My fiance and I have been together for eight years and have two young kids together. Recently I haven’t really felt the same about our relationship like I love him, but I don’t feel like I’m in love with him anymore. The reason I think is right now I feel like I’m stuck because, for about three years, we’ve lived with his parents, and his mom can be controlling, which I found out after me, and my fiance had our first child together. There are so many examples I could give, but one recent one is she talked to my fiance about giving our three-year-old chores and give her allowance for it, but I didn’t know about this until after she told my daughter if she helped clean up her toys that her daddy and pop-pop would give her $5 for allowance. I was pretty upset after that since I had no say in it. She has to decide everything it seems like, or if she doesn’t get her way about something, she can throw a big fit. Another example is she thinks she should decide how we should punish our kids. Like if they do something their not supposed to, she doesn’t believe in yelling, spanking (which I don’t like it either unless it’s absolutely necessary and my fiance is the opposite) and even putting them in timeout until they calm down. Like what else are we supposed to do to teach them right from wrong? I feel like I can’t even parent my own kids. My fiance knows how I feel about all of this, and I feel like he doesn’t care about my feelings since he always tells me to stop talking to him about it because he doesn’t want to hear it. He just doesn’t want to be the middle man, which I understand, but it’s still his mom, so he should be able to talk to her about what’s bothering him or us. Also, another thing that bothers me is after we found out our second daughter was coming, we hurried and found a house, which is an older mobile home that needs lots of fixing up. We moved it next to his parent’s house which I regret, but he said him and his dad could fix it up, but it’s been two years since they’ve said that and there’s been little to no work done on it and its probably going to take up to another year to be livable even if they started working on it now. When I talk to my fiance about this too, he seems to brush it off and basically says that he knows he needs to work on it, but they’ve been busy. I think since he’s living at home he’s just too comfortable and it seems like he wants to live there forever, which I for sure don’t want. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just getting depressed and feel stuck. I guess I’m just venting and wanting opinions on if I should wait it out and see if they start working on the house again like they said they would or just end the relationship now.
It doesn’t necessarily sound like it’s all your fiance’s fault. 1) He and you both need to come to an agreement, together, outside and away from his parents about exactly how you want your children raised. Including what forms of discipline you will use and for what. 2) AFTER you both come to those agreements with each other, you need to sit his parents down and tell them that those are the agreements to be followed. Period. End of discussion. If they don’t like it too damn bad. 3) Get. Out. Of. Their. House. You two are adults now and parents of children. I get everyone needs help sometimes but three years is too long to have kids and still be living at his parents. If they’re unwilling to agree to what you’ve set as parents and respect that, then understand it’s time to move out. Again, period. End of discussion. No sense complaining when you’re staying stuck in the same situation. Do something about it. Best of luck.
Also an old couple once told me they stayed married for 40+ years because they realized that they wouldn’t always feel in love with each other all the time. You will fall in and out sometimes. It’s about working through the out times till you come back into the in times. If you’re committed then the in love times WILL be back. Just matters how bad you want to be faithful and committed. Hope this helps.
Move out of her house.
I’m sorry this is a horrible situation… but I think you need to leave with the kids and give him an ultimatum. He needs to choose you… you and your kids are his family now. You can find alot of good deals on homes now. He needs to buy ya’ll your own place or he needs to fix the mobile home up he bought for ya’ll. If ya’ll stay beside his family he needs to grow a backbone and have a big talk with his parents about boundaries. Good luck
Um sounds like he is way comfortable. and also if he can’t stick up for you then you need to tell the mom when something bothers you, it’s your kid. Is he not working? Why cant you guys just go get an appartment? I would probably give him a deadline or something like “if you dont help make sure we are out of here in 6 months I’ll figure something out on my own for me and this kids” you cant stay somewhere your miserable and if he doesn’t care then hes in no rush to change it. Im sure you guys could have moved somewhere else after that long…
He is definitely too comfortable living at home. So you need to have a serious conversation with him or tell him you’re leaving. And start putting your foot down with Grandma. You are the mother. Not her. If you don’t start saying something, it will get worse. I’m speaking from experience. I had a very similar situation. And family meddling causes major issues and distance in a relationship. An ultimatum definitely needs to be made. You may even have to leave on your own with the kids to prove a point. If he doesn’t follow suit, well then you know where he stands.
I’d set an approximate date to when it should be fixed. My husbands the same way and works to much and does almost absolutely nothing at home. I bitch all the time and it does no good. Give him an ultimatum. Either fix the shit or you leave. Nobody should have to live second best like that. And as far as discipline goes for your children, his parents shouldn’t have any say so and should never put there hands on your children. I don’t believe in spanking never have never will. But that’s between you and your husband to decide. I’d move away from his parents as soon as you can if there causing that much of a problem.
I think the setting chores and paying the kids is nice, I used to love going to my grandparents to help them for coins, I learnt gardening, which I have a passion for now , great memories, but as for discipline no way should they set the terms.
U definitely need to talk to fiancé about moving.
I find it hard my mum and both grandparents are gone , so I would love that family bond again.
However u also need your space and to parent together.
I didnt even read all u said dont need to. His mother. Should not have control over anything. U can not put 2 grown women in a house and think they will get along. U need to move with or without him. Those are your kids. U need your own place. And she needs to back off. Plain and simple. If i had it to do over. Id be gone. The first time she dug in and he defends her. Men are good at that. They create a arrangement that pits wife against mom. And they sit back and watch the fight. If u were smart. U would never. Ever. Live with anyone. It will not work
If it were me he would deside right this minute. Me or mom
I would pack up my children’s belongings and mine and they would be in my car.
Then, I would have a conversation with your baby daddy (because honestly, he is t acting like a fiancé).
Sadly, I believe he is going to allow you to leave. He is very comfortable living with his parents.
If you are not careful, he will take your kids from you, as he has his parents on his side.
I hope you take this seriously!
Take it from experience you need to stand up for yourself and your children . I had the same thing happen with my mother and my oldest daughter does not speak to me because of what my mother did. She was never my daughter and as an adult she thinks I did nothing for her. My mother passed over 10 years ago and we are still dealing with this my father just came to term with what went on but it can not be fixed. My daughter recently eloped and is expecting her first child in Sept. When I found this out I was devastated. Stick up for what you believe is right for you and your children/family.
You need to move!! Get your own place to implement your own rules!!! His mom thinks she got all right to implement cause its her house!!!
And fiancé just doesn’t want to take responsibility if he don’t want to hear it!!! Put his ass in check too…
Secure yourself financially, start looking for place for u and the kids. Once u have enough to sign a lease, tell him u are moving out with the kids, he can either come along or don’t. Make sure he pay his share if he follows. Sometimes men need to ‘push’ so they’ll moved their ass. Judging by how he can delayed fixing the mobile, I don’t think he ever has any plan having his own place with u. Like u said he’s too comfortable to the point he let him mom bully her way. Unless u both maintain his parents house every month, you will have no say at all, and don’t bother talking to his mother, someone who throw a fit if she can’t get her way is no different from terrorist
You’ve got kids why on Earth can’t you stand on your own two feet get child care and get jobs
You need your own home.
Honey if they haven’t worked on your house yet there are no plans to do it anytime soon! It doesn’t sound like your fiancé wants to be a big boy and live on his own! Either except it or get out! Not an easy choice either way! God bless you!
I believe in one queen per castle. You and your man need privacy and ability to make your own decisions, without interference from his mother. It sounds like you have lost respect for him. He’s obviously a momma’s boy and not in a good way.
Move with or without your fiance.He hasn’t married you or cared about you.Move take your kids and go.