. Love her from a far. You DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN to anyone. Others and/or family will talk shit REGARDLESS! You don’t have to tolerate her disrespect, rudeness, behavior.
Some of the things she is saying is true. Why are you having children with no father and still living at home? Perhaps she has some anger toward you for bringing the changes into her life she didn’t ask for. You need to get your own place so you can live your own life. Oh yes, although I had a four year young sister and she was a pain in the butt, we became good friends later in life.
Run!! You’re doing the right thing to cut her out of your life. I havent spoken to my 2 sister in 5 years because thsts exactly how they treat me. Its hard and first and guilt will eat you up but slowly those feelings of guilt will be replace with peace and self worth. You’ll be a lot happier… I know I am. Good luck and I wise you strength through this journey.
True that there is always two sides to every story. But we are hearing your story. You are seeking advice here. You sound fair to me. I think that it would be in the best interest of you and your children to find support and potentially housing outside of your family. Maintain whatever relationship you want to with them, always being mi dull of the mental and emotional health of yourself and your children. Otherwise you may need to set up some healthy boundaries considering the negative effect that these a relationships are having on you and your children.
No you aren’t. I have an older sister who was like this my entire life. At the age of 37 I finally decided I’d had enough. The last time I spoke to her was 2013. The last time I saw her was 2015 and I’ve never been more at peace. Sometimes you have to cut the ones out of your life that cause you too much pain, even though you love them very much.
I have a BIG feeling your momma wants you gone!!! Cause if she letting your sister say stuff to you it’s probably everything your momma wants to say to your face but doesn’t! You need to get out fast and handle everything on your own. Better for your sanity and your kids.
Cut off all contact. You don’t need people in your life like that. Doesn’t matter that she’s your sister. She’s toxic to you and sets a horrible example for your children. I had to do that with a sister too. She blames all her problems on others. I tried for many years to help her, only to have her crap on me over and over. My mother would just say, “This too shall pass.” I told her no, it won’t. I’m done. It’s been years and my life is much more peaceful without her in it. And that’s HER loss, not mine.
It isn’t typical teenage stuff. I know exactly what you mean and I don’t blame you for any of the decisions you are making. She is to toxic to be around your kids if she can’t even respect you. I had a daughter that is the same age and she acts the same exact way. She has to see two counselors one being a behavioral specialist as well. Her mind has to be taught to look at everything the right way. She needs help big time.
Correct, you do not need to be disrespected in front of your children. Actualy, you should not be disrespected at all, be anyone. It sounds like she is resentful that she has to share, what she feel is rightfully hers, with you and your kids. Personally I would get my ship together and move out and make a respectable life for my kids and myself. ( Which I did, single mother of 3) Which makes me wonder, what have you been doing to become an independent mother? I got a grant went to college, got a job, paid for a house, bla bla. Take charge if your life. Do not rely on mom and dad or some ‘man’. Set your own destiny. Show those kids how you can step up. Never let anyone come in and try to run your world.