I don't know what I should do about this parenting issue with my childs father: Advice?

My son’s dad & I broke up when I was almost seven months that pregnant. I told him from the start I didn’t want any of his money etc. I just wanted him to either be in his life as an actual father or not be in his life overall. He decides to be in his life. Well fast forward to almost two years & I have had to take him over his city (we live in different cities 45 mins away) if not he doesn’t see him. I got fed up about it & Haven taken to him since October & has he asked about him? No. Has he texted me to see how he’s doing? No, has he called? No. Has he said, "Hey, let me go pick him up? Nothing. He’s not in his birth certificate, so it’d be very easy for me, but I had made a promise to his parents that I would allow them to see him, etc. I would tell them that they are more than welcomed to visit him etc. here where I live but that he’s not allowed to go over there. His sister is mad at me now, but it’s gotten to a point where I just simply don’t care what they think.

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His relationship with his child is HIS responsibility, not yours. His family having a relationship with his child is also HIS responsibility, not yours.

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Just say fuck them all if they can’t come to you then ohh well you don’t want to see him that bad

Why can’t he go to grandma and grandpa’s house? If they want to come get and bring back…If his dad is there fine if not they can explain why ? Also he will not be able to say you kept him from his child .

Its not your responsibility to make sure he has a relationship with his kid.

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You’re doing the right thing, if they tryely want to see him, they will come to you.

Just leave your door open.

If their willing to transport why cant they pick up your son for a few hours?? Or for the night? His father may not care to make time but you can never have enough people to love you!!! Dont make your son suffer because your bitter.

As far as dad. His loss. But dont take the rest of the family away from him.

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Sometimes the family ur born into is better then your parent! Put 1/3 the effort into spending time with him family that you put in trying to keep daddy involved. I bet it will work out and your son will have more great grandparents and aunt

I had this same issue and my son is now 7 and his dad is not in his life at all! When i stopped making the effort we never heard from him again. His family never reached out either. I get nothing from him and that’s my choice. I refuse to ask anyone if they wanna see my child it’s not my responsibility! My now husband has been in my sons life since he was one and that’s who he considers dad! We are happy and my son is happy and that’s what matters! Sometimes things happen for a reason!

my children’s grandmother was great even though dad never did much treat them as the individuals as they are they didn’t do anything HE did. If they are willing to come get him and bring him back it’s only fair you give it a try. I never kept my kids from their father he did what he did. as long as I knew they were safe I was ok with that too.

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All you can do is keep the door open. You don’t have to take him to his family or his house. As long as the door is always open for them to come see him, that’s all that matters. You can’t do anymore than that.

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I’d let the grandparents take him for the night. Their his family too

Dont worry about them.

I think the heck with them if they can’t put out the effort to come see him! Why should you always have to make the drive? Where is the compromise there?
Be polite, answer their questions about him, send pictures, but don’t always be the one having to make the drive.

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Its not your responsibility to make sure the father or his side of the family is involved in your childs life. Thats on them to make it happen, it’s their job to reach out to you and to come to the child. Sure bring him to them if they ask and you don’t mind…working together only benefits the child. However if they only see your kid when you reach out and ask if they want to then just stop asking. If they want to be involved they will be. Its that simple. I had that same issue with my daughters father and his family. He never asked to see her. I wanted her to know her dad so for 3ish years i made it happen by asking her dad to come see her or bringing her to him… Shes 11 now and he still has never reached out to me first to ask how she is or ask to see her. I stopped being the one to reach out and i didnt hear from her dad or his family for years :expressionless:

I have gone through this over and over again for 10 years, I went above and beyond to make sure my son saw his father and his family. The older my son got the harder it was on him so in turn it was hard on me. Nobody else! I always covered for his dad when he promised to be there but never showed. One day as my son cried to me asking why his daddy doesn’t love him I finally quit taking the blame. To better both of our lives we moved to another state. We’ve been here over a year and he has talked to his father maybe a handful of times on Xbox. I bought him a cell phone when we moved so he could keep in contact with everyone back home, there is no reason they cannot call or text back and forth. My son is 10 and he is at the point where he doesn’t even try anymore, and I don’t blame him. He tells me he’s sick of worrying about someone that doesn’t worry about him. From my experience, my advice to you is to just love your child extra hard. Sometimes mommy has to be mommy and daddy, it’s terrible sometimes but at the end of the night you know you did your very best. I love my sons father for giving me an amazing child and one day he will understand when and why he lost his relationship with his son.

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You do not have to bring him anywhere. I agree with leaving your door open to anyone who wishes to seeing him - maybe allow the grandparents to take him for the afternoon to the park, zoo, etc. something like that, I know others said for the night, but it sounds like he’s maybe 2? I get feeling weird about that he’s still a bit young, but be open to it in the future if they are good with visiting often enough for him to be really comfortable with it. It’s not his fault or the grandparents fault the Dad is being a jerk. He may be able to have a good relationship with them.

Why does the sister and grandparents have to suffer just because he is a shit dad.
If they willing and not a danger to my children in any way I’d allow them To take the child. Even if he can’t habe a great dad he can build wonderful relationships with his family and give you a much needed break.

Honestly it isnt about you, his father, or about the 45 min drive. What matters is that this child has his parents. The he ain’t doing this so I’m not doing that is childish and frankly should be stopped when you decide to make a baby. You want gas money for the trip then file for support and speak up. Say meet me half way or I bring to you and you bring home. Instead of just stopping all together and screwing with the kid…actually be an adult.