I don't feel part of my husbands family: Advice?

So my husband and I have been together for seven years (married since October 2020). I’ve always felt like an outsider when it comes to his family due to mine and his relationship being rocky at the beginning and a couple of years ago when we had our first child, but my parents and siblings have completely taken him in as part of the family after the first year or two that we were together. Well, at the beginning of last year, my husband straight up told me that his mom didn’t like me pretty much bc of the way I wouldn’t put up with his BS during our rough patches. Well, after our first child got a little older, things seemed to be a bit better. And once I got pregnant with our second child, she actually texted me to check on the baby and me and has continued to do so since she was born. His sister has always seemed like she really liked me, and we get along great when we all hang out. But she recently got married. He was a groomsman, and I wasn’t apart of the wedding party, which I was fine with. After the wedding, when they were taking family pictures, I was waiting right by where they were taking pics, and they never called me over to take pictures with them. It really hurt me because I have been apart of my husband’s life for seven years, and we’ve been married for almost five months, and they didn’t include me as a family to take pics. From what I saw, they even had the aunts and uncles out there taking pics too. I just don’t understand what I have to do to actually be considered part of a third family.

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You need to sit down with the mom and the sister just you girls and lay it all our on the line, like hey I feel this way because of the rocky points in our relationship but I feel like I’ve really proven myself to be apart of this family how can we make our relationship stronger for us girls?

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I completely understand your situation. This is my husband’s second marriage and his family always preferred his first wife over me. What has helped for me was to take a step back and not worry about it. The most important thing is your relationship with your husband.

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I never did either after 15 years! We got divorced and he passed away. Thankful
I don’t have to be around any of those monsters

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Some people just shouldnt be family😘and thats not always a bad thing. Those who WANT it will make it happen. Less drama to deal with.

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That’s not something for you to fix, that’s HIS job. He decided to create a family with you so you guys are now the priority. He needs to let his family know that they need to accept you and respect as his wife.

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My husbands family seemed to welcome me right away.
But once their son ( my husband ) started going through depression, anxiety and health issues we all started having issues with each other.
I feel like his family almost blames me for it.
It is what it is.
I’m not hurt by it, but my kids are, and my husband is.

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He needs to talk to his family. My Inlaw’s were like that for a long time. We have been married for 5 years and are pregnant with our 8th child. They only just recently seemed to start accepting me. But it took me and my husband both being very blunt and telling them whether they liked it or not we were all family and I’m not going anywhere. This past year has been a lot better between me and my Inlaw’s, not perfect, but things are definitely getting better Atleast. My MIL actually asked for me to be in pictures with her while she was here last. And now she is flying up here for 3 weeks when our youngest is suppose to be born so she can help with the older kids and watch them while we are having our daughter. I offered to pay her for it and she declined payment saying getting to spend time with us is all she wants. So I definitely think he needs to say something to his family. It helped a lot for me, and my husband even quit talking to his family for awhile.

maybe you should try to talk to them… maybe not about the situation so quickly but just in general. getting to know them and they you.
my bf and I had rough patches the first years together and his family had a difficult time accepting me.
That’s what I did and now if they have a problem I talk to them and not thru him.
much luck and keep your head up

Yeah I know the feeling. I learned to take a step back. I really don’t care how I’m treated but when it comes to my kids that’s a whole different story

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That is his job not yours. They are his immediate family.

From experience I would steer clear.
Take a back seat.
They are his famiky not yours.
You have your parents and your own little family.
Just accept that your not meant to be apart of his family as they would treat you badly over the years and you don’t deserve that.
Be polite when you see them if you have to.
And just plough yourself and your energy in those who love you and those that are worthy of you.
Don’t dwell on it, there is a reason your not meant to be involved with unkind people.
Best save yourself from anymore hurt down the line.
I hope you can find some peace don’t settle for anything less.

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I know how you feel and honestly it’s what’s best for me most of my in laws are toxic and out of my life is best

I feel you on that I just don’t deal with my fiances family period I only go over if he begs me.
But sit down talk to them see what’s up or be like me and not deal with them unless it’s about your husband or kids

Let it go. You are not going to change their opinions or feelings. So either you can be hurt all the time, or you can let it go. Makes you feel better, I don’t fit with my own family. Made my own from my friends.

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you married your husband not his family, He should talk to his family and find out why

  1. This issue is her husband’s fault because had he kept his mouth closed and not bad mouth her to the family they probably wouldn’t have any ill feelings. So blame him

  2. She needs to stop worrying about those people and focus on the people that love and embrace her

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You may have married into his family, but you didn’t marry his family. It doesn’t matter unless you let it, and it’s not worth it to allow it to affect your life with him. You have to be able to accept that people aren’t always going to like you and as long as he’s happy with his decision to marry you, there’s no purpose in letting it harm you or your marriage. They’ll come around or they won’t, and it’s not your burden if you choose not to carry it.

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I face this same problem we were together ten years before we got married me and my husband it hurt some but over time I stop wanting to be included I wasn’t made to fit in or to force relationships with people.so I stop trying and caring I no longer went to every invite I would just send him I knew who like me and who didn’t but over time they know I am not going anywhere stay strong there is nothing wrong with u be patient just be In person I could tell u a whole lot on this subject but all this writing is not what I do I just wanted to say I understand

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Same situation here. He still doesn’t have the balls to say anything, we just don’t bother visiting much. We send his mom something for Mother’s Day and Christmas cards to everyone, other than that we do our own thing.