I Don't Know What to Do About My Family's Relationship with My Mother-in-Law: Advice?

QUESTION:

"A few months ago my mother-in-law got back into our lives 3 years after disowning us. I offended her back then, and she wanted nothing to do with me and didn’t give me a chance to tell her about my pregnancy.

I thought that we could get over the past (which we didn’t discuss) for the sake of our son so that he will get to see her. I was also kind of hoping that we will be invited to the holidays. I invited her several times to come over and see him even though my husband kept telling me that she is the same person (narcissist) and that she hasn’t changed.

She actually came over; we had tea, she played with him. It was fine. She also asked to come over and see him, and I allowed it. I also sent pictures of him without her asking. It’s like she wants to see him but doesn’t consider him family since he is welcome to come over with us.

I’m still friends with her on Facebook, so I see that she calls herself a grandma to a friend’s baby and an aunt to another little girl. She didn’t invite our son to Halloween at her house after she asked what we are doing, and we said nothing. We will be at home.

She posted about her Halloween party with that “granddaughter” and “niece” and the whole family and now I realize that she will never invite my son to anything. She never posts about him. No one on Facebook knows about him.

We think that her husband dislikes us. He is very religious and old and who knows… that might be the reason. My husband wants nothing to do with her, and he doesn’t want our son to get hurt in the future.

My family is in a different country, so we are alone if we don’t consider my mother in law. For any help or holidays, we rely on friends or paid babysitter. Should we talk to her next time and tell her how we feel and not see her anymore or should we just move on?"

RELATED QUESTION: My Mother-in-Law Goes Out of Her Way to Ignore My Son and Me in Favor of Her Other Grandkids: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Sounds like your husband has been dealing with it all of his life so to keep his son from feeling those feelings he had growing up, he’s trying to protect him it seems. I would rather have no family at all than to have someone treat me or my children this way. Sometimes, we have to cut those ties and be at a distance. Listen to your husband, he’s used to it.”

“If she’s not willing to grow up and put differences aside, just move on. Don’t force your child on her. If she makes no effort leave it at that.”

“Respect your husband’s decision and move on. This sounds like more stress than what it is worth. Just let it be known the door is always open, but let her make that decision and you move on.”

“Listen to your husband and move on. He knows her better than anyone, if he wants nothing to do with her, then he has accepted her as a person and realizes nothing with ever change. Protect your family and move on.”

“Your Husband knows this woman. Trust him. Her recent actions are showing you how she feels. Have you researched narcissism? I would if I were you and maybe that can make it easier to understand what your Husband is saying. I’m so sorry, but it seems like the best thing to let this go.”

“I hope you don’t want her to be your babysitter… you can’t make people change or force them to care if they don’t. Listen to your husband. Focus on your kid who is unaware of what is going on. Be decent but do t go above and beyond and break your hearts.”

“Stop trying to fix something that your husband doesn’t want. If he’s not interested in a relationship with his mother then leave it alone. If you keep doing this, you’ll just drive a wedge between you and him. *** My husband has been trying to fix the relationship between my father and me for years… I resent him for it… and my father hasn’t changed any… he’s still very narcissistic, self-absorbed, he never wanted a daughter and now he plays favorites with my children, and my daughter is the one hurt now. He’s gone forever now.”

“Your husband knows his mom. Time to just move on and protect your child’s heart.”

“I don’t understand why you couldn’t respect your husband’s wishes and move on? That’s his mother and it should be up to him if he wants a relationship with her and you should be supportive. I don’t know what you’re trying to get at here. If she really cared she’d show it. Seems like unnecessary drama at this point.”

“Rise above her pettiness. Always be a lady. Tell your son his grandma is not like other grandmas but leave the door open for her to rejoin your life. Send her a picture of your son once a year and other than that, let her go as she chooses.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

14 Likes

I would move on honestly its not worth the effort if shes acting that way

4 Likes

If she’s not willing to grow up and put differences aside, just move on. Don’t force your child on her. If she makes no effort leave it at that.

8 Likes

Respect your husbands decision and move on. This sounds like more stress than what it is worth. Just let it be known the door is always open, but let her make that decision and you move on.

7 Likes

No. Drop her. Let it be. Move on!!

The decision is your husbands… I would stay out of it and let him deal with it.

5 Likes

Sad to say but move on if she is showing no interest and can’t let go of the past.

I have had to let family go which was my sister and dad and I feel so much better. Sometimes it’s better to leave well enough alone. Trust me On that

If she doesn’t want to put in the effort I wouldn’t bother. Doesn’t sound like she will change much.

1 Like

I would move on, you gave her the chance to be a grandma. Listen to your husband, he will know what she is like.

2 Likes

make your own little family find some friends

You have a JUSTNOMIL. Go to reddit and find the sub. These are your people

1 Like

Move on! You extended olive branch after olive branch she doesn’t sound interested. As far as her husband :woman_shrugging: that’s still on his mom for being a flaky person.

Move on sweetie. You can’t expect other people to have the same heart as you, and eventually shes going to hurt your baby with her indifference.

2 Likes

Sounds like your husband has been dealing with it all of his life so to keep his son from feeling those feelings he had growing up, he’s trying to protect him it seems. I would rather have no family at all than to have someone treat me or my children this way. Sometimes, we have to cut those ties and be at a distance. Listen to your husband, he’s used to it.

14 Likes

Listen to her husband and move on. He knows her better than anyone, if he wants nothing to do with her than he has accepted her as a person and realizes nothing with ever change. Protect your family and move on.

6 Likes

It’s your husbands mum, it’s his choicf

2 Likes

Your husband knows his mom. Time to just move on and protect your child’s heart.

4 Likes

You have your own little family now. You have tried more than someone would. It’s time to move on hun.

Tough cchoice if my husband has been hurt trying to fix it might do more harm support your husband be there if he wants to

Listen I never forced my children on anyone!!! I would honestly move on. I would cut communication with her as well. I mean if your husband does not want to have anything to do with his mother then there is problems there. I always felt as long as my children had me they didn’t need anyone else!! Good luck and may God Bless.

2 Likes